The Seattle show went so incredibly well that I’ve become giddy. I love the people of Seattle, every single one of them. But I especially adore the people that came to my show tonight. Being onstage and making people laugh is really an amazing feeling. I wish I could explain it. I wish I could book all my fans into select venues across the country so they’d know what it’s like.
I’ve just been informed that we’re heading out to the Great White North after spending about four hours in Seattle. The only sightseeing I got to do was reading a brochure for a Space Needle tour. It sure looks neat.
[]
----
March 21
—
Orpheum Theatre, Vancouver, B.C
.
I was very excited to perform in Canada again. It’s like a whole different country! Learning about new cultures is so interesting. It’s very important when visiting other countries to at least try to speak their language. During my set I made sure to pronounce “about” as “aboot.” It’s the key to winning over Canadian audiences.
Went to dinner after the show and sampled one of Canada’s local specialties: Funions. At least that’s what they told us.
[]
----
March 22
—
Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Ore
.
Well, I’m back in the United States of America, in a beautiful city called Portland. It’s taken a bit of getting used to, after my whirlwind international experience.
I’ve been on the road for almost two weeks now. I miss my animals. I wanted to bring them along, but then my “posse” would include mostly cats and dogs. I think a posse is considered cooler if it’s primarily people. Gotta wrap this up; we head out to San Francisco in the morning and I’m going to need about twelve hours of sleep so I can make it up those hills.
[]
----
March 24
—
Davies Symphony Hall, San Francisco, Calif
.
I always love visiting San Francisco. I lived here so long ago, when I was just a penniless stand-up comic just starting my career.
I took a cable car to see where I used to live. It’s amazing, as you get older, how much smaller everything seems. Turns out, my old apartment was actually a galvanized steel garden shed (8’W x 3D x 5 1/2’H) from Sears. I’ve come such a long way. For lunch I ate all the famous local foods, all at once. RICE-A-RONI (the San Francisco treat), Ghirardelli chocolate, sourdough bread, and a refreshing glass of wheatgrass juice.
Afterward, I felt a little queasy, so I clipped on my safety rope and made the steep ascent back to my hotel.
Davies Symphony Hall is a perfect place for comedy, because symphonies are always so damn funny. I came prepared.
In case the crowd demanded a tune, I brought my autoharp onstage with me.
[]
----
March 30
—
Majestic Theatre, Dallas, Tex
.
It’s my last night in the Lone Star State. You know, what they say about Texas is true. Everything is bigger. The food portions, the hats, the bed-linen thread counts.
Remember that TV show
Walker, Texas Ranger? That
was HUGE . I rest my case.
Okay, here’s more proof that everything’s bigger in Texas. You know those teeny tiny miniature shampoo bottles you get in hotels? In Texas they come in five-gallon jugs—which makes stealing them a logistical nightmare.
[]
----
April2
—
Dodge Theatre, Phoenix, Ariz
.
Each night, at the end of the show, I’ve been doing a little Q & A session with the audience. It’s fun, and since I’ve been talking nonstop, it’s nice to give somebody else a chance. The people’s questions range from wanting to know the status of my latest projects to their asking me to define the molecular structure of certain kinds of cheese. Not all the questions are ones I can answer. But I always try.
[]
----
April 4-6
—
Wiltern Theatre, Los Angeles
The Wiltern Theatre is incredibly beautiful. It was originally called the Historic Wiltern Theatre when it was built in 1931. Now it’s just called the Wiltern Theatre, without the “Historic.”
Why would they have called a building that was just built
I’ve just been informed that we’re heading out to the Great White North after spending about four hours in Seattle. The only sightseeing I got to do was reading a brochure for a Space Needle tour. It sure looks neat.
[]
----
March 21
—
Orpheum Theatre, Vancouver, B.C
.
I was very excited to perform in Canada again. It’s like a whole different country! Learning about new cultures is so interesting. It’s very important when visiting other countries to at least try to speak their language. During my set I made sure to pronounce “about” as “aboot.” It’s the key to winning over Canadian audiences.
Went to dinner after the show and sampled one of Canada’s local specialties: Funions. At least that’s what they told us.
[]
----
March 22
—
Schnitzer Concert Hall, Portland, Ore
.
Well, I’m back in the United States of America, in a beautiful city called Portland. It’s taken a bit of getting used to, after my whirlwind international experience.
I’ve been on the road for almost two weeks now. I miss my animals. I wanted to bring them along, but then my “posse” would include mostly cats and dogs. I think a posse is considered cooler if it’s primarily people. Gotta wrap this up; we head out to San Francisco in the morning and I’m going to need about twelve hours of sleep so I can make it up those hills.
[]
----
March 24
—
Davies Symphony Hall, San Francisco, Calif
.
I always love visiting San Francisco. I lived here so long ago, when I was just a penniless stand-up comic just starting my career.
I took a cable car to see where I used to live. It’s amazing, as you get older, how much smaller everything seems. Turns out, my old apartment was actually a galvanized steel garden shed (8’W x 3D x 5 1/2’H) from Sears. I’ve come such a long way. For lunch I ate all the famous local foods, all at once. RICE-A-RONI (the San Francisco treat), Ghirardelli chocolate, sourdough bread, and a refreshing glass of wheatgrass juice.
Afterward, I felt a little queasy, so I clipped on my safety rope and made the steep ascent back to my hotel.
Davies Symphony Hall is a perfect place for comedy, because symphonies are always so damn funny. I came prepared.
In case the crowd demanded a tune, I brought my autoharp onstage with me.
[]
----
March 30
—
Majestic Theatre, Dallas, Tex
.
It’s my last night in the Lone Star State. You know, what they say about Texas is true. Everything is bigger. The food portions, the hats, the bed-linen thread counts.
Remember that TV show
Walker, Texas Ranger? That
was HUGE . I rest my case.
Okay, here’s more proof that everything’s bigger in Texas. You know those teeny tiny miniature shampoo bottles you get in hotels? In Texas they come in five-gallon jugs—which makes stealing them a logistical nightmare.
[]
----
April2
—
Dodge Theatre, Phoenix, Ariz
.
Each night, at the end of the show, I’ve been doing a little Q & A session with the audience. It’s fun, and since I’ve been talking nonstop, it’s nice to give somebody else a chance. The people’s questions range from wanting to know the status of my latest projects to their asking me to define the molecular structure of certain kinds of cheese. Not all the questions are ones I can answer. But I always try.
[]
----
April 4-6
—
Wiltern Theatre, Los Angeles
The Wiltern Theatre is incredibly beautiful. It was originally called the Historic Wiltern Theatre when it was built in 1931. Now it’s just called the Wiltern Theatre, without the “Historic.”
Why would they have called a building that was just built
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