The essential writings of Machiavelli by Niccolò Machiavelli; Peter Constantine Page B

should you ever need my legal services, I will be most happy to oblige. But ad rem nostram 3 Have you given thought to which spa I should take my wife to so that she might conceive? I know Ligurio has spoken to you on this matter.
CALLIMACO: Yes, he has. But in order for you to fulfill your desire we must find the cause of your wife’s sterility. You see, there can be many reasons: nam cause sterilitatis sunt: aut in semine, aut in matrice, aut in instrumentis seminariis, aut in virga, aut in causa extrinseca 4
NICIA [aside]: We could not have found a worthier doctor!
CALLIMACO: Then again, if you are impotent, you yourself could be the cause of the sterility. If that is the case, then I can offer no cure.
NICIA: Me, impotent? You make me laugh! You will not find a more stalwart and virile man than myself in all of Florence!
CALLIMACO: If that is so, then I can assure you we shall find a cure.
NICIA: Might there not be another remedy than the spa? You see, I’m not too happy about the inconvenience of going there, and my wife is not too happy about leaving Florence.
LIGURIO: There is another remedy, if I may be so bold—the doctor is circumspect to a fault, so I shall permit myself to speak on his behalf. [ To Callimaco ] Did you not mention that you can concoct a certain potion that unfailingly leads to pregnancy?
CALLIMACO: Yes, I did. But I am usually reticent about mentioning that among people I do not know well, as I would not want them to think me a quack.
NICIA: Do not worry about me! You have already amazed me with the extent of your learning: there’s nothing I would not believe or do at your bidding.
LIGURIO [to Callimaco]: I believe you need to see a specimen from Madonna Lucrezia.
CALLIMACO: Yes, definitely, I must see a specimen!
LIGURIO [aside to Callimaco]: Call Siro and have him accompany Nicia to his house to get a specimen and bring it here. We’ll wait inside.
CALLIMACO [calling into the house]: Siro, I want you to accompany that gentleman. [ To Nicia ] And if it please you, Messer Nicia, I would be grateful if you would come back here as soon as possible, so that we might initiate matters.
NICIA: If it please me? I shall be back in a flash! I have more faith in you than a wild Hungarian has in his spade. [ Callimaco and Ligurio go back into the house ]
    SCENE THREE
Messer Nicia and Siro .
NICIA: This master of yours is a very capable man.
SIRO: More than you imagine.
NICIA: The King of France must regard him highly.
SIRO: Very highly.
NICIA: That is why I suppose he wants to live in France.
SIRO: I believe so.
NICIA: He does well to want to stay there. This place is full of brickshitters with no appreciation for a man’s skill and accomplishment. If he stayed here, there wouldn’t be a man who’d look him in the eye. You wouldn’t believe what I had to go through: I had to shit my guts out to learn a word or two of Latin, and if I had to earn my living off that, I’d be out in the cold, let me tell you!
SIRO: Surely you earn at least a hundred ducats a year?
NICIA: Not even a hundred lire, or a hundred grossi , I’ll have you know! And the reason is that here in Florence, if you’re not in with the ruling party and don’t have good connections, you can’t even get a dog to bark at you. All you can do is lounge about at funerals and weddings and loaf all day on a bench on the Via del Proconsolo. But I don’t give a damn! See if I care! And that goes for those worse off than me, too! But don’t repeat any of this, as I don’t want to end up being slapped with a fine or having a leek shoved up my ass.
SIRO: I won’t say a word.
NICIA: Here we are, this is my house. Wait for me here, I’ll be right back.
SIRO: Go ahead.
    SCENE FOUR
Siro alone .
SIRO: If all learned men were like him, we’d all be tipping rocks into our stoves. 5 One thing that’s certain is that that crook Ligurio and my besotted master will lead Messer Nicia to shame. And that’s fine by me, as long as word doesn’t get