usual in your absence. Summer can be such a miserable time, and I have been lost without your company.
My schooling is nearing its end, and I am certain that by your return, I will have received my first teaching assignment. I am hoping to remain in Austin, but that is as uncertain as everything else at the moment. Mother has taken a turn for the worse, and I fear she is at deathâs door. She hardly knows I am in the room when I visit, which is not as often as I should. Each time the door chime rings at Miss Ameliaâs I am most certain that it is Pedro, come to tell me that Mother has passed on to the next life. I know this matters very little to you, as your relationship with Mother was strained and uncomfortable, more so than mine. But when she leaves this world, I will be all alone, especially with you seeing to your duty, out and away from the city. Whatever assignment comes my way, after the completion of my schooling, I will be forced to take it, regardless of the location. I cannot depend on my weary uncle forever.
I have made it a point to stop by and see Lyle at least every other day since you have been away. Ofelia is such a good mother to him that I know it will be impossible to wrestle his heart away from her and ever take her place. I cannot imagine trying, for either of their sakes. Honestly, the two of them seem very settled in their life, and while Ofelia sees to my visits hospitably, I can tell she is very uncertain about my intentions. I wish to hurt no one. I only want to love Lyle, and Ofelia, too, as far as that goes. They are all that remain of your family.
What hurts most is your absence, the long days and even longer nights. I know now what my mother must have faced when my father left her for months at a time, out pursuing Ranger business, or other forms of war and manliness. The loneliness drove her mad, made her angry at every small thing. I fear I see a mirror image of her growing in myself. I am lacking in tolerance since you left. I do not wish to repeat her path, it is too sad to see. As much as I loved my father, I now realize that he put her through more difficulties that I could not, or would not, see. I love her too much to let that knowledge go now.
So it is with certainty and a heavy heart that I must tell you that I do not wish to continue our courtship. I think it is for the best that our lives separate before it is too late and some great harm comes to either of our hearts. I truly hope you can understand why I must do this now, and I hope upon hope that you will not think less of me, and will forgive me, if that is possible.
With great admiration, Pearl N. Fikes
Josiahâs hands were trembling. He slowly put the letter back in the envelope and looked up to the sky. The buzzards were gone, and a series of clouds were beginning to build in the distance.
Somewhere from inside the cantina, laughter between a man and a woman, Juan Carlos and Francesca, rang out, shattering the silence, bringing Josiah straight back into the world he had left while reading the letter.
He had no desire to join the merriment, and instead, he got up and walked away from the cantina as silently and stealthily as possible.
CHAPTER 14
The first drop of rain fell just as afternoon began to tilt toward evening. A gray ratty blanket had fallen over the earth, the distance blurry with mist, the sky bumpy and full of roiling clouds. The air was heavy with salt and moisture. If he hadnât known better, Josiah would have thought his eyes were filled with tears. But they werenât. He had cried at Lilyâs grave and had left his ability to shed any deeper emotion in the ground with her, hundreds of miles away. While he cared greatly about Pearl, he couldnât bring himself to face a broken heart. He was only angry. Angry that she couldnât wait until his return to Austin to end their relationship face-to-face. He would have burned the letter, and placed the moments with Pearl in a
My schooling is nearing its end, and I am certain that by your return, I will have received my first teaching assignment. I am hoping to remain in Austin, but that is as uncertain as everything else at the moment. Mother has taken a turn for the worse, and I fear she is at deathâs door. She hardly knows I am in the room when I visit, which is not as often as I should. Each time the door chime rings at Miss Ameliaâs I am most certain that it is Pedro, come to tell me that Mother has passed on to the next life. I know this matters very little to you, as your relationship with Mother was strained and uncomfortable, more so than mine. But when she leaves this world, I will be all alone, especially with you seeing to your duty, out and away from the city. Whatever assignment comes my way, after the completion of my schooling, I will be forced to take it, regardless of the location. I cannot depend on my weary uncle forever.
I have made it a point to stop by and see Lyle at least every other day since you have been away. Ofelia is such a good mother to him that I know it will be impossible to wrestle his heart away from her and ever take her place. I cannot imagine trying, for either of their sakes. Honestly, the two of them seem very settled in their life, and while Ofelia sees to my visits hospitably, I can tell she is very uncertain about my intentions. I wish to hurt no one. I only want to love Lyle, and Ofelia, too, as far as that goes. They are all that remain of your family.
What hurts most is your absence, the long days and even longer nights. I know now what my mother must have faced when my father left her for months at a time, out pursuing Ranger business, or other forms of war and manliness. The loneliness drove her mad, made her angry at every small thing. I fear I see a mirror image of her growing in myself. I am lacking in tolerance since you left. I do not wish to repeat her path, it is too sad to see. As much as I loved my father, I now realize that he put her through more difficulties that I could not, or would not, see. I love her too much to let that knowledge go now.
So it is with certainty and a heavy heart that I must tell you that I do not wish to continue our courtship. I think it is for the best that our lives separate before it is too late and some great harm comes to either of our hearts. I truly hope you can understand why I must do this now, and I hope upon hope that you will not think less of me, and will forgive me, if that is possible.
With great admiration, Pearl N. Fikes
Josiahâs hands were trembling. He slowly put the letter back in the envelope and looked up to the sky. The buzzards were gone, and a series of clouds were beginning to build in the distance.
Somewhere from inside the cantina, laughter between a man and a woman, Juan Carlos and Francesca, rang out, shattering the silence, bringing Josiah straight back into the world he had left while reading the letter.
He had no desire to join the merriment, and instead, he got up and walked away from the cantina as silently and stealthily as possible.
CHAPTER 14
The first drop of rain fell just as afternoon began to tilt toward evening. A gray ratty blanket had fallen over the earth, the distance blurry with mist, the sky bumpy and full of roiling clouds. The air was heavy with salt and moisture. If he hadnât known better, Josiah would have thought his eyes were filled with tears. But they werenât. He had cried at Lilyâs grave and had left his ability to shed any deeper emotion in the ground with her, hundreds of miles away. While he cared greatly about Pearl, he couldnât bring himself to face a broken heart. He was only angry. Angry that she couldnât wait until his return to Austin to end their relationship face-to-face. He would have burned the letter, and placed the moments with Pearl in a
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