The History Boys by Alan Bennett Page B

extent.
    Though they knew something was up.
    What was your essay about?
    Dakin Turning points.
    Irwin Oh yes. Moments when history rattles over the points.
    Shall I tell you what you’ve written?
    Dunkirk?
    Dakin Yes.
    Irwin Hitler turning on Russia?
    Dakin Yes.
    Irwin Alamein?
    Dakin Yes.
    Irwin More? Oh, that’s good.
    Dakin Two actually.
    The first one: when Chamberlain resigned as Prime Minister in 1940 Churchill wasn’t the first thought; Halifax more generally acceptable.
    But on the afternoon when the decision was taken Halifax chose to go to the dentist. If Halifax had had better teeth we might have lost the war.
    Irwin Very good. Terrific.
    And the other one?
    Dakin Well, it is Alamein, but not the battle. Montgomery took over the Eighth Army before Alamein but he wasn’t the first choice. Churchill had appointed General Gott. Gott was flying home to London in an unescorted plane when, purely by chance, a lost German fighter spotted his plane and shot him down. So it was Montgomery who took over, seeing this afterwards, of course, as the hand of God.
    Irwin That’s brilliant. First class.
    Dakin It’s a good game.
    Irwin It’s more than a game. Thinking about what might have happened alerts you to the consequences of what did.
    Dakin It’s subjunctive history.
    Irwin Come again.
    Dakin The subjunctive is the mood you use when something might or might not have happened, when it’s imagined.
    Hector is crazy about the subjunctive.
    Why are you smiling?
    Irwin Nothing. Good luck.

    Boys and staff all come on as the boys arrange the chairs for a photograph .
    Posner All my life I’ve been one of those squatting at the front. I don’t care about Oxford and Cambridge. I’d just like to graduate to a chair.
    Mrs Lintott moves up .
    Mrs Lintot t Posner, sit here. Rudge, you go down there.
    She moves up and he sits on the front row .
    Akthar Ready.
    They are all ready for the picture when the Headmaster turns up .
    Headmaster A photograph? Always a good idea.
    Dorothy, sit here. Then I can go here. Posner, you’ll be better on the floor.
    Who’s taking the picture?
    Akthar It’s delayed action.
    Headmaster No, no. Too much hit-and-miss.
    Hector, why don’t you take it?
    Mrs Lintott Then he won’t be in the picture.
    Headmaster Hector doesn’t mind.
    Mrs Lintott The boys might.
    Headmaster It isn’t for the boys. It’s for the school. Rudge, floor, Akthar.
    Now, boys. Look like Oxbridge material.
    No negative thoughts. Threshold of great things.
    Hector ‘Magnificently unprepared
    For the long littleness of life.’

    The boys do a farewell song and dance of Gracie Fields’ ‘Wish Me Luck as You Wave Me Goodbye’, then go off, leaving Irwin and Mrs Lintott waiting to see the Headmaster. Very flat and empty .
    Irwin What’s he want us for?
    Mrs Lintott No idea.
    Irwin Pep talk?
    Mrs Lintott Bit late for that, it’s probably about Hector.
    Irwin I sort of know.
    Mrs Lintott I imagine everyone sort of knows.
    Irwin Does his wife?
    Mrs Lintott He doesn’t think so, apparently, but I imagine she’s another one who’s sort of known all along. A husband on a low light, that’s what they want, these supposedly unsuspecting wives, the man’s lukewarm attentions just what they married them for.
    He’s a fool. He was also unlucky.
    For a start Mrs Headmaster didn’t normally do a stint at Age Concern on a Wednesday unless someone was off. And what if a customer had come in just as Hector had got to the lights and she’d been looking the other way? Or the lights had been green? This smallest of incidents, the junction of a dizzying range of alternatives any one of which could have had a different outcome. If I was a boldteacher … if I was you, even… I could spend a lesson dissecting what the Headmaster insists on calling ‘this unfortunate incident’ and it would teach the boys more