The Original Miss Honeyford

The Original Miss Honeyford by M.C. Beaton

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Authors: M.C. Beaton
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expected him to pursue her, but when she looked back, he had gone.
    She was furious. How dare he spoil this wonderful morning by trying to besmirch Lord Channington’s reputation! Lord Channington was
twice
the man he was. And out of all the people in London, why had fate brought Lord Alistair from his bed to plague her solitary walk in the Park?
    Honey marched home, pulling the key which she had had the foresight to take with her from her pocket.
    Everyone was still asleep as she gently unlocked the door and let herself into the house.
    But when she got to her room, she found she was still boiling and seething over what Lord Alistair had said.
    Well, she would
exorcise
him!
    She sat down at the writing desk, sharpened a quill, dipped it in the ink well, and began to write.
    “Lord Alistair Stewart,” she wrote, “is abhorrant, abominable, acrimonious, angry, arrogant, austere, awkward, barbarous, bitter, blustering, boorish, brutal, bullying, capricious, captious, choleric, churlish, clamorous, cross, currish, detestable, disagreeable, disgusting, dismal, dreadful, dry, dull, envious, execrable, fierce, fretful, furious, grating, gross, growling, gruff, grumbling, hard-hearted, hasty, hateful, hectoring, horrid, illiberal, ill-natured, implacable, inattentive, incorrigible, inflexible, insolent, intractable, irascible, jaundiced, knavish, loathsome, malevolent, malicious, malignant, nauseating, nefarious, noisome, obstinate, obstreperous, odious, opinionated, oppressive, outrageous, overbearing, peevish, perplexing, pervicacious, perverse, quarrelsome, queer, raging, restless, rigid, rigorous, roaring, rough, rude, rugged, saucy, savage, severe, sharp, shocking, spiteful, splenetic, squeamish, stern, stubborn, stupid, sulky, sullen, surly, suspicious, tart, teasing, terrible, testy, tiresome, tormenting, touchy, treacherous, troublesome, turbulent, tyrannical, uncomfortable, ungovernable, unpleasant, unsuitable, uppish, vexatious, violent, waspish, wrangling, wrathful.”
    She sanded the paper and folded it neatly into a small square.
    “There!” she said triumphantly.
“That’s
what I think of
you
, my fine lord.”
    She undressed, fell into bed, and tumbled headlong into a dreamless sleep.

Six
    Honey was not allowed to sleep late. Excited by all the floral tributes which had been arriving all morning, Lady Canon wanted to make sure Honey was looking as ravishing as possible when her callers arrived.
    Honey was served with a light breakfast of dry toast and weak tea, Lady Canon wishing her to maintain her slight figure. Honey’s stomach rumbled and grumbled rebelliously as she was eventually placed on a backless sofa in the center of the first floor saloon and told not to move a muscle.
    Lady Canon was satisfied with her niece’s appearance since her aim had been to make Honey appear even more beautiful in the eyes of society than she had done the night before.
    Honey was wearing the latest calypso robe. Made of rich imperial muslin of a beautiful light yellow, it was finished at the extreme edge in a line of embossed silver and gold, worked in light, open flowers, ornamented down the front and around each side of the train, the center of which depicted stars worked in small pearls and fastened in the middle with a gold stud. This confection was worn over a rich white satin train petticoat, worked around the bottom with stars of pearls and dead gold to correspond with the dress. The sleeves were of white satin, tight across the shoulders and made to hang in small folds down the arm.
    Over her head, “in graceful negligence” as Lady Canon’s maid put it, was thrown a long drapery of white Parisian net, embroidered with a pheasant’s eye pattern. She wore one of Lady Canon’s finest diamond necklaces, and diamond earrings sparkled through the net that covered her hair—the idea that unmarried ladies should not wear precious jewels having been “exploded,” as the fashion magazines put it. Anything that was

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