this office, three centuries of it, nobody has ever once passed through customs from across the Eastern Ocean. The records are completely blank. In that respect I suppose you’d have to call it a bit of a sinecure.”
“Well, what with there being no work and all.”
“It’s a shame, you should see the customs forms, they’re really magnificent. The letterhead alone. You should take some. And the stamp—I’ll stamp something for you in the morning. The stamp is an absolute masterpiece.”
The tip of her cigarette glowed in the dimness. Quentin was reminded of the last time he’d smoked, during the brief but vigorously hedonistic period when he’d lived in New York, three years ago. Her cigarette was sweet and fragrant. He asked for one. She had to roll it for him, he’d forgotten how. Or had he ever known? No, Eliot had a clever silver device that rolled them for you.
“I hate to bring this up,” Quentin said. “But there’s a reason why I’m here.”
“I thought as much. Is it that magic key business?”
“What? Oh. No, it’s not the magic key.”
She leaned back and put her feet up on a chest she used for a table.
“What then?”
“It’s about the money. The taxes. You didn’t send any last year. I mean the island didn’t.”
She burst out laughing—a big, openmouthed laugh. She leaned back and clapped her hands together once.
“And they sent you? They sent the king?”
“They didn’t send me. I’m the king. I sent myself.”
“Right.” She dabbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “You’re a bit of a micromanager, aren’t you? Well, I suppose you’re wondering where the money is. We should have sent it. We could have, no one’s in any danger of starving on the Outer Island. Tomorrow I’ll take you out to see the gold beetles. They’re amazing: they eat dirt and poop out gold ore. Their nests are made of gold!” She kicked the chest their feet were resting on. “Take this. It’s full of gold. I’ll throw in the chest for free.”
“Great,” Quentin said. “Thanks. It’s a deal.”
Mission accomplished. He took a drag on the cigarette and stifled a cough. It had been a very brief phase, his smoking period. Maybe he’d had too much of whatever this was. Rum? It was sweet, and they were on a tropical island, so let’s call it rum.
“We hadn’t heard from you for years. There didn’t seem to be any point. I mean, what do you actually do with the stuff?”
Quentin could have answered that, but even he had to admit that the answer wouldn’t have been a very good one. Probably they used it to regild Eliot’s scepter. Taxation without representation. She could start a revolution. She was right. It was all so unreal.
“Anyway look what happened. They sent us a king. I think we might be forgiven for feeling a little pleased with ourselves. But why are you really here? Don’t tell me that’s the whole reason, it’s too, too disappointing. Are you on a quest?”
“I’m afraid I am going to disappoint you. I’m not on a quest.”
“I was sure you were looking for the magic key,” she said. “The one that winds up the world.”
It was hard to tell when she was joking.
“To be honest, Elaine, I don’t really know much about the key. I guess there’s a story about it? Do you get a lot of people looking for it?”
“No. But it’s just about our only claim to fame, aside from the beetles.”
A vast orange moon was rising, as orange as their cigarette tips. It was a crescent moon, hanging so low it looked like it could snag a horn in the Muntjac ’s rigging. Fillory’s moon was actually crescent-shaped, not round. Once a day, exactly at noon, it passed between Fillory and the sun, making an eclipse. The birds all went quiet when it happened. It still seemed to take them by surprise. Quentin was so used to it he hardly noticed it anymore.
“It’s not here anyway,” she said.
“I figured that.” Quentin poured himself more rum from a
“Well, what with there being no work and all.”
“It’s a shame, you should see the customs forms, they’re really magnificent. The letterhead alone. You should take some. And the stamp—I’ll stamp something for you in the morning. The stamp is an absolute masterpiece.”
The tip of her cigarette glowed in the dimness. Quentin was reminded of the last time he’d smoked, during the brief but vigorously hedonistic period when he’d lived in New York, three years ago. Her cigarette was sweet and fragrant. He asked for one. She had to roll it for him, he’d forgotten how. Or had he ever known? No, Eliot had a clever silver device that rolled them for you.
“I hate to bring this up,” Quentin said. “But there’s a reason why I’m here.”
“I thought as much. Is it that magic key business?”
“What? Oh. No, it’s not the magic key.”
She leaned back and put her feet up on a chest she used for a table.
“What then?”
“It’s about the money. The taxes. You didn’t send any last year. I mean the island didn’t.”
She burst out laughing—a big, openmouthed laugh. She leaned back and clapped her hands together once.
“And they sent you? They sent the king?”
“They didn’t send me. I’m the king. I sent myself.”
“Right.” She dabbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “You’re a bit of a micromanager, aren’t you? Well, I suppose you’re wondering where the money is. We should have sent it. We could have, no one’s in any danger of starving on the Outer Island. Tomorrow I’ll take you out to see the gold beetles. They’re amazing: they eat dirt and poop out gold ore. Their nests are made of gold!” She kicked the chest their feet were resting on. “Take this. It’s full of gold. I’ll throw in the chest for free.”
“Great,” Quentin said. “Thanks. It’s a deal.”
Mission accomplished. He took a drag on the cigarette and stifled a cough. It had been a very brief phase, his smoking period. Maybe he’d had too much of whatever this was. Rum? It was sweet, and they were on a tropical island, so let’s call it rum.
“We hadn’t heard from you for years. There didn’t seem to be any point. I mean, what do you actually do with the stuff?”
Quentin could have answered that, but even he had to admit that the answer wouldn’t have been a very good one. Probably they used it to regild Eliot’s scepter. Taxation without representation. She could start a revolution. She was right. It was all so unreal.
“Anyway look what happened. They sent us a king. I think we might be forgiven for feeling a little pleased with ourselves. But why are you really here? Don’t tell me that’s the whole reason, it’s too, too disappointing. Are you on a quest?”
“I’m afraid I am going to disappoint you. I’m not on a quest.”
“I was sure you were looking for the magic key,” she said. “The one that winds up the world.”
It was hard to tell when she was joking.
“To be honest, Elaine, I don’t really know much about the key. I guess there’s a story about it? Do you get a lot of people looking for it?”
“No. But it’s just about our only claim to fame, aside from the beetles.”
A vast orange moon was rising, as orange as their cigarette tips. It was a crescent moon, hanging so low it looked like it could snag a horn in the Muntjac ’s rigging. Fillory’s moon was actually crescent-shaped, not round. Once a day, exactly at noon, it passed between Fillory and the sun, making an eclipse. The birds all went quiet when it happened. It still seemed to take them by surprise. Quentin was so used to it he hardly noticed it anymore.
“It’s not here anyway,” she said.
“I figured that.” Quentin poured himself more rum from a
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