to think of something else, anything but Liv. She drove me mad with worry, and I knew what a mother felt like already. Why I’d ever want to have kids to feel this way over and over again was beyond me. How anyone could was something of a mystery to me. I stared out the sheer fabric of the curtains and watched the traffic speed by down the hallway. I suddenly felt a surge of hatred for this motel room, sending my heart fluttering in a dizzying rush.
I was tired of places like this, so temporary, so fleeting. I wanted to settle down, find a nice place to say longer than a few days or weeks and stay put—just stay. I was tired of just for a while. I wanted a forever kind of place.
“What are you thinking about so hard about over there?” Saul leaned on his arm, the sheet partially covering his stomach but exposing his muscular chest. For a blind man, he sure took care of himself. It was a sight I never got tired of; hardened chest and rippled stomach. His skin was smooth, and he let the hair grow down his midsection like a road to somewhere sweet.
“Oh, nothing…” I pulled my eyes from his body. My body was betraying me like sex addict. I liked how he made me feel. I just didn’t do anything about it. I wasn’t sure what was worse—wanting something you could have and not acting upon it, or wanting something you couldn’t have. Why I was frozen in my spot and hadn’t hit that, blew my mind. Every opportunity I got with Saul, I would turn away like a scared school girl. Why did I do this to myself?
“You’ve got more than nothing hanging in that brain of yours.” Saul rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. His unruly brown hair stuck up in all directions, some falling in his eyes. I wanted to jump over to his bed and push the strand away before I devoured his lips.
“Just thinking about life. Why do things have to be so complicated?” I nodded toward the bathroom, but he couldn’t see my motions, so I continued. “Liv’s doing this crazy act with Jonas, and I don’t like it one bit. I know I have to let it play out, but I don’t have to like it.”
Jonas stood up and headed toward my side of the room. Feeling for the bed, he made his way toward me and sat so close, I could feel his body heat radiating off him in hot, sweet waves. This alone sped my heart to a frantic pace, and I found myself holding my breath.
“You don’t, and I’m impressed on how you’ve handled your sister your entire life. A lot of people would’ve left their unruly siblings in the foster care system. Not you. You’re strong and persistent, with an enormous capacity for giving.” He reached up slowly, as to not poke me in the eye I guess, and found my face. His large hands felt warm and soft as he touched my cheek and made his way to brush my hair behind my ear.
I had to let out a soft, strained breath. He had my insides turning to mush.
“Thank you. No one has ever told me that.”
“Sometimes it’s good to hear we’re doing a good thing in life. So many people walk past each other without noticing the amazing beings they are just passing by.”
I smiled, flicking my eyes from one side of his face to the other. His eyes sucked me in, and I wanted to fall so badly. If only I could make the first move…but I couldn’t. I was frozen.
But I didn’t have to make the decision this time. Saul cupped my chin with both hands and drew me forward, letting our noses touch for a brief moment before his lips met mine. His kiss was soft, tender, and somehow asking for more. I sucked in a breath and waited, not knowing if I should run or let this happen. Saul answered my questions with another kiss, harder this time, hungrier, and demanding for more.
Kissing him back with an equal ache, I let my arms reach for him and wrapped them around his neck as he pulled me closer. Our tongues touched, our lips opening to let each other devour the other. My soul relaxed, feeling the need no longer to hold the barriers up
I was tired of places like this, so temporary, so fleeting. I wanted to settle down, find a nice place to say longer than a few days or weeks and stay put—just stay. I was tired of just for a while. I wanted a forever kind of place.
“What are you thinking about so hard about over there?” Saul leaned on his arm, the sheet partially covering his stomach but exposing his muscular chest. For a blind man, he sure took care of himself. It was a sight I never got tired of; hardened chest and rippled stomach. His skin was smooth, and he let the hair grow down his midsection like a road to somewhere sweet.
“Oh, nothing…” I pulled my eyes from his body. My body was betraying me like sex addict. I liked how he made me feel. I just didn’t do anything about it. I wasn’t sure what was worse—wanting something you could have and not acting upon it, or wanting something you couldn’t have. Why I was frozen in my spot and hadn’t hit that, blew my mind. Every opportunity I got with Saul, I would turn away like a scared school girl. Why did I do this to myself?
“You’ve got more than nothing hanging in that brain of yours.” Saul rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. His unruly brown hair stuck up in all directions, some falling in his eyes. I wanted to jump over to his bed and push the strand away before I devoured his lips.
“Just thinking about life. Why do things have to be so complicated?” I nodded toward the bathroom, but he couldn’t see my motions, so I continued. “Liv’s doing this crazy act with Jonas, and I don’t like it one bit. I know I have to let it play out, but I don’t have to like it.”
Jonas stood up and headed toward my side of the room. Feeling for the bed, he made his way toward me and sat so close, I could feel his body heat radiating off him in hot, sweet waves. This alone sped my heart to a frantic pace, and I found myself holding my breath.
“You don’t, and I’m impressed on how you’ve handled your sister your entire life. A lot of people would’ve left their unruly siblings in the foster care system. Not you. You’re strong and persistent, with an enormous capacity for giving.” He reached up slowly, as to not poke me in the eye I guess, and found my face. His large hands felt warm and soft as he touched my cheek and made his way to brush my hair behind my ear.
I had to let out a soft, strained breath. He had my insides turning to mush.
“Thank you. No one has ever told me that.”
“Sometimes it’s good to hear we’re doing a good thing in life. So many people walk past each other without noticing the amazing beings they are just passing by.”
I smiled, flicking my eyes from one side of his face to the other. His eyes sucked me in, and I wanted to fall so badly. If only I could make the first move…but I couldn’t. I was frozen.
But I didn’t have to make the decision this time. Saul cupped my chin with both hands and drew me forward, letting our noses touch for a brief moment before his lips met mine. His kiss was soft, tender, and somehow asking for more. I sucked in a breath and waited, not knowing if I should run or let this happen. Saul answered my questions with another kiss, harder this time, hungrier, and demanding for more.
Kissing him back with an equal ache, I let my arms reach for him and wrapped them around his neck as he pulled me closer. Our tongues touched, our lips opening to let each other devour the other. My soul relaxed, feeling the need no longer to hold the barriers up
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