The Flood-Tide by Cynthia Harrod-Eagles Page B

care deeply that we sent Edward to school instead of him,' he said to Jemima when they were alone. 'He feels that we slighted him, that we are ashamed of him. I think, whatever we fear, we ought to let him do this, if it is what he wants. He is probably much stronger than we think.'
    ‘Than I think, you mean,' Jemima said, and sighed. 'It is my fault, I know. I try to keep him safe. I didn't know he was so unhappy. I remember you once said you thought we protected him too much. You understood him better than I.’
    Allen kissed her. 'We cannot keep them from every danger, whatever we do. And as Thomas says, it is a healthy life.’
    Jemima smiled. 'Oh no, you cannot persuade me I am wrong about the hazards involved. I consent to let him take them, that is all. I don't suppose I shall ever see him again—' The smile quivered and broke, and he took her in his arms, and held her tightly.
    The worst thing for William was quarrelling with Charlotte for the first time in their lives. Charlotte was always quick-tempered, and that they had not quarrelled before was probably largely due to William's habit of agreeing with her. But that week she was more than usually irritable, and when it was all agreed, and Thomas had departed, having left instructions as to how William should join him and what he would need in his box, she entirely lost her temper. William was still not clear what it had been about. ‘So, you are going off and leaving me!' she had cried. 'I might have known it. Boys have all the luck, and girls have none, but I might have expected you to stand by me, my own twin! Why should you go to sea, and not me! You know it's what I've always wanted, more than anything.'
    ‘But I thought it was to be with horses you wanted most,' William had said, bewildered. 'You couldn't have horses at sea.'
    ‘You're jealous because Sorrell's a better horse than yours. But then I'm a better horseman than you - I suppose you were jealous of that, too. So you thought you'd show me. Well, I don't care. Go to sea, and leave me behind, and I wish you luck of it! You'll be drowned first minute, and I shan't care. I'd have made a better sailor than you ever could. It isn't fair. You ought to be the girl, and me the boy. Why should you have everything?’
    And she burst into tears of rage, and rushed away. William was sure she had not been making sense, but though temper was nothing out of the way, it was strange to him to be the victim of it, and stranger still not to understand what was going on in her mind. It grieved him terribly not to be close to her. It had only been his determination to prove to his parents that they need not be ashamed of him which had given him the courage even to think of parting from his twin. It had not occurred to him to explain his feelings to her, for he had always thought she understood them better than himself. It had not entered his mind that he needed to say to her, 'It will tear my heart to leave you, but it is a thing I must do.' He had assumed she knew all that.
    Their estrangement had lasted until the day he left, and had almost persuaded him to change his mind. But on the last morning, she had come to him before he was up, and slipped under the cover with him, as she had used to do when they were much younger, and hugged him. No words had passed, of explanation or forgiveness, but William felt easier at once. Then she slipped something into his hand - a lock of tough, grey hair, tied into a circle with red thread.
    ‘It's a piece of Mouse's mane. Josh cut it off for me, before he buried him. Promise you'll keep it with you all the time?'
    ‘I promise. It will be my talisman, like in the stories,' William had said. Now, by the fire in The Ship tavern, he felt for it in his breast pocket, for reassurance. He might be gone two years, or three. He might not see Charlotte again until she was a young lady, and dressing her hair up. The West India station was the best of all to serve on, everyone said that.