eyebrows went up. “ Your dress?”
She laughed but handed it to me and I slipped it on. “There you go. That wasn’t so bad, was it? You passed the test, Sylph.” I was sweating but they didn’t seem to mind the heat themselves.
We went into the parlor, where John lay on the ground with his long legs spread out in front of him, firelight making the watery fabric of his green shirt gleam. Tania and Perry sat on the couch. It was hard to imagine that they had been staring at my naked body a short time earlier.
I sat a bit farther off. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do now. The fire crackled in the grate but no one spoke.
“Remember when you told me about your thesis?” I asked John.
He turned his head and there was a brightness in his eyes, probably from the firelight, that I wanted to imagine had to do with me. “Yes.”
“You believe in the continuation of the soul?”
“I believe the daimon goes on in some form. In a form we recognize if that’s the way we perceive the world.”
“The daimon?”
John flipped onto his stomach so his face was closer to mine. “Daimons are the spirits in things.”
“Is it like demon?”
“Demons are considered evil. Daimons don’t have to be. Daimons are everywhere, every rock and tree and body of water, everything. Every culture has some form of them. But people stopped believing in them so they had to find different ways to be recognized.”
“If you deny them they will reappear in your head.”
“Exactly.”
“There’s a homeless man on the street. And the first time I passed him he said that. I thought he meant demon.”
“They appear in psychology, in dreams, anywhere they can be accepted. They don’t just come for their own purposes. Without them people are nothing, zombies. Daimons are souls and I don’t think they ever just vanish into some void.”
“Because my friend…” I began.
Tania reached out for me. “Come here,” she said. “Come, baby, come closer to the fire.”
“I’m too hot.”
“Come closer.”
I found myself moving toward them. The heat was so intense, especially after the cold of the garden. My head was a-throb and it was hard to breathe. Moisture trickled into my eyes like tears.
“It’s purifying,” Tania said. “It will help you understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Who we are. Who you are.”
“Who are you?” But maybe I didn’t want to understand. Suddenly a black shade of anxiety was dropping down over my mind. I needed air. I was gasping for it.
“Are you okay?” John asked. He got up and came to sit beside me, handed me a glass of water and I took a small sip. He brushed some hair from my cheek. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I feel a little light-headed.”
John turned to Tania and Perry. “I’ll take her home,” he said.
Just like the last time he put me in the finned car with the torn upholstery and drove me to the dorms. We didn’t talk the whole way; I was too exhausted from the night. I sat breathing that warm, heady flower-smoke scent that seemed to follow them everywhere and staring at a crystal pendant that looked like a piece from a chandelier hanging from the rearview mirror. I wondered if it might hypnotize me if I stared at it long enough.
“We’re going away for a little while,” John said. “To visit some friends. Can I see you when we get back?”
I nodded, still staring at the piece of crystal. I wanted to ask if I had passed the test, if I was an initiate into their world now, but if he was saying he wanted to see me when they returned, I assumed I was. The question really was, how long could I stand to be away from them?
When we got to the dorm, John walked me to the door of the lobby and opened it for me but he didn’t come inside.
13. Nor can the circles of the stars tire out their dancing feet
I went to classics Monday morning and sat in the back of the huge lecture hall as Professor Gordon, a small man with a neat, pointed beard, told us
She laughed but handed it to me and I slipped it on. “There you go. That wasn’t so bad, was it? You passed the test, Sylph.” I was sweating but they didn’t seem to mind the heat themselves.
We went into the parlor, where John lay on the ground with his long legs spread out in front of him, firelight making the watery fabric of his green shirt gleam. Tania and Perry sat on the couch. It was hard to imagine that they had been staring at my naked body a short time earlier.
I sat a bit farther off. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do now. The fire crackled in the grate but no one spoke.
“Remember when you told me about your thesis?” I asked John.
He turned his head and there was a brightness in his eyes, probably from the firelight, that I wanted to imagine had to do with me. “Yes.”
“You believe in the continuation of the soul?”
“I believe the daimon goes on in some form. In a form we recognize if that’s the way we perceive the world.”
“The daimon?”
John flipped onto his stomach so his face was closer to mine. “Daimons are the spirits in things.”
“Is it like demon?”
“Demons are considered evil. Daimons don’t have to be. Daimons are everywhere, every rock and tree and body of water, everything. Every culture has some form of them. But people stopped believing in them so they had to find different ways to be recognized.”
“If you deny them they will reappear in your head.”
“Exactly.”
“There’s a homeless man on the street. And the first time I passed him he said that. I thought he meant demon.”
“They appear in psychology, in dreams, anywhere they can be accepted. They don’t just come for their own purposes. Without them people are nothing, zombies. Daimons are souls and I don’t think they ever just vanish into some void.”
“Because my friend…” I began.
Tania reached out for me. “Come here,” she said. “Come, baby, come closer to the fire.”
“I’m too hot.”
“Come closer.”
I found myself moving toward them. The heat was so intense, especially after the cold of the garden. My head was a-throb and it was hard to breathe. Moisture trickled into my eyes like tears.
“It’s purifying,” Tania said. “It will help you understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Who we are. Who you are.”
“Who are you?” But maybe I didn’t want to understand. Suddenly a black shade of anxiety was dropping down over my mind. I needed air. I was gasping for it.
“Are you okay?” John asked. He got up and came to sit beside me, handed me a glass of water and I took a small sip. He brushed some hair from my cheek. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I feel a little light-headed.”
John turned to Tania and Perry. “I’ll take her home,” he said.
Just like the last time he put me in the finned car with the torn upholstery and drove me to the dorms. We didn’t talk the whole way; I was too exhausted from the night. I sat breathing that warm, heady flower-smoke scent that seemed to follow them everywhere and staring at a crystal pendant that looked like a piece from a chandelier hanging from the rearview mirror. I wondered if it might hypnotize me if I stared at it long enough.
“We’re going away for a little while,” John said. “To visit some friends. Can I see you when we get back?”
I nodded, still staring at the piece of crystal. I wanted to ask if I had passed the test, if I was an initiate into their world now, but if he was saying he wanted to see me when they returned, I assumed I was. The question really was, how long could I stand to be away from them?
When we got to the dorm, John walked me to the door of the lobby and opened it for me but he didn’t come inside.
13. Nor can the circles of the stars tire out their dancing feet
I went to classics Monday morning and sat in the back of the huge lecture hall as Professor Gordon, a small man with a neat, pointed beard, told us
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