The Laughing Monsters

The Laughing Monsters by Denis Johnson

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Authors: Denis Johnson
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side. This one had a bed, a desk, a TV, and a standing electric fan, just like mine. A couple of shelves and hangers on a rod—no closet.
    I looked around for evidence of Davidia. The room had been cleaned, and everything was stowed, or hanging. It didn’t look as if anybody could have been napping here.
    “Full disclosure.”
    Michael unfurled a black shopping bag and dumped the contents on the bed: bright yellow electrician’s tape wrapping a package the size of an American softball.
    “Pick it up.”
    It was heavy for its size. “Feels like a couple of kilos.”
    He went hacking at the tape with a penknife and soon laid out before me a shiny lump of metal no larger than my thumb, on a rag of odd-looking material.
    It looked like gold. I assumed it was gold. I prayed it was gold.
    “What’s this stuff it’s wrapped in?”
    “That’s a bit cut from the smock you wear when you get an X-ray. It’s lead-lined.”
    “Oh, shit,” I said.
    “That’s right.”
    “Uranium.”
    “Very correct.”
    “U-235?”
    “No. It’s polished, but it’s just ore. As long as it fools a Geiger counter … Superficial authenticity, that’s all we’re looking for. It comes from southern Congo. The Shinkolobwe mine.”
    “Not from a crashed Russian cargo plane.”
    “No.”
    “You don’t actually have a planeload of enriched uranium.”
    “I told you—full disclosure. There’s nothing else. Have you heard of the Manhattan Project?”
    “Sure.”
    “The uranium for that came from the same mine, there in Shinkolobwe.”
    “Looks as if a dog just squeezed it out its ass.”
    “A little lump can make a very big bang.”
    “If I touch it, will I get cancer?”
    He laughed. I held it in my hand.
    “I’m in the process of parlaying that bit of dog business into one million dollars US.”
    As if he’d opened a gash in me, all the tension ran out. I dragged the chair away from his desk and sat down. “So it’s a scam.”
    “Of course it is. Do you think I’m running around with enriched uranium? If there was any U-235 on the market, New York City would be nothing but a crater already.”
    “And who’s our friend, with the fake gold necklace?”
    “Fake?”
    “Didn’t you see his neck? He’s probably poisoning himself with gold spray-paint. I didn’t like the way he came at me in the restaurant.”
    “He’s calling himself Kruger, probably because he’s South African. He saw you cruising around us. And Nair, it’s genius. The minute he saw you, I improvised something: you’re the bad scientist.”
    “I’m the mad scientist?”
    “The bad, the bad, the bad. You’re the renegade engineer who recently examined the crash site for the Tenex corporation. You reported to Tenex there was nothing there. No uranium material. But you lied. It’s there. You kept the truth to yourself, and you’re selling the crash site’s coordinates. Just a few numbers on a piece of paper. For one million cash US. It’s too brilliant, Nair.”
    He paused for my reaction.
    I couldn’t see where to begin. A bit of rain started on the roof above and the leaves outside, and we listened to that for a while.
    “You’re the verification,” he said. “We meet with Kruger and his partner, who’s bringing a Geiger counter. We give them this shiny radioactive object as proof of possession, and you verify what I say about the crash site. Then on to the big swap. One million.”
    “But, Michael, have you thought this through? Or thought even a little? How would this scam work? Take me through it, step by step. What are the steps that lead to the moment when the money’s out on the table?”
    “By the time the money’s on the table, we’ll have a lot of guys to help us. After our meeting with Kruger and his partner, we’ll have twenty-five K US as our payment for proof of possession. With some of that money, we’ll get a squad together. Congo is full of brigands. M23, Lord’s Resistance—plenty of warriors, and nothing to do

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