The Last Victim by Jason Moss, Jeffrey Kottler

was
     ending.
    Gacy enjoyed being as graphic as possible in describing his sexual tastes. I realized this was another test of sorts, trying
     to determine my own preferences, as well as how I’d react to his explicit descriptions.
    At first, I was sort of amused by what he wrote. I couldn’t believe his lack of inhibition.
    What do I fantasize about sexually? I assume you mean when I jack off. Well, it depends on what mood I am in and what I am
     thinking from out of the many past encounters I have had. Since I like being the aggressor, I like to get on in threesomes.
     Both male and female, making them my slaves in bed and doing it all.
    Straight sex or bi I enjoyed it all, knowing I can get off with both and enjoying anything that is consenting with others.
     I find if you satisfy your partner first then you can do anything. So I like to get them off first.
    In talking about sex, I suspected that Gacy was unwittingly revealing his philosophy toward his victims as well. As long as
     he helped them find satisfaction first, then he believed he had the right to do anything he wanted afterward, up to and including
     torture and strangulation. I made a note to follow up on this, to ask him at some future time what had influenced him to let
     some boys go and others not.
    In the letter, Gacy went on to explain that whereas he hated homosexuals and “gay acting” people, he was actually bisexual—an
     orientation he considered quite natural.
    He made a clear distinction between being with a man for mutual pleasure and actually
loving
another man. He thought that if there were no women around, then having another guy to “get it on with” was the next best
     thing. Although he held this position until his death, before he was arrested he’d completely stopped having sex with his
     wife and slept only with males.
    The word “consenting” in this letter was also something that helped Gacy rationalize his actions and behavior. He thought
     that as long as someone was consenting, then literally anything that ensued, sexually or physically, was okay. This would
     hold equally true if the partner in question was a handcuffed, fourteen-year-old boy who’d been handed an ultimatum to perform
     oral sex on Gacy or die.
    In my previous letter, I’d taken a bit of a risk by asking Gacy about the sense of power he felt when killing another human
     being—if indeed he’d actually killed anyone. Although he never stopped denying his guilt, he did slip innuendos into some
     of his correspondence referring to his crimes. This time, however, he chose to ignore my question about killing and instead
     talked about power in a sexual context.
    You asked about a sense of power. I think everyone feels that when having sex, be it with male or female. The power to bring
     someone off with your tongue is wild, as you have control over setting off their ejaculation, kind of like the power you have
     when beating it, you can bring it up and stop and hold off and then wait and bring it up again. Thats wild and to be honest
     with you I could even see doing it to you and having a lot of fun or even with you and your girlfriend getting both of you
     off without either of you touching the other.
    I loved wild parties. I think that when you have had an older woman you tend to want to control the younger one in doing what
     you want. What do you think? Older women like young toy boys as they call them. And its not the size of the ship, its the
     motion of the ocean. As anyone can fuck. Most like cut cocks circumcised. I am just 7” as I have been asked that many times,
     cut with a large head.
    This portion of the letter struck me as significant in many ways. It was the first time he’d made any reference to involving
     me in one of his sexual ideas or thoughts. And he’d referred to me as a “toy boy,” a term for a good-looking guy, sometimes
     a male prostitute, who gets what he wants by using his body.
    In future letters, Gacy began addressing