The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want by Richard La Ruina Page A
Authors: Richard La Ruina
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they’re boring. Here’s what you should be doing instead. The following are some ways to elicit the standard information without asking boring questions:
Ask Leading Questions
Instead of asking, “Where are you from?” say, “Are you Swedish?” Make some kind of personal guess that shows you’re paying attention to her.
Make Assumptions and Funny Guesses
Instead of asking what she’s doing, say, “Okay, so you’re waiting to meet Steve. He’s a guy you met on the Internet, and you’ve no idea what he looks like, but he’s going to be wearing a red shirt.” She’ll laugh and then tell you what she’s actually doing—or even better, she’ll play along with it and you’ll have a fun moment. Make up a silly scenario: What’s she going to do with her friend? Why is she in your town?
Another example (depending on whether you’re at a bar or a Starbucks) would be: “Let me guess—so you’ve been shopping all day, bought loads of stuff, and now your feet are killing you, so you’re going for a coffee or beer together.” This kind of thing also gets you in the habit of focusing on women, making observations and cold reads. Over time, this skill develops and you can usually guess correctly!
Connect via Conversational Links
A “link” is a transition point given to you by your conversational partner that you can use to extend the interaction without starting a new, unrelated topic. Every time a woman opens her mouth, she’s giving you a link. It might be her accent, the words she uses, or the information she gives you. If she tells you she’s Brazilian and studying English in the States for three weeks, you have three links that you can feed off (Brazil, studying English, here for three weeks). Once you’ve established a connection by responding to a link in the conversational chain, you can then ask another question or elicit another link.
Your goal with each link should be to connect in a positive way, enhancing the likelihood of rapport. The best way to do this is to talk positively about her. Less effective ways are to relate the point to your own experience, to be clichéd, or to be negative. Let’s look at the three levels of evolution in this area:
1. Conducting a high-pressure interview
You: What do you do?
Her: I’m an artist.
You: Cool, so … where are you from?
Her: Switzerland.
You: That’s nice. What do you do in your spare time?
Her: I like going to movies.
Put yourself in the girl’s position here. She’s constantly under pressure; the spotlight is always on her and she’s being asked to contribute a lot of information while getting nothing in return. Regardless of her answer, you move straight on to the next question. This is because you’re already thinking about the next question as she answers, instead of trying to use what she gives you in a unique way depending on her response. Unfortunately, this is how most guys try to connect with girls.
2. Self-obsessed relating
You: What do you do?
Her: I’m an artist.
You: Cool, my brother is an artist; he makes these sculptures out of tin foil. He made one the other day of a fish that’s really cool. So… Where are you from?
Her: Switzerland.
You: Oh great! I have a Swiss watch and I like Swiss chocolates. My friend went to Switzerland on holiday, said it was great. What do you do in your spare time?
Her: I like going to the movies.
You: I love watching films too. I saw that new one with Johnny Depp; that was cool. I want to watch that other new one coming out next week, forgot the name…
What’s going on here is that you’re using the link, taking the pressure off the girl; so it’s better than the interview. However, you’re not making a connection; in fact, you’re putting up a barrier. You’re saying, in effect, “Anything you say I will relate to my reality, and I won’t try to understand yours.” When someone is talking about himself,
Ask Leading Questions
Instead of asking, “Where are you from?” say, “Are you Swedish?” Make some kind of personal guess that shows you’re paying attention to her.
Make Assumptions and Funny Guesses
Instead of asking what she’s doing, say, “Okay, so you’re waiting to meet Steve. He’s a guy you met on the Internet, and you’ve no idea what he looks like, but he’s going to be wearing a red shirt.” She’ll laugh and then tell you what she’s actually doing—or even better, she’ll play along with it and you’ll have a fun moment. Make up a silly scenario: What’s she going to do with her friend? Why is she in your town?
Another example (depending on whether you’re at a bar or a Starbucks) would be: “Let me guess—so you’ve been shopping all day, bought loads of stuff, and now your feet are killing you, so you’re going for a coffee or beer together.” This kind of thing also gets you in the habit of focusing on women, making observations and cold reads. Over time, this skill develops and you can usually guess correctly!
Connect via Conversational Links
A “link” is a transition point given to you by your conversational partner that you can use to extend the interaction without starting a new, unrelated topic. Every time a woman opens her mouth, she’s giving you a link. It might be her accent, the words she uses, or the information she gives you. If she tells you she’s Brazilian and studying English in the States for three weeks, you have three links that you can feed off (Brazil, studying English, here for three weeks). Once you’ve established a connection by responding to a link in the conversational chain, you can then ask another question or elicit another link.
Your goal with each link should be to connect in a positive way, enhancing the likelihood of rapport. The best way to do this is to talk positively about her. Less effective ways are to relate the point to your own experience, to be clichéd, or to be negative. Let’s look at the three levels of evolution in this area:
1. Conducting a high-pressure interview
You: What do you do?
Her: I’m an artist.
You: Cool, so … where are you from?
Her: Switzerland.
You: That’s nice. What do you do in your spare time?
Her: I like going to movies.
Put yourself in the girl’s position here. She’s constantly under pressure; the spotlight is always on her and she’s being asked to contribute a lot of information while getting nothing in return. Regardless of her answer, you move straight on to the next question. This is because you’re already thinking about the next question as she answers, instead of trying to use what she gives you in a unique way depending on her response. Unfortunately, this is how most guys try to connect with girls.
2. Self-obsessed relating
You: What do you do?
Her: I’m an artist.
You: Cool, my brother is an artist; he makes these sculptures out of tin foil. He made one the other day of a fish that’s really cool. So… Where are you from?
Her: Switzerland.
You: Oh great! I have a Swiss watch and I like Swiss chocolates. My friend went to Switzerland on holiday, said it was great. What do you do in your spare time?
Her: I like going to the movies.
You: I love watching films too. I saw that new one with Johnny Depp; that was cool. I want to watch that other new one coming out next week, forgot the name…
What’s going on here is that you’re using the link, taking the pressure off the girl; so it’s better than the interview. However, you’re not making a connection; in fact, you’re putting up a barrier. You’re saying, in effect, “Anything you say I will relate to my reality, and I won’t try to understand yours.” When someone is talking about himself,
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