can’t help laughing. But also do a bit more swearing, and add that I will not follow him up to his room like a well-trained puppy because this will be totally obvious.
‘In that case I shall be forced to sit here and kiss you at unexpected moments throughout the evening.’
‘You wouldn’t!’
‘I bloody well would, you know.’
‘OK, OK. You go up to your room like you said and I’ll try and think of something to stop the boys grabbing their mobiles the minute I leave.’
‘OK. I’ll wait for you by the lift. You have ten minutes. Or I’m coming back in.’
With this he gets up and walks out.
George and Kevin look over and try to appear surprised to see me.
‘Wasn’t that Mack, the bloke from the agency?’ says George. ‘What have you been doing to him? He looked well pissed off.’ Then he snorts into his drink in a most annoying manner.
I get up and walk over slowly. Staring hard at George, I tell him that if he breathes a word of this to anybody, even his mother, I’ll ring his wife and tell her about that waitress in the Little Chef last summer. George goes white, andKevin sniggers. I tell Kevin that I will also ring George’s wife if Kevin says anything, and George is a lot bigger than Kevin. I think this will do the trick.
I walk out of the bar to find Mack loitering beside the lift, getting some very odd looks from the woman on reception. The lift arrives and we get in, and Mack begins kissing me. I’m enjoying myself immensely when the lift stops and an elderly couple join us. Since I don’t want to get arrested for performing an indecent act in a hotel lift, as apart from anything else it would be bound to get back to the PTA, I glare at Mack until we reach his floor. We get out, the doors close and then we hear the elderly couple laughing. Mack doesn’t seem to care at all, and as soon as we reach the safety of the other side of his door, neither do I.
Eventually we realise we’re both starving so we order sandwiches and coffee and then try to work out how we’re going to handle the shoot, which is due to start in a few hours. We agree that we’ll just have to play it by ear and hope George and Kevin will keep silent. I finally stagger back to my room at two thirty. I have no idea how I’m going to stay awake for the next twelve hours and manage to speak, let alone work. I’m dithering about trying to decide what to wear, as it will be freezing, when the phone rings.
‘I just wanted to say that I think you’re lovely, and I want to see you back in London if that would be OK. Just in case I don’t get a chance to say so later.’
He seems rather embarrassed by this outburst, and promptly puts the phone down. I’m thrilled, and suddenly feel much more energetic.
The location manager, Johnny, turns up to collect me and we get to Barney’s hotel at three fifty-five. He’s hoppingabout in reception. He takes one look at me and says, ‘God, darling, you look totally fucked.’
Nearly choke on my coffee in the polystyrene beaker which Johnny has magically provided, but Barney begins chattering on about plans for the morning and was just being his usual charming self. The boatman looks freezing, but the catering van has turned up, so all the essentials are in place, and the weather is fine although the sea is pretty rough.
Amazingly, things go without a hitch, and we get all the shots we need of the actor stepping off the boat in the early-morning light, although as usual it turns out that the sun actually rises in a totally unexpected point no one had anticipated, which requires frantic repositioning at the last minute. No one falls in and things are looking good, when Barney decides it would be nice to get a shot of the boat coming back into harbour. It will look great, the light is wonderful, and he’s the director so that’s what we’ll do. The actor is not keen on heading out to sea, and neither is the boatman, but Barney insists and we finally persuade them all that
‘In that case I shall be forced to sit here and kiss you at unexpected moments throughout the evening.’
‘You wouldn’t!’
‘I bloody well would, you know.’
‘OK, OK. You go up to your room like you said and I’ll try and think of something to stop the boys grabbing their mobiles the minute I leave.’
‘OK. I’ll wait for you by the lift. You have ten minutes. Or I’m coming back in.’
With this he gets up and walks out.
George and Kevin look over and try to appear surprised to see me.
‘Wasn’t that Mack, the bloke from the agency?’ says George. ‘What have you been doing to him? He looked well pissed off.’ Then he snorts into his drink in a most annoying manner.
I get up and walk over slowly. Staring hard at George, I tell him that if he breathes a word of this to anybody, even his mother, I’ll ring his wife and tell her about that waitress in the Little Chef last summer. George goes white, andKevin sniggers. I tell Kevin that I will also ring George’s wife if Kevin says anything, and George is a lot bigger than Kevin. I think this will do the trick.
I walk out of the bar to find Mack loitering beside the lift, getting some very odd looks from the woman on reception. The lift arrives and we get in, and Mack begins kissing me. I’m enjoying myself immensely when the lift stops and an elderly couple join us. Since I don’t want to get arrested for performing an indecent act in a hotel lift, as apart from anything else it would be bound to get back to the PTA, I glare at Mack until we reach his floor. We get out, the doors close and then we hear the elderly couple laughing. Mack doesn’t seem to care at all, and as soon as we reach the safety of the other side of his door, neither do I.
Eventually we realise we’re both starving so we order sandwiches and coffee and then try to work out how we’re going to handle the shoot, which is due to start in a few hours. We agree that we’ll just have to play it by ear and hope George and Kevin will keep silent. I finally stagger back to my room at two thirty. I have no idea how I’m going to stay awake for the next twelve hours and manage to speak, let alone work. I’m dithering about trying to decide what to wear, as it will be freezing, when the phone rings.
‘I just wanted to say that I think you’re lovely, and I want to see you back in London if that would be OK. Just in case I don’t get a chance to say so later.’
He seems rather embarrassed by this outburst, and promptly puts the phone down. I’m thrilled, and suddenly feel much more energetic.
The location manager, Johnny, turns up to collect me and we get to Barney’s hotel at three fifty-five. He’s hoppingabout in reception. He takes one look at me and says, ‘God, darling, you look totally fucked.’
Nearly choke on my coffee in the polystyrene beaker which Johnny has magically provided, but Barney begins chattering on about plans for the morning and was just being his usual charming self. The boatman looks freezing, but the catering van has turned up, so all the essentials are in place, and the weather is fine although the sea is pretty rough.
Amazingly, things go without a hitch, and we get all the shots we need of the actor stepping off the boat in the early-morning light, although as usual it turns out that the sun actually rises in a totally unexpected point no one had anticipated, which requires frantic repositioning at the last minute. No one falls in and things are looking good, when Barney decides it would be nice to get a shot of the boat coming back into harbour. It will look great, the light is wonderful, and he’s the director so that’s what we’ll do. The actor is not keen on heading out to sea, and neither is the boatman, but Barney insists and we finally persuade them all that
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