The Good, the Bad and the Unready

The Good, the Bad and the Unready by Robert Easton Page B

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court chronicler, Georges Chastellain, wrote how he was skilful on horseback, excellent at tennis, and that he ‘loved to hunt… and linger over meals’. He was also something of a ladies’ man, with records showing that he had some twenty mistresses in all, maintaining a number at the same time in different places.
    Later in life, when not hearing Mass or watching dancers cavort, Philip loved to amuse himself in a sort of glorified portable shed, a mobile wooden hut in which he would while away the hours simply pottering about, making clogs, soldering broken knives, repairing broken spectacles, and so on. His son ‘Charles the Bold’ mocked his father for his hobby, and destroyed the whole outfit after his death. The shed may be gone, but Philip’s reputation as a good and popular duke remains intact.
    Good Duke Humphrey
    Humphrey, duke of Gloucester, 1391–1447
    Humphrey was famously pious, an excellent soldier (he received a wound at Agincourt in the service of his hero and brother Henry the ENGLISH ALEXANDER – see ENGLISH EPITHETS ) and a scholar of some merit, with his collection of classical tomes forming the core of the Bodleian Library in Oxford. Despite his notorious promiscuity and his track record as a truly lousy administrator, he was hugely popular among all classes and known throughout the land as ‘Good Duke Humphrey’.
    He did have his enemies, however, and none more so than Henry Beaufort, the chief minister of the realm. Beaufort found the hot-headed Humphrey contemptible and was constantly on the lookout for a way to stop him meddling in national affairs. His chance came when it was discovered that Humphrey’s wife, Eleanor, dabbled in witchcraft. Eleanor, it was claimed, regularly checked her horoscope and had once made a wax figure of Henry the MARTYR and melted it in a fire. For this she was imprisonedfor life and Humphrey was discredited and eventually arrested for treason himself. While in jail he fell ill and died.
    The phrase ‘to dine with the Good Duke Humphrey’, meaning ‘to go without dinner’, has its roots in a case of mistaken identity. Londoners in trouble with the law would often congregate (for discussion rather than for worship) in St Paul’s Cathedral, where they were safe from arrest. There they would gather near a monument popularly thought to be dedicated to Humphrey. In fact the good duke was buried at St Albans and the tomb was that of one Sir John Beauchamp. Nevertheless, people who could not afford a meal and instead whiled away the time in the cathedral were said to be dining with the duke.
    Good King René
    René I, duke of Anjou and king of Sicily, 1409–80
    Once upon a time there lived a king called René. His subjects loved him and called him ‘Good King Rene’, not only because he was kind and generous but also because he was the stuff of legend: a romantic dreamer in love with the chivalric ideal; a courageous soldier who wrote love poems and adventure stories; and a man who (in a reverse of fairy-tale convention) was rescued from prison in a high tower by a gallant and brave woman.
    After fighting alongside Joan of Arc, ‘the Maid of Orléans’, in the army of his brother-in-law ‘Charles the Victorious’, René fought for the right to inherit the duchy of Lorraine, but lost, ending up in Philip the GOOD’S fortress at Dijon. Once imprisoned in the high tower of the chateau, René developed an interest in art, painting miniatures on glass (possibly under the tutelage of the Dutch master Jan van Eyck) and decorating one of the rooms in the castle. But while René experimented with interior design, his young wife Isabel feverishly (and eventually successfully) campaigned for his release.
    Once free, René spent four fruitless years battling against ‘Alfonso the Magnanimous’ for the kingdom of Naples. Eventually he cut his losses, headed back to France and established abrilliant court at Angers, where he indulged his love of Arthurian chivalry and

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