a drug dealer, chased by the police
and it didn’t stop. The police had to because of Marie and her mum and my
baby, my poor little baby who didn’t even have the chance to be born, and the
scum got away.
So, there I was stuck in the arsehole of the world fighting
to make the UK safe and the only thing I cared about, the only two things I had
to love were wiped out by some scumbag dealing drugs. Where’s the sense in
that eh, where’s the justice. How did I keep them safe?”
He looked at her now, deep into her eyes, though he must
have known she had no answers for him, he had no answers for himself. He shook
his head and grabbed the coffee cup and gulped the cooling drink. It was a
subterfuge, just to give himself time to carry on. Now he had started he was
determined she would know it all.
Chapter 29
Sylvie could think of nothing to say to him, this raw pain
was too much to deal with and so she simply stroked the back of his hand and
waited until he was ready.
“The army let me go, on compassionate grounds. I was no
good to them, no good to anyone for a long time and so I drifted. I couldn’t
go back to the house, I didn’t have any other place and so I dossed with some
mates here and there, slept at homeless shelters, whatever suited me at the
time.
“Slowly I came back, from the worst of it, but the world
didn’t make sense any more. I didn’t know what to do, how to get back on
track. Anyway, then one day, down in London, I saw a young lad being beaten
up. It was one of those things, three on one, he was on the floor and I just
jumped in. I know I was out of control, I was vicious, brutal. I suppose
there was some pent-up fury, whatever. I just remember it felt good to be hurting
someone, I know that’s awful but right then it felt better than anything had
for months.”
He reached across now with his other hand and took her slim
one in both of his.
“I was out of control, totally. In the end they ran off and
I helped the kid up. Turns out he was a runner for a drug gang and the scum I
had just beaten up were from another crew, oh shit it was just the same garbage
that goes on all over the place. It sickened me, this was the world that had
killed Marie and the baby and Marie’s mum. It was rotten, stinking and then I
saw what I could do.
“The army had taught me a lot of things, most of all they
had taught me how to fight.”
He paused, raised his head and looked into her eyes. Do you
want to know this stuff Sylvie? It’s not nice, are you okay with this?”
She nodded and managed to smile at him.
“Okay, well I went on a bit of a vigilante spree. I roamed
the streets, I hurt some people. Some of them were injured really badly, I
don’t know if they all recovered. I didn’t care much. I slept at hostels and
in squats, I was invisible and at night I went out and hurt people. It was
animal, inhuman, I thought I was doing a good thing, revenge, getting even and
so on, but really I think I was just living on hate and it was eating me up.
“After a while a mob down there approached me, they knew
what I’d been doing; they wanted me to work with them. Can you imagine? After
what had happened they actually thought I could become one of them.
“I played along, made the right noises, finessed them, used
the skills I had learned courtesy of Her Majesty’s armed forces. I got in with
the movers and shakers, right up to the top. They were stupid, really just
thuggish idiots but I played their game.
“Sylvie, I know you looked in the bag.” He raised his hand
as she opened her mouth to speak, staying the lie that had leapt to her lips.
“It’s okay, really. It’s what I would have done. I do
understand. It’s dirty money Sylvie, it’s taken from the people who tried to
recruit me. I left them all in a burning building, I don’t know how many
survived, I
and it didn’t stop. The police had to because of Marie and her mum and my
baby, my poor little baby who didn’t even have the chance to be born, and the
scum got away.
So, there I was stuck in the arsehole of the world fighting
to make the UK safe and the only thing I cared about, the only two things I had
to love were wiped out by some scumbag dealing drugs. Where’s the sense in
that eh, where’s the justice. How did I keep them safe?”
He looked at her now, deep into her eyes, though he must
have known she had no answers for him, he had no answers for himself. He shook
his head and grabbed the coffee cup and gulped the cooling drink. It was a
subterfuge, just to give himself time to carry on. Now he had started he was
determined she would know it all.
Chapter 29
Sylvie could think of nothing to say to him, this raw pain
was too much to deal with and so she simply stroked the back of his hand and
waited until he was ready.
“The army let me go, on compassionate grounds. I was no
good to them, no good to anyone for a long time and so I drifted. I couldn’t
go back to the house, I didn’t have any other place and so I dossed with some
mates here and there, slept at homeless shelters, whatever suited me at the
time.
“Slowly I came back, from the worst of it, but the world
didn’t make sense any more. I didn’t know what to do, how to get back on
track. Anyway, then one day, down in London, I saw a young lad being beaten
up. It was one of those things, three on one, he was on the floor and I just
jumped in. I know I was out of control, I was vicious, brutal. I suppose
there was some pent-up fury, whatever. I just remember it felt good to be hurting
someone, I know that’s awful but right then it felt better than anything had
for months.”
He reached across now with his other hand and took her slim
one in both of his.
“I was out of control, totally. In the end they ran off and
I helped the kid up. Turns out he was a runner for a drug gang and the scum I
had just beaten up were from another crew, oh shit it was just the same garbage
that goes on all over the place. It sickened me, this was the world that had
killed Marie and the baby and Marie’s mum. It was rotten, stinking and then I
saw what I could do.
“The army had taught me a lot of things, most of all they
had taught me how to fight.”
He paused, raised his head and looked into her eyes. Do you
want to know this stuff Sylvie? It’s not nice, are you okay with this?”
She nodded and managed to smile at him.
“Okay, well I went on a bit of a vigilante spree. I roamed
the streets, I hurt some people. Some of them were injured really badly, I
don’t know if they all recovered. I didn’t care much. I slept at hostels and
in squats, I was invisible and at night I went out and hurt people. It was
animal, inhuman, I thought I was doing a good thing, revenge, getting even and
so on, but really I think I was just living on hate and it was eating me up.
“After a while a mob down there approached me, they knew
what I’d been doing; they wanted me to work with them. Can you imagine? After
what had happened they actually thought I could become one of them.
“I played along, made the right noises, finessed them, used
the skills I had learned courtesy of Her Majesty’s armed forces. I got in with
the movers and shakers, right up to the top. They were stupid, really just
thuggish idiots but I played their game.
“Sylvie, I know you looked in the bag.” He raised his hand
as she opened her mouth to speak, staying the lie that had leapt to her lips.
“It’s okay, really. It’s what I would have done. I do
understand. It’s dirty money Sylvie, it’s taken from the people who tried to
recruit me. I left them all in a burning building, I don’t know how many
survived, I
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