The One Tree of Luna by Todd McCaffrey

probably don’t even know how to use that thing, anyway!”
    That was it — I pulled the trigger. The boom reverberated throughout the car and left me deaf.
    â€œHah, you missed!” Jenny shouted. “I’m calling the police!”
    â€œNo, you’re not!” I shouted, firing again — blam-blam!
    â€œNo! No, you’re ruining my circuits!”
    â€œStart!”
    â€œI can’t!”
    â€œYou mean you won’t!” And I let her have it again and again. The last time I shattered the windshield and it caved in on top of me, cut my face.
    â€œNow start!”
    â€œYour target is destroyed.” the gun said. “You destroyed it with the fourth shot. You also punctured the radiator, the battery, the right front tire, and the oil pump. I don’t recommend firing again or starting the car.”
    She paused, adding breathlessly — “Will you clean me now, you big brute of a man?”
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    The image faded and blackness returned. Harris lifted the helmet.
    â€œYou okay?” Mendez asked.
    â€œSure.”
    â€œSo what do you think?”
    â€œFive shots. He didn’t fire all six.” Harris picked up the gun still secure in the baggy.
    Dropping it back on the table, he said, “There’s not a jury in the world that would convict him. Let him go.”
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    Muffled by the bag, the gun’s sultry voice could just barely be heard, “ Oooh! I feel so used! Who’s going to clean me now? ”

 
Robin Redbreast
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    This is the darkest story in this collection.
    The story behind Robin Redbreast is interesting. I was following a tutorial to learn the nifty modo 3D software. The project was to make a simple medicine bottle. When when it came time to make the label, I decided that it would contain Evil Genius Pills.
    Inspired, I decided to make a video based on these Evil Genius Pills and used digital voices, picking one cute little girl voice for the main narrator.
    When it was done, I put it up on YouTube.com ( Evil Genius Pills — Take 2 ) and forgot about it for a while.
    Then I started wondering: what sort of girl would make such a commercial, and why?
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    â€œParolee Beaumont reporting in,” I said as soon as my call was answered. “No, I haven’t been drinking,” I said in response to the first question. “No, I haven’t left the state,” I said to the second question. The voice on the other end sounded familiar.
    â€œGoodi TwoShoes, is that you?” I knew he hated it when I called him that. Tough. He could change his last name — but he’s a stubborn Indian.
    â€œAnd what if it is?” Detective Inspector Paul TwoShoes asked gruffly. I sorta expected him to
     argue over “Goodi” — officially there was no such thing as the Global Order of Detective
     Inspectors. Of course, the name fit like a … shoe.
    â€œWhat, did they drop you from the force?” I asked. “Is this all the work you can get now that all the big bad evil-doers are behind bars?”
    â€œThere’s at least one evil-doer not behind bars,” TwoShoes said. Yeah, me. Mean ol’ Robin
     ‘redbreast’ herself. All one hundred and five pounds, five foot three inches of dangerous
     post-adolescent.
    â€œIs that so?” I said, sounding surprised. “Well I’ve no doubt you’ll be able to catch him just as easily as you caught my dad.”
    â€œI’m certain of it,” TwoShoes said. “As long as she doesn’t figure out some way to beat the ankle tractor.”
    â€˜She’ — meaning me.
    â€œDon’t worry, I’ve seen the error of my ways.”
    â€œWhere are you now?”
    â€œI’m at home, as your electronic gadget will tell you,” I said.
    â€œThe lights are out,” TwoShoes said.
    Oh! So he was watching my place. Interesting. Not really a surprise but interesting.
    â€œI’m in