you think the only Jew in London she could have confused you for is me?'
'We'd just been together.'
'Coincidence. The woman is probably a serial anti-Semite. No doubt she calls everyone she robs a Jew. It's a generic word among you Gentiles for anyone you don't much care for. At school they called it Jewing (you probably called it Jewing yourself) - taking what's not yours. It's what you see when you see a Jew - a thief or a skinflint. Could be she was Jewing you back. I Jew You - could she have said that? I Jew You , in the spirit of tit for tat.'
'She said You Jew .'
'So she got it wrong. It was dark.'
'It was light.'
'You told me it was dark.'
'I was setting the scene.'
'Misleadingly.'
'Poetically. It was dark in the sense of being late, and light in the sense of being lit by street lamps.'
'Light enough for you patently not to be a Jew?'
'As light as it is here. Do I look a Jew?'
Finkler laughed one of his big television laughs. Treslove knew for a fact that Finkler never laughed in reality - it had been one of Tyler's complaints when she was alive that she had married a man who had no laughter in him - but on television, when he wanted to denote responsiveness, he roared. Treslove marvelled that a single one of Finkler's however many hundreds of thousand viewers swallowed it.
'Let's ask the room,' Finkler said. And for a terrible moment Treslove thought he just might. Hands up which of you think this man is, or could be mistaken for, a Jew. It would be a way of getting everyone who hadn't already registered Finkler to notice he was there.
Treslove coloured and put his head down, thinking as he did so that it was precisely this diffidence that put the seal of non-Jewishness on him. Who had ever met a shy Jew?
'So there you have it,' he said when he at last found the courage to raise his head. 'You tell me. What would Wittgenstein advise?'
'That you get your head out of your arse. And out of mine and Libor's. Look - you got mugged. It isn't nice. And you were already in an emotional state. It's probably not healthy, the three of us meeting the way we do. Not for you anyway. We have reason. We are in mourning. You aren't. And if you are, you shouldn't be. It's fucking morbid, Julian. You can't be us. You shouldn't want to be us.'
'I don't want to be you.'
'Somewhere you do. I don't mean to be cruel but there has always been some part of us you have wanted.'
' Us? Since when were you and Libor us ?'
'That's an insensitive question. You know very well since when. Now that's not enough for you. Now you want another part of us. Now you want to be a Jew.'
Treslove almost choked on his tea. 'Who said I want to be a Jew?'
'You did. What is all this about otherwise? Look, you're not the only one. Lots of people want to be Jews.'
'Well, you don't.'
'Don't start that. You sound like Libor.'
'Sam - Samuel - read my lips. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. A. Jew. OK? Nothing against them but I like being what I am.'
'Do you remember saying how much you wished my father had been your father?'
'I was fourteen at the time. And I liked the fact that he invited me to punch him in the stomach. I was frightened to touch my own father on the shoulder. But this had nothing to do with being Jewish.'
'So what are you?'
'I beg your pardon?'
'You said you like being what you are, so what are you?'
'What am I?' Treslove stared at the ceiling. It felt like a trick question.
'Exactly. You don't know what you are so you want to be a Jew. Next you'll be wearing fringes and telling me you've volunteered to fly Israeli jets against Hamas. This, Julian, I repeat, is not healthy. Take a break. You should be on the town. "Out" as you call it. Get yourself a bird. Take her on holiday. Forget about the other stuff. Buy a new wallet and get on with your life. I promise you it wasn't a woman who stole your old one, however much you wish it had been. And whoever it was still more certainly didn't confuse you with me or call you a
'We'd just been together.'
'Coincidence. The woman is probably a serial anti-Semite. No doubt she calls everyone she robs a Jew. It's a generic word among you Gentiles for anyone you don't much care for. At school they called it Jewing (you probably called it Jewing yourself) - taking what's not yours. It's what you see when you see a Jew - a thief or a skinflint. Could be she was Jewing you back. I Jew You - could she have said that? I Jew You , in the spirit of tit for tat.'
'She said You Jew .'
'So she got it wrong. It was dark.'
'It was light.'
'You told me it was dark.'
'I was setting the scene.'
'Misleadingly.'
'Poetically. It was dark in the sense of being late, and light in the sense of being lit by street lamps.'
'Light enough for you patently not to be a Jew?'
'As light as it is here. Do I look a Jew?'
Finkler laughed one of his big television laughs. Treslove knew for a fact that Finkler never laughed in reality - it had been one of Tyler's complaints when she was alive that she had married a man who had no laughter in him - but on television, when he wanted to denote responsiveness, he roared. Treslove marvelled that a single one of Finkler's however many hundreds of thousand viewers swallowed it.
'Let's ask the room,' Finkler said. And for a terrible moment Treslove thought he just might. Hands up which of you think this man is, or could be mistaken for, a Jew. It would be a way of getting everyone who hadn't already registered Finkler to notice he was there.
Treslove coloured and put his head down, thinking as he did so that it was precisely this diffidence that put the seal of non-Jewishness on him. Who had ever met a shy Jew?
'So there you have it,' he said when he at last found the courage to raise his head. 'You tell me. What would Wittgenstein advise?'
'That you get your head out of your arse. And out of mine and Libor's. Look - you got mugged. It isn't nice. And you were already in an emotional state. It's probably not healthy, the three of us meeting the way we do. Not for you anyway. We have reason. We are in mourning. You aren't. And if you are, you shouldn't be. It's fucking morbid, Julian. You can't be us. You shouldn't want to be us.'
'I don't want to be you.'
'Somewhere you do. I don't mean to be cruel but there has always been some part of us you have wanted.'
' Us? Since when were you and Libor us ?'
'That's an insensitive question. You know very well since when. Now that's not enough for you. Now you want another part of us. Now you want to be a Jew.'
Treslove almost choked on his tea. 'Who said I want to be a Jew?'
'You did. What is all this about otherwise? Look, you're not the only one. Lots of people want to be Jews.'
'Well, you don't.'
'Don't start that. You sound like Libor.'
'Sam - Samuel - read my lips. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. A. Jew. OK? Nothing against them but I like being what I am.'
'Do you remember saying how much you wished my father had been your father?'
'I was fourteen at the time. And I liked the fact that he invited me to punch him in the stomach. I was frightened to touch my own father on the shoulder. But this had nothing to do with being Jewish.'
'So what are you?'
'I beg your pardon?'
'You said you like being what you are, so what are you?'
'What am I?' Treslove stared at the ceiling. It felt like a trick question.
'Exactly. You don't know what you are so you want to be a Jew. Next you'll be wearing fringes and telling me you've volunteered to fly Israeli jets against Hamas. This, Julian, I repeat, is not healthy. Take a break. You should be on the town. "Out" as you call it. Get yourself a bird. Take her on holiday. Forget about the other stuff. Buy a new wallet and get on with your life. I promise you it wasn't a woman who stole your old one, however much you wish it had been. And whoever it was still more certainly didn't confuse you with me or call you a
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