The Nine Tailors by Dorothy L. Sayers

comes.”
    There is no doubt that Dick Gotobed did his best in the matter, but, since the post-office telephone lived in the post-mistress’s sitting-room, it was not altogether easy to keep any message confidential. At any rate, by the time that P.C. Priest arrived, rather blown, upon his push-cycle, a small knot of men and women had gathered in and about the churchyard, including Hezekiah Lavender, who had run as fast as his ancient legs could carry him from his cottage-garden, and was very indignant with Harry Gotobed for not letting him lift the tarpaulin.
    “’Ere!” said the constable, running his machine adroitly into the midst of a bunch of children clustered round the lych-gate and tipping himself off bodily sideways. “’Ere! what’s all this? You run along home to yer mothers, see? And don’t let me catch you here again. ’Afternoon, Mr. Venables, sir. What’s the trouble here?”
    There’s been a body found in the churchyard,” said Mr. Venables.
    “Body, eh?” said the constable. “Well, it’s come to the right place, ain’t it? What have you done with it? Oh, you’ve left it where you found it. Quite right, sir. And where might that be? Oh, ’ere. I see. All right; let’s have a look at him. Oh! Ah! that’s it, is it? Why, Harry, whatever have you been a-doing of? Tryin’ to bury him?”
    The Rector began to explain, but the constable stopped him with an upraised hand.
    “One moment, sir. We’ll take this here matter in the proper and correct order. Just a moment while I gets out my notebook. Now, then. Date. Call received 5.15 pee hem. Proceeded to the churchyard, arriving 5.30 pee hem. Now, who found this here body?”
    “Dick and me.”
    “Name?” said the constable.
    “Go on, Jack. You knows me well enough.”
    “That don’t matter. I’ve got to do it in the proper way. Name?”
    “Harry Gotobed.”
    “Hoccupation?”
    “Sexton. “
    “Righto, Harry. Go ahead.”
    “Well, Jack, we was a-openin’ this here grave, which is Lady Thorpe’s grave what died last New Year’s Day, for to be ready for her ’usband’s body, see, what’s to be buried to-morrow. We begins to shovel away the earth, one at each end, like, and we hadn’t got much more than a foot or so below ground level, as you might say, when Dick drives his spade down a good spit, and he says to me, ‘Dad,’ he says, ‘there’s something in here.’ And I says to him, ‘What’s that?’ I says, ‘what do you mean? Something in here?’ and then I strikes my spade hard down and I feels something sort of between hard and soft, like, and I says, ‘Dick,’ I says, ‘that’s a funny thing, there is something here.’ So I says, ‘Go careful, my boy,’ I says, ‘because it feels funnylike to me,’ I says. So we starts at one end and shovels away gentle, and arter a bit we sees something sticking up like it might be the toe of a boot. So I says, ‘Dick,’ I says, ‘that’s a boot, that is.’ And he says, ‘You’re right, Dad, so ’tis.’ So I says, ‘Looks to me like we begun at the wrong end of this here, so to say.’ So he says, ‘Well, Dad, now we’ve gone so far we may so well have a look at him.’ So we gets a-shovellin’ again, still going very careful, and arter a bit more we sees something lookin’ like ’air. So I says, ‘You put that there shovel away and use your ’ands, because we don’t want to spile it.’ And he says, ‘I don’t like.’ And I says, ‘Don’t you be a fool, my boy. You can wash your ’ands, can’t you, when you’ve done?’ So we clears away very careful, and at last we sees him plain. And I says, ‘Dick, I don’t know who he is nor yet how he got here, but he didn’t ought to be here.’ And Dick says, ‘Shall I go for Jack Priest?’ And I says, ‘No. ’Tis Church ground and we better tell Rector.’ So that’s what we done.”
    “And I said,” put in the Rector, “that we had better send at once for you and for Dr. Baines—and here