The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown Page B
Book: The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown
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Authors: Tess Ayers, Paul Brown
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The policy of many individual pastors and rabbis is that if a couple has had a union ceremony and they want to end the relationship, they both must sign off on itâan âuncommitment ceremony,â if you will.
The first lesbian couple married in Massachusetts has separated. This is a huge problem. Divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not to Steve.
âLewis Black, satirist
----
The Countdown
Think of this as your Master List of things to do. The time frames are flexible, depending on how much lead time is available.
PHASE 1 (6 TO 12 MONTHS BEFORE)
Set the date and time of day
Establish priorities and set goals
Discuss finances, make preliminary budget
Set up organizational system
Tell friends and family
Draw up guest list
Send out save-the-date cards
Select and meet with officiant
Figure out preliminary legal steps to take to formalize your relationship
Think about what youâll be wearing
Explore locations for ceremony and reception
Shop around (get estimates and references, compare prices) for:
 caterers
 florists
 photographers/videographers
 musicians
 invitations
PHASE 2 (3 TO 4 MONTHS BEFORE)
Order invitations
Shop for rings
Determine attire
Choose wedding-party members
Register for gifts
Decide on locations
Contract caterer or make other food/drink arrangements
Shop for wedding cake
Think about the honeymoon
Adjust budget
PHASE 3 (2 TO 3 MONTHS BEFORE)
Mail invitations
Finalize arrangements with:
 caterer
 florist
 photographer/videographer
 musicians
Meet with officiant to work on ceremony
Order wedding cake
Think about all modes of transportation (limos, etc.)
Purchase or make rental arrangements for wedding attire
Begin to record gifts as theyâre received, write thank-you notes
Adjust budget
PHASE 4 (1 TO 2 MONTHS BEFORE)
Decide on specific music selections, give to musicians and/or DJ
Arrange for rehearsal dinner
Finalize ceremony
Work on ceremony announcement to be mailed to the press after the wedding
Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests
Meet with travel agent and finalize honeymoon plans
Do final attire fittings
Buy gifts for attendants and each other
Buy wedding day accoutrements (guest book, bird seed to throw, etc.)
Go over list of shot requests with photographer
Have final consultation with caterer concerning menu changes
Talk through the day and list potential snags
Adjust budget
PHASE 5 (THE FINAL 2 WEEKS)
Reconfirm all services
Make arrangements for final payments and gratuities
Pick up wedding attire
Get honeymoon gear in order
Double-check all final counts with caterer
Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
Get lots of sleep!
----
SIX
Telling the World
Guests and Invitations
Itâs very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it: â Marriage.â â You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didnât gay park it.
âL IZ F ELDMAN
W HEN YOUR COUSIN Bernice planned her wedding, there were huge fights between her mother and the mother of the groom over the number of guests each could invite. The traditional guest list is divided between the brideâs family and groomâs family, and is often further broken down by parentsâ friends and business associatesânot to mention the brideâs friends, the groomâs friends, and mutual friends. Tension is compounded if the brideâs parents are footing the bill and feel entitled to a larger chunk of the guest list.
You may not have the same problems as cousin Bernice, but in case we havenât mentioned it before, gay and lesbian weddings create unique circumstances that require some extra thought. For example, although you may really get along with the office manager at work, will
you
feel comfortable worrying about whether she will feel
The first lesbian couple married in Massachusetts has separated. This is a huge problem. Divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not to Steve.
âLewis Black, satirist
----
The Countdown
Think of this as your Master List of things to do. The time frames are flexible, depending on how much lead time is available.
PHASE 1 (6 TO 12 MONTHS BEFORE)
Set the date and time of day
Establish priorities and set goals
Discuss finances, make preliminary budget
Set up organizational system
Tell friends and family
Draw up guest list
Send out save-the-date cards
Select and meet with officiant
Figure out preliminary legal steps to take to formalize your relationship
Think about what youâll be wearing
Explore locations for ceremony and reception
Shop around (get estimates and references, compare prices) for:
 caterers
 florists
 photographers/videographers
 musicians
 invitations
PHASE 2 (3 TO 4 MONTHS BEFORE)
Order invitations
Shop for rings
Determine attire
Choose wedding-party members
Register for gifts
Decide on locations
Contract caterer or make other food/drink arrangements
Shop for wedding cake
Think about the honeymoon
Adjust budget
PHASE 3 (2 TO 3 MONTHS BEFORE)
Mail invitations
Finalize arrangements with:
 caterer
 florist
 photographer/videographer
 musicians
Meet with officiant to work on ceremony
Order wedding cake
Think about all modes of transportation (limos, etc.)
Purchase or make rental arrangements for wedding attire
Begin to record gifts as theyâre received, write thank-you notes
Adjust budget
PHASE 4 (1 TO 2 MONTHS BEFORE)
Decide on specific music selections, give to musicians and/or DJ
Arrange for rehearsal dinner
Finalize ceremony
Work on ceremony announcement to be mailed to the press after the wedding
Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests
Meet with travel agent and finalize honeymoon plans
Do final attire fittings
Buy gifts for attendants and each other
Buy wedding day accoutrements (guest book, bird seed to throw, etc.)
Go over list of shot requests with photographer
Have final consultation with caterer concerning menu changes
Talk through the day and list potential snags
Adjust budget
PHASE 5 (THE FINAL 2 WEEKS)
Reconfirm all services
Make arrangements for final payments and gratuities
Pick up wedding attire
Get honeymoon gear in order
Double-check all final counts with caterer
Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
Get lots of sleep!
----
SIX
Telling the World
Guests and Invitations
Itâs very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it: â Marriage.â â You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didnât gay park it.
âL IZ F ELDMAN
W HEN YOUR COUSIN Bernice planned her wedding, there were huge fights between her mother and the mother of the groom over the number of guests each could invite. The traditional guest list is divided between the brideâs family and groomâs family, and is often further broken down by parentsâ friends and business associatesânot to mention the brideâs friends, the groomâs friends, and mutual friends. Tension is compounded if the brideâs parents are footing the bill and feel entitled to a larger chunk of the guest list.
You may not have the same problems as cousin Bernice, but in case we havenât mentioned it before, gay and lesbian weddings create unique circumstances that require some extra thought. For example, although you may really get along with the office manager at work, will
you
feel comfortable worrying about whether she will feel
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