The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown Page A

relationships. Couples held ceremonies stating their commitment, but those ceremonies meant bupkus in a court of law.
    All of that changed when Vermont passed the Civil Unions Law in 2000. Same-sex couples in that state could acquire the same legal protections, obligations, and responsibilities as married couples. Since then, the legal landscape has been an ever-evolving map of rights. As of November 2011, there are six states that issue actual marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Twelve other states offer variations on the right to marry, ranging from recognition of marriage from another jurisdiction to granting the equivalent of spousal rights to same-sex couples within the state. It’s not only confusing; it’s also changing constantly. If you live in New Jersey, where they offer civil unions, but you get married in Massachusetts, what’s your legal status? Good question. That’s why you should consult an attorney.
    Try to find a lawyer who has experience dealing in agreements between same-sex couples; they’re not that rare anymore. You’ll need to draw up separate documents for each of the areas of your togetherness (and, unfortunately, in case you come apart as well). Some of the legal means by which you can try to cover yourself include power-of-attorney agreements, proxies, wills, insurance policies, and joint-tenancy agreements.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
    Tammy Wynette is sobbing, “Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today.”
    This is certainly not a heading you’ll find in any traditional bridal guide. But we feel that we need to at least mention what happens in this regard. Even though we’ve made great strides, it’sstill possible that your marriage isn’t legal, or that it can be rendered invalid at any moment by the passing of an act of legislation. In that case, what in the world constitutes a gay divorce, much less a gay divorcée? (Does she move to the suburbs, buy a closet full of jogging suits, get a little nip and tuck, and join lots of clubs?)
    We’re hoping you never have to deal with the train to Splitsville issue, but just in case you do, it will be easier if you’ve laid some groundwork ahead of time. Discuss it before you make the big commitment. What are the deal-breakers that would destroy your relationship, and how would the dissolution occur? You don’t have to dwell on the negative, you don’t have to go into details (unless you really enjoy it), but you
do
have to talk about the possibility. Once you get it out in the open, it won’t be so scary.
    Here again, the developing body of law in the United States and the variation in state laws is a real minefield. Take the case of Texans Russell Smith and John Anthony, who traveled to Vermont for a civil union ceremony in 2002 and, like the more than 40 percent of Americans whose marriages end in divorce, later decided to break up. Because they shared business deals, they filed for divorce in a Texas court; however, since that state did not recognize that a marriage had ever existed in the first place, no divorce could be granted. Though all it takes is a romantic weekend to tie the knot in Canada or Vermont, both places require at least one member of the couple to establish residency for a year before granting a divorce or official dissolution.
    Without access to divorce, benefits that can come with a civil union—shared property, adoption rights, insurance—must be undone one at a time. “It shoves gay people into a no-man’s-land where they have to fight it out for themselves,” says Evan Wolfson, director of Freedom to Marry. “Because it’s not marriage, people don’t have one of the automatic protections that comes with marriage.”
    Even if you do not have to be concerned with any state-generated documents, it’s possible that your religious or spiritual organization will require some sort of dissolution papers—especially if you want to remarry.