The Field by John B. Keane

ACT ONE
Scene 1
    [Action takes place in the bar of a public house in Carraigthomond, a small village in the south-west of Ireland.
    Leamy Flanagan is playing pitch and toss with his younger brothers and sisters. Enter the Bird O’Donnell]
    Bird: Give us a half of whiskey for God’s sake, Leamy, to know would anything put a bit of heat in me. Leamy, do you hear me talking to you?
    Leamy: ’Tis freezing!
    Bird: ’Tis weather for snowmen and Eskimos. Where’s your father? This place is getting more like Las Vegas with all the gambling going on.
    Leamy: He’s gone down to O’Connor’s for the paper … That’ll be half-a-dollar.
    Bird: Take your time, will you? Why aren’t ye all at school?
    Leamy: Still on our Easter holidays. How’s trade?
    Bird: Same as always … lousy!
    [Enter Mick Flanagan scattering the children]
    Mick: Go upstairs, your dinner is ready. [To Leamy ] I thought I told you to sweep out the shop!
    Leamy: It’s nearly finished.
    Mick: You’ve been long enough about it. Right Nellie, up to Muddy. Good morning, Bird.
    Bird: Good morning, Mick.
    Mick: Did you clean out the store?
    Leamy: I’ve done the half of it.
    Mick: The half of it! – I told you to do the whole of it.
    Leamy: I had to look after the kids while my mother was feeding the baby.
    Mick: ’Tis too fond you are of hanging about with women and children. ’Tis a daughter you should have been not a son. [Discovering another child] And what are you doing hiding under the table, you little divil? [To Leamy] Go and ask your mother will the dinner be ready soon.
    Leamy: Yes, Da.
    Mick: And finish off that store or you’ll hear all about it from me.
    Leamy: Yes, Da.
    [Exit Leamy, Bird whistles]
    Mick: In the name of goodness, will you cut out that bloody whistling! One would swear you were a canary.
    [The whistler, whose name is ‘Bird’ O’Donnell, looks at Mick in surprise]
    Bird: [Throwing rings at a ring-board] I thought you liked whistling?
    Mick: Whistling, yes. I like whistling. But that bloody noise you’re making isn’t whistling.
    [Laughter from girls. Bird comes to the counter. He has thrown two rings and leaves the other four on the counter]
    Mick: C’mon girls, upstairs.
    Bird: Give me another half-one. It might improve my pipes.
    Mick: Have you the price of it?
    [Bird draws some change from his pocket and places it on the counter]
    Mick: [Counts money first, fills whiskey] Who did you take down now?
    Bird: Take down! That’s illegal, that is! I could get you put in jail for that. A pity I hadn’t a witness. ’Twould pay me better than calf-buying.
    [Mick places whiskey on counter and takes price of it which he deposits in cash register. Bird scoops up the rest of the money]
    Mick: There must be great money in calf-buying.
    Bird: Not as much as there is in auctioneering.
    Mick: [Goes to the stove, to poke and put fuel in it] Very funny! Very funny! Don’t forget I have to use my head all the time.
    Bird: [Leftish along counter] Not half as much as I do. Did you ever try to take down a small farmer?
    [Bird sits in angle of bar watching what is going on. Enter a small dumpy woman wearing a black-coloured coat. She is piled with parcels. She is Maggie Butler, a widow]
    Bird: Good morning, ma’am.
    Mick: Good morning, ma’am. Ah! Is it Mrs Butler? I didn’t see you with a dog’s age.
    Maggie: Good morning to you, Mr Flanagan. I’m afraid I don’t be in the village very often.
    Mick: What will I get for you?
    Maggie: [Laughs at the idea] ’Tisn’t drink I’m looking for, Mr Flanagan. ’Tis other business entirely that brought me. I’ve been thinking of payin’ you a call for some time.
    Mick: You wouldn’t be selling property now, by any chance? The bit of land or the house or maybe both?
    Maggie: No, not the house! Lord save us, do you want me on the side of the road or stuck in a