The Drought (The hilarious laugh-out loud comedy about dating disasters!) by Steven Scaffardi Page B

me up,” and he punched my arm,
immediately making it go dead. “I’m going to take an eyelash. Get
the drinks in.” He downed the rest of his pint before heading off
to the toilet.
    I was only halfway through my
pint and knew I was in for a long night if I was going to keep up
with him. I ordered us another two pints, and attempted to sink as
much of my first pint as I could before Ollie returned.
    “ Well, look
who it is,” someone said bitingly behind me.
    I knew that voice. I knew it
all too well. I closed my eyes tightly hoping it wasn’t who I
thought it was, but no such luck. I turned around to be greeted by
Stacey.
    And her new boyfriend Dave.
    “ Hi Stacey,” I
said trying to be grown-up about the situation. I nodded and
half-smiled towards Dave, extending my hand to him. Stacey slapped
my hand away immediately.
    “ I don’t think
so,” she growled, her face all screwed up. “I’ve already told Dave
all about you so don’t go thinking you’re going to be
mates.”
    Dave just stared at me, a
crooked smile on his face. “I don’t have a problem with you,
Stacey, and I really don’t want any trouble,” I told them both.
    “ Trouble? If
you want trouble, mate, I can give you trouble.” Dave added his
intellectual input to the conversation. The guy was a real piece of
work. His big gold earrings looked thick enough for a gymnast to
swing off of. He had a small ginger goatee and a tattoo across his
shaven head. He was short, but stocky, with a small scar across his
cheek. No doubt a proud battle scar.
    “ I said
I don’t want any
trouble,” I repeated just to reiterate my position. I’d never been
a great fighter. I’d struggle to fight my way out of a wet paper
bag. But I really didn’t want to back down, especially as I knew
how much satisfaction it would give Stacey. Then again, I didn’t
want to take a beating either. I liked my face. It wasn’t the best
looking face as it was, and I was pretty sure Dave was not
interested in enhancing my appearance.
    “ Well, maybe
you don’t have a choice,” Dave said positioning himself in front of
me so we were nose-to-nose. First Sophie, now Dave. I wondered how
many more people Stacey had lined up to inflict injury on me. I
wouldn’t have been surprised if she had started a Facebook group
called Death to Dan Hilles.
    I tried my utmost to stand my
ground. Dave snarled at me, the left side of his lip curling
upwards like a rabid dog flashing his fangs. I attempted an equally
menacing look to try and cover up the fear that was slowly building
up inside me, but I probably looked more like a stroke victim. I
was praying for the best but expecting the worse.
    “ Is there a
problem here?” I had never been so pleased to hear Ollie’s voice in
all my life.
    “ This is
between me and him,” Dave said not taking his eyes off me. I stood
my ground, growing in confidence now I had Ollie next to
me.
    “ If you have a
problem with him, then you have a problem with me,” Ollie told him,
manhandling me out of the way to square up to Dave. Ollie towered
over him. My masculinity took a slight knock, but under the
circumstances I was willing to live with that. I merely poked my
head over Ollie’s shoulder to eyeball Dave. I’m not too sure it
made much difference, but Dave backed away slowly with Stacey
pulling at his arm. Part of me likes to believe that my iron stare
from behind Ollie's broad frame had Dave running scared.
    “ Come on,
Dave, he’s not worth it,” Stacey whined.
    “ I'll catch up
with you when your boyfriend isn't around, Danielle,” Dave said,
sarcastically blowing a kiss at me before exiting the
pub.
    Ollie glared at the door a
second longer before returning to the bar and nonchalantly sipping
at his pint. “Well, you shit yourself, didn't ya?” he said
grinning.
    “ Nah, not
really...” I stuttered. “I had it under control.” We both laughed.
“Thanks mate,” I said to Ollie. “I could have dealt with that,
but...”
    “