splutter its way into the driveway and a minute later she came inside. She had this look on her face I was too young to understand, but I remember it and I know what it means now. She was nervous. What was she nervous about? Well, I was sitting there pouting like a spoiled brat and she knelt in front of me and she had this soccer ball in her hand. I looked at it, and then I looked at her.”
Ryan stopped for a second and then almost gave me a heart attack when he sobbed. A tear dropped from his eye, and I reached up to cradle his face and wipe it away with my thumb without thinking.
There was an impending sense of doom growing inside of me that was terrifying, as Ryan waved his hand in the general area in front of him, as if the memory of his mother was right there for us both to see.
“She had these bags under her eyes, wearing one of the two dresses I’d seen her wear in… ever . She had nothing for herself and she bought me a soccer ball. She must have been tired right down to her bones , but you know what she said?”
I shook my head, feeling cool air on tear-streaks on my own face.
“She said, “Sorry I’m late, sweetie, you wanna come play kicks with me in the park?””
Ryan didn’t talk for a while and I dropped my hand back down.
“I couldn’t have put it into words then, but that was the first time I had an inkling that she was giving me everything , and I promised to myself that, no matter what it took, I’d give her everything too. Only, when I gave it, it really would be everything. The world on a silver platter. Before I could do that, though, she got cancer.”
“Oh, Ryan…”
“Probably from one of the shitty jobs she forced herself to have so that I could have anything at all,” he muttered. “But the medical bills kept on getting bigger until I wasn’t breaking even anymore. So, I knew this guy who could get some F, and I managed to make some arrangements so that I could buy from him and sell it on. Pretty much straight away, that started making even more than the cosmetics business. It covers the medical bills and then some.”
“Is she getting… what do they call it… is she in remission?”
Ryan’s face contorted for a second before he squeezed out the answer he didn’t want to give. “No. But she will. She’s going to have it all.”
I reached out and pulled him towards me, holding his head against my chest as we fell backwards along the couch. “Shhh, it’s OK.”
Holy shit. What an emotional can of worms I’d forced him to open. This poor guy was just doing the wrong thing to try to do the right thing. He was a good man.
I will keep you safe. I’ll say it’s entrapment, we can still use the information to work up your supply chain… just not against you. And it could take years. That’s a long time for us. Whatever “us” is.
I stroked his hair for a while until he was breathing normally again. “Sounds like we’ve got some things in common then,” I said.
“Like what?”
“I’m an only child too, and I never knew my dad. Of course, I never knew my mom either. I was adopted, but then the adopted family were deemed unfit to parent and somehow I ended up in the foster care system. A broken system if ever there was one. I bounced around for a while, each family worse than the last until I ended up in a home with a guy that sounds a lot like your dad. Um… I never tell anybody this either.”
“Well, it seems fair…” said Ryan.
I gulped. “I guess so. This guy… one night he was so drunk… beating the shit out of his wife right in front of me. “Teaching respect” he called it. Well, something… snapped inside me, you know?”
Ryan nodded, without looking up at me.
“I was like… “You want to hurt her? You’ll have to go through me.” So I got right in there, in the middle of it, and, boy, he went straight through me. Feel this.”
I reached down and picked up Ryan’s hand, aiming the fingertips at just the right place on my
Ryan stopped for a second and then almost gave me a heart attack when he sobbed. A tear dropped from his eye, and I reached up to cradle his face and wipe it away with my thumb without thinking.
There was an impending sense of doom growing inside of me that was terrifying, as Ryan waved his hand in the general area in front of him, as if the memory of his mother was right there for us both to see.
“She had these bags under her eyes, wearing one of the two dresses I’d seen her wear in… ever . She had nothing for herself and she bought me a soccer ball. She must have been tired right down to her bones , but you know what she said?”
I shook my head, feeling cool air on tear-streaks on my own face.
“She said, “Sorry I’m late, sweetie, you wanna come play kicks with me in the park?””
Ryan didn’t talk for a while and I dropped my hand back down.
“I couldn’t have put it into words then, but that was the first time I had an inkling that she was giving me everything , and I promised to myself that, no matter what it took, I’d give her everything too. Only, when I gave it, it really would be everything. The world on a silver platter. Before I could do that, though, she got cancer.”
“Oh, Ryan…”
“Probably from one of the shitty jobs she forced herself to have so that I could have anything at all,” he muttered. “But the medical bills kept on getting bigger until I wasn’t breaking even anymore. So, I knew this guy who could get some F, and I managed to make some arrangements so that I could buy from him and sell it on. Pretty much straight away, that started making even more than the cosmetics business. It covers the medical bills and then some.”
“Is she getting… what do they call it… is she in remission?”
Ryan’s face contorted for a second before he squeezed out the answer he didn’t want to give. “No. But she will. She’s going to have it all.”
I reached out and pulled him towards me, holding his head against my chest as we fell backwards along the couch. “Shhh, it’s OK.”
Holy shit. What an emotional can of worms I’d forced him to open. This poor guy was just doing the wrong thing to try to do the right thing. He was a good man.
I will keep you safe. I’ll say it’s entrapment, we can still use the information to work up your supply chain… just not against you. And it could take years. That’s a long time for us. Whatever “us” is.
I stroked his hair for a while until he was breathing normally again. “Sounds like we’ve got some things in common then,” I said.
“Like what?”
“I’m an only child too, and I never knew my dad. Of course, I never knew my mom either. I was adopted, but then the adopted family were deemed unfit to parent and somehow I ended up in the foster care system. A broken system if ever there was one. I bounced around for a while, each family worse than the last until I ended up in a home with a guy that sounds a lot like your dad. Um… I never tell anybody this either.”
“Well, it seems fair…” said Ryan.
I gulped. “I guess so. This guy… one night he was so drunk… beating the shit out of his wife right in front of me. “Teaching respect” he called it. Well, something… snapped inside me, you know?”
Ryan nodded, without looking up at me.
“I was like… “You want to hurt her? You’ll have to go through me.” So I got right in there, in the middle of it, and, boy, he went straight through me. Feel this.”
I reached down and picked up Ryan’s hand, aiming the fingertips at just the right place on my
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