The Noah Confessions by Barbara Hall

I work for you or not, but I know what I know.”
    Daddy was saying this:
    â€œJackie, I can see you want a better life for yourself. I understand that, I do. I want to see that happen for you.”
    â€œHa, like you care about me.”
    â€œOf course I care about you. I don’t want you to do anything unwise.”
    Jackie said, “I can’t forget what I know.”
    â€œYou’re a very young girl. Your thinking can be confused.”
    â€œI’m not confused.”
    Daddy said, “Jackie, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
    She said, “I’m not scared of you.”
    â€œOf course you’re not. Why would I want you to be?”
    She said, “You think you own this town. You think you have people fooled.”
    â€œWhy would I want to fool people?”
    â€œI’m not an idiot. I pick up on things.”
    â€œOf course you do.”
    â€œAnd those girls, they’re going to figure it out.”
    â€œLet’s leave the girls out of it.”
    â€œI can’t. They’re in it. Your wife is smarter than you think, too.”
    â€œJackie, I’m wondering if the stress of your life is getting to you. Going to school, working all these hours, having a boyfriend. And the way people talk about you…that has to be difficult.”
    â€œTalk about
me
? I’m not the one who should be worried about talk.”
    He began mumbling and then she mumbled back and I exhausted my hearing. All I could understand was the intensity of their discussion, rumbling like an underground railroad.
    Then she left.
    I saw her alive only once more.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 
    It was a couple of weeks before Christmas. My father said he was going to cut down a Christmas tree. We never bought a tree. Why would we? We lived near a forest, and in those days, you could just walk out into it and bring home a tree.
    My father was about to embark on this journey to cut down a tree and I wanted to go with him. I was his side-kick, after all. He always took me everywhere. When I said I wanted to go, he couldn’t resist. My mother dressed me up in my new winter coat and my new winter hat, a furry pixie deal with a pointed top. I got in the truck with my father and we went to get the tree.
    I rode in the truck next to my father, in my new winter clothes. We listened to Christmas songs on the radio. He parked next to the edge of the woods. The heater was blasting and I was starting to sweat. He shut off the engine and turned to me. I can still see him, slipping on his work gloves and adjusting his black wool cap.
    He said, “I’m going to chop down the tree. You should wait here.”
    â€œI thought I was going with you.”
    â€œYou are with me,” he said, with a smile. He had a nice smile. He made me feel important.
    â€œBut I want to help you with the tree.”
    â€œYou’ll just get cold out there. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
    It didn’t make much sense, as I was all dressed up in my winter gear, but I agreed. I would have done anything to make my father happy. He always seemed so smart and in charge. I knew he had his bad moments. He had a mean streak and he yelled. But I had a strong sense that he held things together in my family. I had a sense he was in charge.
    I was his idea, which meant that I was not allowed to disappoint him. If I disappointed him, I would be left alone with my mother, who never wanted me.
    â€œIt’ll be okay, Cat,” he said. “Just wait here.”
    He got out of the truck and I turned around to watch him. He went to the back and got out an ax and some rope and a big piece of plastic. He flashed a smile at me as he walked by. I watched him disappear into the woods.
    A long time seemed to pass. Although it was cold, the winter sun was persistent and as it shone into the truck, I started to get hot. I tried to get out of my new winter gear but my mother had