written. You could’ve let me know you were alive. You could’ve shown some concern, for even one minute. You could’ve done any of a thousand things, Terry, and you didn’t. Now you want to talk?”
I reached out and drew her into an embrace. My timing was off, as usual. I should’ve let her vent longer, but I thought that once she got started it might never stop. I was still avoiding responsibility.
She didn’t resist. She didn’t hug me back either. It was like holding on to a mannequin dressed like a young woman who sort of looked like my little sister. I kept at it, but there was no point. I let her go.
She said, “Is this where I’m supposed to forgive you?”
“No,” I said. “It’s just that I wanted to hug you, all right?”
“You going to give me a lecture?”
“About what?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either.”
“About whatever you think I need lecturing on, Terry. That’s really why you’re here.”
“You’re confusing me, Dale.”
I wanted to ask her what she felt about Collie. I wanted to know how his reputation had affected her in school and elsewhere. If instead of being known as a child of the nefarious Rand clan of thieves she was now marked as the sister of a thrill killer. I stared at that smear of blood-colored wax over her lips. I was as bad as the rest of my family. I didn’t want to ask anything of real consequence for fear of being asked something meaningful in return.
“What did Mom and Dad say?”
“They found condoms in the laundry and they don’t like your boyfriend.”
“Ah, shit. So that’s where that pack went.”
“Always double-check your pockets, Dale. Always.”
“So now you’re reporting back to them.”
“I’m here because I wanted to see you and say I was sorry for running out this morning.”
We locked eyes. I tried to let her read me. I didn’t know what it would mean or how it would go down, but I made the effort. She seemed about as satisfied as she could be under the circumstances, and her lips eased into a small, soft smile. She turned aside for a moment, and when she turned back the smile was gone.
“You really came back for Kimmy, didn’t you? Not us. Not Collie.”
“I don’t know why I’m here, Dale.”
“At least you’re telling the truth now. That’s something. Did you see her yet?”
“I saw her. I didn’t talk to her.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrugged. It was my father’s gesture. It was meant to deflect honesty, intimacy, and insight. I couldn’t make it a habit. “She’s married to Chub now. They have a kid. It’s not my place.”
“But you watched her.”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“So what was the point of that?”
“Good question,” I said.
“Five years out there on a ranch beneath the big blue sky, lots of time to clear your head, and you come home with a brain as full of snakes as when you left.”
I lifted my chin and studied her face. “Fifteen and you know everything there is to know, eh?”
“Not quite.”
“Right.”
“Okay, so she found condoms. What parent is going to like the guy who’s having sex with their little girl?”
“That’s a mature way to look at it, Dale.”
“I do my best.”
“I’m glad. So how about if you introduce me to the guy and we leave it at that?”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you don’t.”
The wind grew stronger. I could smell more rain in the air, another storm rolling in. Dale’s hair flapped in the breeze and for a second I saw the little girl I remembered, slipping off to sleep with her head on a Princess Lilliput pillowcase while I read about hepcat James Dean-looking blood drinkers who romanced the ladies across deep black fields beneath a hunter’s moon. A twinge of regret banked through me.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s go meet the beau.”
“Jesus Christ,” I said, “seriously, that’s what you call him? The beau?”
“I do.”
She locked arms with me and drew me along as we
I reached out and drew her into an embrace. My timing was off, as usual. I should’ve let her vent longer, but I thought that once she got started it might never stop. I was still avoiding responsibility.
She didn’t resist. She didn’t hug me back either. It was like holding on to a mannequin dressed like a young woman who sort of looked like my little sister. I kept at it, but there was no point. I let her go.
She said, “Is this where I’m supposed to forgive you?”
“No,” I said. “It’s just that I wanted to hug you, all right?”
“You going to give me a lecture?”
“About what?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either.”
“About whatever you think I need lecturing on, Terry. That’s really why you’re here.”
“You’re confusing me, Dale.”
I wanted to ask her what she felt about Collie. I wanted to know how his reputation had affected her in school and elsewhere. If instead of being known as a child of the nefarious Rand clan of thieves she was now marked as the sister of a thrill killer. I stared at that smear of blood-colored wax over her lips. I was as bad as the rest of my family. I didn’t want to ask anything of real consequence for fear of being asked something meaningful in return.
“What did Mom and Dad say?”
“They found condoms in the laundry and they don’t like your boyfriend.”
“Ah, shit. So that’s where that pack went.”
“Always double-check your pockets, Dale. Always.”
“So now you’re reporting back to them.”
“I’m here because I wanted to see you and say I was sorry for running out this morning.”
We locked eyes. I tried to let her read me. I didn’t know what it would mean or how it would go down, but I made the effort. She seemed about as satisfied as she could be under the circumstances, and her lips eased into a small, soft smile. She turned aside for a moment, and when she turned back the smile was gone.
“You really came back for Kimmy, didn’t you? Not us. Not Collie.”
“I don’t know why I’m here, Dale.”
“At least you’re telling the truth now. That’s something. Did you see her yet?”
“I saw her. I didn’t talk to her.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrugged. It was my father’s gesture. It was meant to deflect honesty, intimacy, and insight. I couldn’t make it a habit. “She’s married to Chub now. They have a kid. It’s not my place.”
“But you watched her.”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“So what was the point of that?”
“Good question,” I said.
“Five years out there on a ranch beneath the big blue sky, lots of time to clear your head, and you come home with a brain as full of snakes as when you left.”
I lifted my chin and studied her face. “Fifteen and you know everything there is to know, eh?”
“Not quite.”
“Right.”
“Okay, so she found condoms. What parent is going to like the guy who’s having sex with their little girl?”
“That’s a mature way to look at it, Dale.”
“I do my best.”
“I’m glad. So how about if you introduce me to the guy and we leave it at that?”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then you don’t.”
The wind grew stronger. I could smell more rain in the air, another storm rolling in. Dale’s hair flapped in the breeze and for a second I saw the little girl I remembered, slipping off to sleep with her head on a Princess Lilliput pillowcase while I read about hepcat James Dean-looking blood drinkers who romanced the ladies across deep black fields beneath a hunter’s moon. A twinge of regret banked through me.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s go meet the beau.”
“Jesus Christ,” I said, “seriously, that’s what you call him? The beau?”
“I do.”
She locked arms with me and drew me along as we