blurred together. Shocked. Stunned. Completely fucking speechless. I had to be dreaming.
Colin tapped the microphone to get the attention of the frenzied crowd, but when that didn’t work, he lifted his arm in the air, and remarkably, they all quieted down. But there was nothing quiet inside me. Everything else he said after and the whirlwind of activity that ensued was just white noise. All I could hear was his words playing in a loop through my mind.
“…because I’m gay.”
“…because I’m gay.”
“…because I’m gay.”
And what did that mean for me?
For us?
“you define yourself
by what you do
when the doing is
not a job,
rather a fire
within yourself.
the greatest tragedy the world
has ever told
you is that you
should be like someone
else.
you are what
no other soul is,
and those words alone should
decorate your mind
until your body falls to pieces.”
-Christopher Poindexter
Seth
I DON’T REMEMBER walking back to my car. I don’t remember driving to my favorite pub. And I sure don’t remember how many drinks I had before Colin found me, a sobbing, slurring mess who could barely hold my head up off the table.
But I do remember waking up the next day in the arms of the man I’d loved for years, with a smile on my face and a fullness in my heart, hangover from hell be damned.
“Mornin’, sunshine,” Colin rasped in my ear before kissing the top of my head, as he felt me stir to life. “How ya feeling?”
“I’ve been worse.” I rolled onto my side and peered over at him with a wicked grin, ignoring the pounding in my head and the wool ball in the back of my throat.
With a throaty laugh, he shook his head. “I don’t doubt that. Now you wanna tell me why you hightailed your ass outta there yesterday without talking to me? Surely you knew I’d be waiting for you.”
I shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. “I dunno. It was a lot to take in at once. Overwhelming. I needed some space to think.”
“You mean to drink?”
“Well, that too.” I chuckled, returning my gaze to his. “My friend Jack Daniels is quite the philosopher, holding all kinds of answers about the meaning of life and the ways of the heart.”
With another deep laugh I felt vibrating inside my own chest, he leaned down until the tips of our noses touched, his warm breath feathering across my lips. “And what kind of answers did he give you yesterday? Hopefully ones that said you should forgive your boyfriend for acting like a self-absorbed, pompous asshole for the last several years.”
“My boyfriend?” I wrinkled my forehead with mock confusion. “Pretty sure I don’t have one of those.”
A feral growl tore through the room, and before I knew it, I was flat on my back with a scowling, six-and-a-half-foot, two-hundred-and-forty-pound Colin hovering directly over me. The corners of my mouth twitched as I fought off the smile threatening to take over my face.
“Are you gonna make this more difficult than it needs to be?” His green eyes burned with an intensity I hadn’t seen in a long time. Maybe not ever. “You know I love you, Seth. I’ve never stopped loving you. You’re it for me, always have been. For a long time, I’ve put more value on what others think, what they may say if they knew the truth about me, than I have on our relationship. And I’m so damn sorry for that. I’m sorry it took this whole mess with Monroe and Oliver to make me realize what’s really important in life… what I should’ve grasped a long time ago — you and Monroe . The only two people who know and love the real me.”
Pausing, he brushed his lips over mine in the lightest of kisses. “I’ll do whatever it takes to show you I’m fully devoted to making this work. I won’t promise it’ll be easy, because Lord knows there’s a million people out there that will want to follow our every move, doing anything they can to break us up. But if you’re willing to give me —
Colin tapped the microphone to get the attention of the frenzied crowd, but when that didn’t work, he lifted his arm in the air, and remarkably, they all quieted down. But there was nothing quiet inside me. Everything else he said after and the whirlwind of activity that ensued was just white noise. All I could hear was his words playing in a loop through my mind.
“…because I’m gay.”
“…because I’m gay.”
“…because I’m gay.”
And what did that mean for me?
For us?
“you define yourself
by what you do
when the doing is
not a job,
rather a fire
within yourself.
the greatest tragedy the world
has ever told
you is that you
should be like someone
else.
you are what
no other soul is,
and those words alone should
decorate your mind
until your body falls to pieces.”
-Christopher Poindexter
Seth
I DON’T REMEMBER walking back to my car. I don’t remember driving to my favorite pub. And I sure don’t remember how many drinks I had before Colin found me, a sobbing, slurring mess who could barely hold my head up off the table.
But I do remember waking up the next day in the arms of the man I’d loved for years, with a smile on my face and a fullness in my heart, hangover from hell be damned.
“Mornin’, sunshine,” Colin rasped in my ear before kissing the top of my head, as he felt me stir to life. “How ya feeling?”
“I’ve been worse.” I rolled onto my side and peered over at him with a wicked grin, ignoring the pounding in my head and the wool ball in the back of my throat.
With a throaty laugh, he shook his head. “I don’t doubt that. Now you wanna tell me why you hightailed your ass outta there yesterday without talking to me? Surely you knew I’d be waiting for you.”
I shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. “I dunno. It was a lot to take in at once. Overwhelming. I needed some space to think.”
“You mean to drink?”
“Well, that too.” I chuckled, returning my gaze to his. “My friend Jack Daniels is quite the philosopher, holding all kinds of answers about the meaning of life and the ways of the heart.”
With another deep laugh I felt vibrating inside my own chest, he leaned down until the tips of our noses touched, his warm breath feathering across my lips. “And what kind of answers did he give you yesterday? Hopefully ones that said you should forgive your boyfriend for acting like a self-absorbed, pompous asshole for the last several years.”
“My boyfriend?” I wrinkled my forehead with mock confusion. “Pretty sure I don’t have one of those.”
A feral growl tore through the room, and before I knew it, I was flat on my back with a scowling, six-and-a-half-foot, two-hundred-and-forty-pound Colin hovering directly over me. The corners of my mouth twitched as I fought off the smile threatening to take over my face.
“Are you gonna make this more difficult than it needs to be?” His green eyes burned with an intensity I hadn’t seen in a long time. Maybe not ever. “You know I love you, Seth. I’ve never stopped loving you. You’re it for me, always have been. For a long time, I’ve put more value on what others think, what they may say if they knew the truth about me, than I have on our relationship. And I’m so damn sorry for that. I’m sorry it took this whole mess with Monroe and Oliver to make me realize what’s really important in life… what I should’ve grasped a long time ago — you and Monroe . The only two people who know and love the real me.”
Pausing, he brushed his lips over mine in the lightest of kisses. “I’ll do whatever it takes to show you I’m fully devoted to making this work. I won’t promise it’ll be easy, because Lord knows there’s a million people out there that will want to follow our every move, doing anything they can to break us up. But if you’re willing to give me —
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