that could never ever be unsaid—though lord knows she deserved it.
And so, thus purged in her own way, Callie saved the piece to the COMP Drafts folder on her desktop: a computer file locked in a vault; another one of her dirty little secrets.
Chapter Six
Primal Scream
Study Tips, aka How to Survive Your First Reading Period with Your Sanity Intact
Brought to you by Alexis Thorndike and the Editors at FM
Step One: FORTIFICATION. Take this as seriously as an army engaged in medieval warfare would, or as a delusional schizophrenic might in preparation for a nuclear holocaust. Pick a safe study space: your bedroom (inadvisable: too small; the smell will get to you); common room (too public); Lamont (too social; the collective stress does weird things to people—ref: “Primal Scream” below); Widener (pretty good); Cabot (too isolated); Quad library (good, just so far away). Also, bring food. Enough to last the full two weeks of reading period in case you don’t change locations. Like, at all. Some people don’t. ( Ahem : science majors who sleep in Cabot Library.)
Step Two: LIBATIONS. Buy your Red Bull, Monster, or canned Starbucks Double Espresso shots early because CVS will run out. Take into account how much sleep you plan to skip.
P.S. Polyphasic sleep habits are inadvisable unless your name starts with “Leonardo” and ends with “da Vinci.” (Yeah—didn’t think so: so don’t even try.)
Step Three. Avoid ISOLATION. Now’s not the time to be a hero, kid. Ask for help if you need it, and if you don’t, then pay it forward to your peers. Sharing study guides is allowed, even encouraged, and is the best way to break up the test material.
Step Four. EDIFACTION. Nothing is as reliable as Old Faithful, i.e. reading the textbook. Dust it off and crack it open, and actually try to learn the good old-fashioned way what you might have missed when you overslept that one . . . month . . . of class.
Step Five. INVITATION. If you get invited to a party at some point during reading period, by all means go! Definitely do not go to all of them; instead just choose one or two. Breaks are just as important as studying if not more so: if you don’t blow off steam every once in a while, you could burn out faster than you can RSVP No, thank you. I have to study.
Step Six. VOCALIZATION. By now you all know that there are supposedly three things you have to do before you graduate: 1) Pee on the John Harvard statue; 2) Have sex in Widener Library; and 3) Run Primal Scream. Reading period will afford you an opportunity to achieve the latter, which, for those of you who didn’t already know, is a naked run through Harvard Yard. As unsavory as it sounds, there is evidence to support that this is a legitimate therapeutic activity. Plus, it’s tradition! According to the Crimson , “Primal Scream is imperative to student body sanity.” Just remember: if you decide to participate on whatever TBD night The Scream takes place, its wintertime and frostbite would be a real bummer down there !
Step 7. ABDICATION. Accept your limits. You can’t learn a semester’s worth of material in two weeks’ time, so if you were bad this year and worked hard but partied harder, start mentally preparing yourself for the inevitable lump of coal in your report card. And remember: an F can’t kill you—it will just ruin your life. Kidding! (Mostly?)
Step 8. CELEBRATION. Whoops! Better postpone this one until you see your grades.
We wish you a happy, healthy Reading Period, and the best of luck on your upcoming exams!
T ap tap tap tappity-tap-tap-tap, tap tap tap tappity-tap-tap-tap a pencil eraser rapped rapidly on a desk.
Clack-clack-clackity-clack typed thousands of keys on hundreds of keyboards as fingers flew, scrambling to finish final papers.
Whirrrr . . . whirr . . . beep, beep, beep went the communal printers as they groaned under the strain, spitting out study guides as fast as they could go.
Gnash, gnash, gnash, bubble,
And so, thus purged in her own way, Callie saved the piece to the COMP Drafts folder on her desktop: a computer file locked in a vault; another one of her dirty little secrets.
Chapter Six
Primal Scream
Study Tips, aka How to Survive Your First Reading Period with Your Sanity Intact
Brought to you by Alexis Thorndike and the Editors at FM
Step One: FORTIFICATION. Take this as seriously as an army engaged in medieval warfare would, or as a delusional schizophrenic might in preparation for a nuclear holocaust. Pick a safe study space: your bedroom (inadvisable: too small; the smell will get to you); common room (too public); Lamont (too social; the collective stress does weird things to people—ref: “Primal Scream” below); Widener (pretty good); Cabot (too isolated); Quad library (good, just so far away). Also, bring food. Enough to last the full two weeks of reading period in case you don’t change locations. Like, at all. Some people don’t. ( Ahem : science majors who sleep in Cabot Library.)
Step Two: LIBATIONS. Buy your Red Bull, Monster, or canned Starbucks Double Espresso shots early because CVS will run out. Take into account how much sleep you plan to skip.
P.S. Polyphasic sleep habits are inadvisable unless your name starts with “Leonardo” and ends with “da Vinci.” (Yeah—didn’t think so: so don’t even try.)
Step Three. Avoid ISOLATION. Now’s not the time to be a hero, kid. Ask for help if you need it, and if you don’t, then pay it forward to your peers. Sharing study guides is allowed, even encouraged, and is the best way to break up the test material.
Step Four. EDIFACTION. Nothing is as reliable as Old Faithful, i.e. reading the textbook. Dust it off and crack it open, and actually try to learn the good old-fashioned way what you might have missed when you overslept that one . . . month . . . of class.
Step Five. INVITATION. If you get invited to a party at some point during reading period, by all means go! Definitely do not go to all of them; instead just choose one or two. Breaks are just as important as studying if not more so: if you don’t blow off steam every once in a while, you could burn out faster than you can RSVP No, thank you. I have to study.
Step Six. VOCALIZATION. By now you all know that there are supposedly three things you have to do before you graduate: 1) Pee on the John Harvard statue; 2) Have sex in Widener Library; and 3) Run Primal Scream. Reading period will afford you an opportunity to achieve the latter, which, for those of you who didn’t already know, is a naked run through Harvard Yard. As unsavory as it sounds, there is evidence to support that this is a legitimate therapeutic activity. Plus, it’s tradition! According to the Crimson , “Primal Scream is imperative to student body sanity.” Just remember: if you decide to participate on whatever TBD night The Scream takes place, its wintertime and frostbite would be a real bummer down there !
Step 7. ABDICATION. Accept your limits. You can’t learn a semester’s worth of material in two weeks’ time, so if you were bad this year and worked hard but partied harder, start mentally preparing yourself for the inevitable lump of coal in your report card. And remember: an F can’t kill you—it will just ruin your life. Kidding! (Mostly?)
Step 8. CELEBRATION. Whoops! Better postpone this one until you see your grades.
We wish you a happy, healthy Reading Period, and the best of luck on your upcoming exams!
T ap tap tap tappity-tap-tap-tap, tap tap tap tappity-tap-tap-tap a pencil eraser rapped rapidly on a desk.
Clack-clack-clackity-clack typed thousands of keys on hundreds of keyboards as fingers flew, scrambling to finish final papers.
Whirrrr . . . whirr . . . beep, beep, beep went the communal printers as they groaned under the strain, spitting out study guides as fast as they could go.
Gnash, gnash, gnash, bubble,
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