The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad by Karl Pilkington

looked like seventy or so dwarfs on stage as the king of the dwarf empire came out and waved to the spectators.
    Richard, the director, was worried about featuring this in the programme. I texted Ricky to get the number for Warwick Davis to run the concept by him. He was in the film
Star Wars
dressed up as some little bear thing. He’s played a leprechaun and probably a gnome in something. To me there’s no difference in what he does to what they’re doing here.

     
    KARL : Hey, Warwick. It’s Karl, Ricky’s mate.
    WARWICK : Yeah? You alright? What you up to?
    KARL : I’m doing this travel thing, and, uh, I’m in China. I’m looking at a dwarf village and I was just saying you’re the
    only dwarf I know at home, and I wanted to run the whole concept by ya, ’cos I know that people at home might get a bit funny about it, saying ‘Oh, you shouldn’t be having a
    little dwarf village’ and all that. But, it’s really good, the people are dead happy, uh, nice little show they put on, and I just thought it would cover me if I spoke to you and
    said, ‘I’m at a dwarf village’, and you went, ‘Yeah, I’ve heard of that. It’s nice. Good on ya.’
    WARWICK : Yeah, I have heard of it. Definitely. But I don’t think it’s nice.
    KARL : Why not?
    WARWICK : Well, it’s like going back to the days of the freak show, really. I mean they’re all in there together, and you’re all
    going in there to gawp at them, basically.
    KARL : Uh, well, yeah, I did, and, you know, there are blokes in little funny outfits and all that, and you do sort of smile, but they’re
    smiling. I think it’s alright, innit?
    WARWICK : I think it’s terrible, Karl. I can’t believe it. How would you like it if I and everyone else watching the programme popped
    round to your house and watched you do the washing up?
    KARL : No, they’re alright, honestly. You’re as bad as everyone else, going ‘They’re not happy’. If you weren’t
    in
Star Wars
and all the pantos you did, what would you be doing?
    WARWICK : Well, I dunno, but I’m complicit. I actually want to do what I do. These people in the dwarf village in China – they might have
    no other choice, and that’s what worries me, ’cos there’s exploitation going on there. You don’t know who’s behind the scenes running it all. Did you meet them?
    KARL : Yeah, there’s a king.
    WARWICK : And is he little?
    KARL : Course he is.
    WARWICK : But that might be a show king.
    KARL : No, no, it was the head man. He was at the top. He had a little cloak and a crown on, shades, and you could tell he was in charge.
    WARWICK : But he’s just a performer, and it could be an act. These people, they might not want to be there. Seriously, I think it’s a bad
    thing. You’re just encouraging more of this sort of thing, by showing it and, basically, enjoying it.
    KARL : So, if all your work dried up – they’re not making a new
Star Wars
, you can’t dress up as a little monkey,
    you’ve got no money coming in – you wouldn’t think about coming here then?
    WARWICK : Definitely not, that would be the last thing I’d do. I’d just get a proper job.
    KARL : But you wouldn’t get a proper job. I’ve never seen a dwarf with a normal job. When I’ve had plumbers out time and time again
    for my knackered boiler, a dwarf has never turned up.
    WARWICK : But that’s not to say there aren’t any dwarf plumbers.
    KARL : I haven’t seen any. I’m 38, Warwick, and I’ve never seen a dwarf plumber.
    WARWICK : But dwarfs do have regular jobs. There will be a dwarf plumber out there somewhere, but what’s happening out in China is segregation.
    It’s exploitation, seriously.
    KARL : You haven’t been. See, this is what annoys me about people. I’m in the thick of it here. I’m stood by their houses, and
    they’re all happy. There’s a woman I met who’s a little dwarf, she’s only been here four months, and she’s already got her own mushroom to live in. Now you tell