and he felt guilty for it.
Every emotion one imagined, I suffered through.
A part of me felt a little
robbed. It wasn’t long enough. Would it ever have been?
Arthur was silent when he came
into the kitchen, taking hold of my arm and helping me to my feet. I suppose he
was the one and only person that would understand my inner clash.
He was wise and soft spoken,
“There’s a bit of you that feels cheated, and are having a hard time looking at
this in a good light. It’s a gift, a positive thing. You’ll see it. I’ll help
you.”
I believe him. There was a reason
Arthur was in my life and being a grief coach was one of them. I just never
realized it before.
My husband was right. I said what
I needed to say to Ben, but there was so much more I wanted to tell him. I
heard his voice, felt him, but wanted to hear him again. I had my moment with
my child and I wanted more.
One moment truly wasn’t enough.
But I knew in time, I would accept that it had to be and that one moment would
carry me through the hard times ahead. Eventually it would bring a smile to my
face.
Eventually.
23. HIS NAME IS TRAVIS
It was no surprise to anyone on
the team that I picked Travis. Not that his story was all that compelling on
paper, but not only hearing it, but learning he had tried before to get the
opportunity, I knew I had to select him.
Aside from his need to resolve
with his wife, he led both Fr. Craig and I to answers.
I liked Travis.
When I called to tell him he was
selected, he was having dinner with his daughter. He simply stated, “I kinda
felt I would be. Thank you.” And as he conveyed the news to his daughter,
Trish, I heard her say, “Daddy. No.”
It sent a worry shock to me. Why
wouldn’t she want him to go?
It had been the first time in
weeks that I was alone, so it felt weird to be driving to Travis’ home. I made
my way there, like everyone else, the day before. All five were going on the
same day.
I had connected with all of them.
I wanted to meet with them afterwards, and paid for airfare and tickets for all
of us to get together and talk. Something that had never been done.
When I arrived at Travis’ home,
he was at the computer and just finished making his twenty-third video message.
“I got a big family,” Travis
said. “I wanted to say something to each of them. Just in case.”
His daughter Trish was there and
she wasn’t happy with me.
“Please, change your mind,” she
pleaded.
“It’s not my choice if he goes.
He made that choice,” I told her.
“If my father doesn’t come back,
I hold you responsible.”
I didn’t know how to respond to
that. Travis did.
“Now, now Trish, if I don’t come
back it’s God’s will. Because the only other reason for me not to return is
because I don’t want to. Truth, I love your mother, but I have been with all of
you longer. I love my life. I’ll be back if given a choice.”
For some reason Trish didn’t look
convinced, and admittedly that worried me.
The next morning Travis made
breakfast so early the sun wasn’t even up. We were together, and alone. We
spoke about a lot of things. I opened up to him about my family.
By two in the afternoon we heard
that two of the team had made their journey. It was then Travis suggested we
head out.
“Let’s go to Bea’s diner and grab
a lunch special before they end for the day. Wouldn’t it be funny if I died or
dropped off in the middle of the diner.”
“No, really, it wouldn’t be.”
Travis laughed.
I offered to drive, but he wanted
to take his pick up. Plus, he knew how to get there. I would be lying if I said
I wasn’t worried at first about getting into the truck with him. What if his
moment came while driving?
Then I reasoned that I was with
him. If Travis ‘went’ while driving, that put me in danger. What were the odds
of me being in two deadly accidents in less than a month?
Slim.
With confidence I got in the
truck.
My thinking was all wrong.
It was a small
Every emotion one imagined, I suffered through.
A part of me felt a little
robbed. It wasn’t long enough. Would it ever have been?
Arthur was silent when he came
into the kitchen, taking hold of my arm and helping me to my feet. I suppose he
was the one and only person that would understand my inner clash.
He was wise and soft spoken,
“There’s a bit of you that feels cheated, and are having a hard time looking at
this in a good light. It’s a gift, a positive thing. You’ll see it. I’ll help
you.”
I believe him. There was a reason
Arthur was in my life and being a grief coach was one of them. I just never
realized it before.
My husband was right. I said what
I needed to say to Ben, but there was so much more I wanted to tell him. I
heard his voice, felt him, but wanted to hear him again. I had my moment with
my child and I wanted more.
One moment truly wasn’t enough.
But I knew in time, I would accept that it had to be and that one moment would
carry me through the hard times ahead. Eventually it would bring a smile to my
face.
Eventually.
23. HIS NAME IS TRAVIS
It was no surprise to anyone on
the team that I picked Travis. Not that his story was all that compelling on
paper, but not only hearing it, but learning he had tried before to get the
opportunity, I knew I had to select him.
Aside from his need to resolve
with his wife, he led both Fr. Craig and I to answers.
I liked Travis.
When I called to tell him he was
selected, he was having dinner with his daughter. He simply stated, “I kinda
felt I would be. Thank you.” And as he conveyed the news to his daughter,
Trish, I heard her say, “Daddy. No.”
It sent a worry shock to me. Why
wouldn’t she want him to go?
It had been the first time in
weeks that I was alone, so it felt weird to be driving to Travis’ home. I made
my way there, like everyone else, the day before. All five were going on the
same day.
I had connected with all of them.
I wanted to meet with them afterwards, and paid for airfare and tickets for all
of us to get together and talk. Something that had never been done.
When I arrived at Travis’ home,
he was at the computer and just finished making his twenty-third video message.
“I got a big family,” Travis
said. “I wanted to say something to each of them. Just in case.”
His daughter Trish was there and
she wasn’t happy with me.
“Please, change your mind,” she
pleaded.
“It’s not my choice if he goes.
He made that choice,” I told her.
“If my father doesn’t come back,
I hold you responsible.”
I didn’t know how to respond to
that. Travis did.
“Now, now Trish, if I don’t come
back it’s God’s will. Because the only other reason for me not to return is
because I don’t want to. Truth, I love your mother, but I have been with all of
you longer. I love my life. I’ll be back if given a choice.”
For some reason Trish didn’t look
convinced, and admittedly that worried me.
The next morning Travis made
breakfast so early the sun wasn’t even up. We were together, and alone. We
spoke about a lot of things. I opened up to him about my family.
By two in the afternoon we heard
that two of the team had made their journey. It was then Travis suggested we
head out.
“Let’s go to Bea’s diner and grab
a lunch special before they end for the day. Wouldn’t it be funny if I died or
dropped off in the middle of the diner.”
“No, really, it wouldn’t be.”
Travis laughed.
I offered to drive, but he wanted
to take his pick up. Plus, he knew how to get there. I would be lying if I said
I wasn’t worried at first about getting into the truck with him. What if his
moment came while driving?
Then I reasoned that I was with
him. If Travis ‘went’ while driving, that put me in danger. What were the odds
of me being in two deadly accidents in less than a month?
Slim.
With confidence I got in the
truck.
My thinking was all wrong.
It was a small
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