dripped with skepticism.
I turned back. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to make up for things. I couldn’t tell you.”
“You didn’t know, yet you went on the ride with him?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Where does all this fear come from?”
“Fear?”
“Of inadequacy. Of being rejected and getting hurt? Of letting your walls down?”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Yes you do, and I’m starting to think it’s my fault. Mine and your mother’s.”
“Just drop it, Dad. Stop reading into things.”
“How am I supposed to do that? You’re losing weight, you’ve barely talked to me in a year, and I saw those pictures on your phone.”
“Excuse me?” I scooted away from him.
“I saw the pictures of you and that guy that was easily twenty-five years old. Why would you be spending time with someone that much older than you?”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
“I should hope not.”
“I don’t like dating guys my age. There’s too much drama that goes with it.”
“Drama meaning that they are actually in the same world as you?”
“Just leave it alone.”
“No. I can’t leave this alone. I can’t leave it alone unless I know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I’m completely fine.”
“Like the sleigh ride was fine? I hate that word.”
“I thought you taught me never use the word hate?”
He raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t mean I can’t. I want you to be happy. I want you to be willing to take risks if that’s what it takes to be happy.”
I’m not sure what happened, but it’s like the flood gates opened. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears started.
Dad appeared startled at first before he gently pulled me into his arms. “You care about him a lot.”
I nodded, taking a few moments to compose myself before trying to talk through the tears. “So much. I knew I did before, and then after we kissed…” Had I just told my dad that?
“I realize you’re old enough to be kissing boys, and I’m going to pretend that’s all you’re doing. But are you saying you felt even more after?”
“Yes. But he didn’t want me. He said he didn’t think he deserved me, but I know that isn’t true.”
“Wait, I thought you didn’t ask him how he felt?”
I groaned. “Dad, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t, but I’ll pretend. Let’s jump forward. How did you feel tonight? How did it feel to spend time with him again?”
“Better than I’ve felt in ages. I feel like me around him. Like I can be myself.”
“When are you going to see him again?”
“How do you know I’m going to see him?”
“Because of the look on your face when you walked in the door. And after you texted him.”
“Is that a mistake?”
“I told you sometimes you have to take risks. This is one of those times. It’s great to play things safe, but if you don’t mix it up a little, you can’t move forward. That make sense?”
“Kind of.” I shrugged. “I’m going to call Jade.”
“That’s a friend from school?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you in the morning.” I kissed him on the cheek before walking into my room. I wasn’t ready to admit that he was probably right. About everything.
I was ready to call Jade when I looked at the clock. She was on eastern time. It was way too late. Instead I texted Glen. How would you know you missed me more?
He replied immediately. Because I think about you all the time.
And I don’t think about you?
I don’t know. Do you?
Yes.
You said you’d see me tomorrow. Did you mean it?
Yes. I wasn’t chickening out.
Are you sure I can’t see you again tonight?
It’s late. And I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That never used to stop us.
But you aren’t down the hall, are you?
No, but I’m not far.
Let’s leave tonight with the sleigh ride. I don’t want to ruin it.
We wouldn’t ruin it. We could spend all night together without ruining it.
Spend all night together? The words sent shivers through
I turned back. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to make up for things. I couldn’t tell you.”
“You didn’t know, yet you went on the ride with him?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Where does all this fear come from?”
“Fear?”
“Of inadequacy. Of being rejected and getting hurt? Of letting your walls down?”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Yes you do, and I’m starting to think it’s my fault. Mine and your mother’s.”
“Just drop it, Dad. Stop reading into things.”
“How am I supposed to do that? You’re losing weight, you’ve barely talked to me in a year, and I saw those pictures on your phone.”
“Excuse me?” I scooted away from him.
“I saw the pictures of you and that guy that was easily twenty-five years old. Why would you be spending time with someone that much older than you?”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
“I should hope not.”
“I don’t like dating guys my age. There’s too much drama that goes with it.”
“Drama meaning that they are actually in the same world as you?”
“Just leave it alone.”
“No. I can’t leave this alone. I can’t leave it alone unless I know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I’m completely fine.”
“Like the sleigh ride was fine? I hate that word.”
“I thought you taught me never use the word hate?”
He raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t mean I can’t. I want you to be happy. I want you to be willing to take risks if that’s what it takes to be happy.”
I’m not sure what happened, but it’s like the flood gates opened. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears started.
Dad appeared startled at first before he gently pulled me into his arms. “You care about him a lot.”
I nodded, taking a few moments to compose myself before trying to talk through the tears. “So much. I knew I did before, and then after we kissed…” Had I just told my dad that?
“I realize you’re old enough to be kissing boys, and I’m going to pretend that’s all you’re doing. But are you saying you felt even more after?”
“Yes. But he didn’t want me. He said he didn’t think he deserved me, but I know that isn’t true.”
“Wait, I thought you didn’t ask him how he felt?”
I groaned. “Dad, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t, but I’ll pretend. Let’s jump forward. How did you feel tonight? How did it feel to spend time with him again?”
“Better than I’ve felt in ages. I feel like me around him. Like I can be myself.”
“When are you going to see him again?”
“How do you know I’m going to see him?”
“Because of the look on your face when you walked in the door. And after you texted him.”
“Is that a mistake?”
“I told you sometimes you have to take risks. This is one of those times. It’s great to play things safe, but if you don’t mix it up a little, you can’t move forward. That make sense?”
“Kind of.” I shrugged. “I’m going to call Jade.”
“That’s a friend from school?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you in the morning.” I kissed him on the cheek before walking into my room. I wasn’t ready to admit that he was probably right. About everything.
I was ready to call Jade when I looked at the clock. She was on eastern time. It was way too late. Instead I texted Glen. How would you know you missed me more?
He replied immediately. Because I think about you all the time.
And I don’t think about you?
I don’t know. Do you?
Yes.
You said you’d see me tomorrow. Did you mean it?
Yes. I wasn’t chickening out.
Are you sure I can’t see you again tonight?
It’s late. And I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
That never used to stop us.
But you aren’t down the hall, are you?
No, but I’m not far.
Let’s leave tonight with the sleigh ride. I don’t want to ruin it.
We wouldn’t ruin it. We could spend all night together without ruining it.
Spend all night together? The words sent shivers through
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