trace of us.
“Avery, can’t we talk?” I beat on the door. “Avery!”
She had always been stubborn. I used to think it was because she was the baby of the family. My parents seemed to give in to everything she wanted. She had a later curfew than I did; she got to go to horseback camp and I didn’t. Her allowance was almost double mine. Being the younger sister had worked to her advantage despite how she complained about it.
I walked away.
“Where are you going?” The door was ajar. She blotted her face with a tissue.
“If you don’t want to talk, then I don’t want to force you. It’s not worth arguing anymore. I don’t have the energy to fight you on top of everything else going on.”
“I want to help you through this. I can see you’re hurting. It’s just…I don’t know if I can.” She wiped roughly at her eyes, smearing mascara in the corners. “I know I’m not supposed to judge you, but it’s still there.”
I wondered what I looked like to her now.
“Are you going to leave?” I didn’t expect anyone to understand what I had done. But faced with total abandonment, I was desperate for an ally, just a single glimpse of empathy. Although, I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“I don’t know. This is complicated. I want to be here for you. I do, damn it, Audrey. I’m mad at you right now.”
“I get that. I’m angry at myself.”
“Do you love him?” Her voice was quiet.
“Of course I love Spence. I’ll always love him.”
“No, I meant him . Did you at least love him?”
The word ripped at me. “I think I did for a little bit.”
“How can you love two people at the same time?” She was grasping, trying to make sense out of something that was illogical.
“Because they were different. They made me different.”
“And you couldn’t figure out that you needed something different without cheating?” Every question made me feel as if I was back in the police conference room, only this time my sister was dissecting my raw emotions.
“No. I didn’t even know it. I couldn’t know it.”
“I don’t get it. You’re not making any sense.” She rubbed her temples. “You had all this? This beautiful house, this life with a nice guy who was head over heels in love with you, and you gave it up for nothing. Nothing !” Her voice escalated. “I stood next to you at your wedding. I helped you move in here. I’ve been with you every Christmas, and you know what I was thinking the whole time?”
I shook my head, afraid to talk.
“I wanted this. I have prayed that I could have a husband like you had. I envied your life with him. I compare everyone I date to Spence. I wonder if we’ll have what you two had.” She glared. “And you just didn’t care.”
“Avery.” I didn’t know how to calm her.
“I think I’ll go in the morning. I need more time.” She walked backward. “I can’t do this.”
The next morning, we drank coffee in a quiet kitchen. I was surprised she was still willing to hug me when she threw her bag in the trunk. She promised to check on me later, but we both knew later was open-ended.
I stood in the driveway, watching her car turn out of the neighborhood. I lingered too long, a minute later a news van pulled in front of the house. A reporter ran toward me, shoving a microphone in my face.
“Did you have an affair with Paxton Tanner? Did you know he’s in police custody? What are your comments?”
I ran. My bare feet carrying me through the garage. I smacked the button before she could duck under the door. I closed the blinds and the curtains, and crouched on the floor next to the office window. There were more news trucks parked between my driveway and Paxton’s.
I crawled to the TV in the corner of the room and turned it on. There it was, scrolling along the bottom of the screen.
The entire world had just found out I had an affair with Paxton Tanner.
I opened the door for Stella.
“It’s quite the circus out there.” She marched
“Avery, can’t we talk?” I beat on the door. “Avery!”
She had always been stubborn. I used to think it was because she was the baby of the family. My parents seemed to give in to everything she wanted. She had a later curfew than I did; she got to go to horseback camp and I didn’t. Her allowance was almost double mine. Being the younger sister had worked to her advantage despite how she complained about it.
I walked away.
“Where are you going?” The door was ajar. She blotted her face with a tissue.
“If you don’t want to talk, then I don’t want to force you. It’s not worth arguing anymore. I don’t have the energy to fight you on top of everything else going on.”
“I want to help you through this. I can see you’re hurting. It’s just…I don’t know if I can.” She wiped roughly at her eyes, smearing mascara in the corners. “I know I’m not supposed to judge you, but it’s still there.”
I wondered what I looked like to her now.
“Are you going to leave?” I didn’t expect anyone to understand what I had done. But faced with total abandonment, I was desperate for an ally, just a single glimpse of empathy. Although, I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“I don’t know. This is complicated. I want to be here for you. I do, damn it, Audrey. I’m mad at you right now.”
“I get that. I’m angry at myself.”
“Do you love him?” Her voice was quiet.
“Of course I love Spence. I’ll always love him.”
“No, I meant him . Did you at least love him?”
The word ripped at me. “I think I did for a little bit.”
“How can you love two people at the same time?” She was grasping, trying to make sense out of something that was illogical.
“Because they were different. They made me different.”
“And you couldn’t figure out that you needed something different without cheating?” Every question made me feel as if I was back in the police conference room, only this time my sister was dissecting my raw emotions.
“No. I didn’t even know it. I couldn’t know it.”
“I don’t get it. You’re not making any sense.” She rubbed her temples. “You had all this? This beautiful house, this life with a nice guy who was head over heels in love with you, and you gave it up for nothing. Nothing !” Her voice escalated. “I stood next to you at your wedding. I helped you move in here. I’ve been with you every Christmas, and you know what I was thinking the whole time?”
I shook my head, afraid to talk.
“I wanted this. I have prayed that I could have a husband like you had. I envied your life with him. I compare everyone I date to Spence. I wonder if we’ll have what you two had.” She glared. “And you just didn’t care.”
“Avery.” I didn’t know how to calm her.
“I think I’ll go in the morning. I need more time.” She walked backward. “I can’t do this.”
The next morning, we drank coffee in a quiet kitchen. I was surprised she was still willing to hug me when she threw her bag in the trunk. She promised to check on me later, but we both knew later was open-ended.
I stood in the driveway, watching her car turn out of the neighborhood. I lingered too long, a minute later a news van pulled in front of the house. A reporter ran toward me, shoving a microphone in my face.
“Did you have an affair with Paxton Tanner? Did you know he’s in police custody? What are your comments?”
I ran. My bare feet carrying me through the garage. I smacked the button before she could duck under the door. I closed the blinds and the curtains, and crouched on the floor next to the office window. There were more news trucks parked between my driveway and Paxton’s.
I crawled to the TV in the corner of the room and turned it on. There it was, scrolling along the bottom of the screen.
The entire world had just found out I had an affair with Paxton Tanner.
I opened the door for Stella.
“It’s quite the circus out there.” She marched
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