around herself. Every part of her felt swollen, awakened and raw with sensation.
One night was all he wanted from her in the end. She should be relieved. When the lust and physical need were cold and done, he would have no reason to keep her. Madame had taught her that.
A strand of hair fell over her eyes and she pushed it back. No wonder they all stared at her so fearfully in her disarray. The sun was starting to sink in the sky. She didn’t have much time left before dark.
She let Auntie take her arm and lead her back up to her room as if she were a doll. The stairs seemed to stretch on endlessly. Her feet fell heavily on each step. The surge of emotion had left her drained.
They returned together to her quarters. Suyin sank into a chair in the sitting room and began working her hair loose from its knot. Auntie rushed to help her, pulling the pins to lower her hair with a gentle, careful hand. The tenderness of it made her throat tighten. Of all of them, she would miss Auntie the most once she was gone, but she couldn’t stay. She had to think of survival. That was her one true talent. Her ability to bend men to her will was only a myth.
‘My lady must know Master Li would never hurt her,’ Auntie said, squeezing her hand.
‘Auntie is too trusting.’
‘Tao will have to seek atonement in the next life, but he would never harm a defenceless woman.’
Suyin stifled a bitter laugh. ‘Defenceless?’
Auntie was blind when it came to Li Tao, but the old woman was mistaken about her as well. She had caused enough harm in her life without ever holding a weapon in her hand. Hadn’t she sent Ru Shan to his death? Li Tao’s eyes had been flat, reflecting nothing as he’d held his sword over the soldier. It was a killing look.
But he hadn’t acted yet.
Auntie disappeared momentarily and returned from the dressing room with a comb. Suyin took it from her hands. ‘Please go check on Ru Shan. Don’t let Governor Li know that I asked.’
Li Tao had accused her of turning his servants against him. She couldn’t bear the thought of what he would do to Auntie and the others if he suspected any more disloyalty.
The old woman nodded and hurried away. The hinges creaked as she closed the doors behind her. As soon as she was alone, Suyin doubled over in her chair, eyes closed, hand pressed against her midsection to steady her breath. A wave of fear, nervousness and excitement rushed through her all at once until her head swam.
This is what Emperor Li Ming had taught her to do in the palace. Everything shown in public had to be controlled. Once hidden away, she could feel everything.
She squeezed her eyes shut, but that only made the hard press of Li Tao’s mouth against hers come back to her tenfold. What had she agreed to?
This merging of anger and desire was more dangerous than any threat of violence. His discipline had broken in the parlour and she had been caught up in it, welcoming the danger and demanding more. But she had prevailed. He was going to release her. They’d both have what they wanted. She’d have her freedom, he’d have his precious control.
They had been dancing around each other for weeks. She needed the fear and the temptation to be done with. She wanted Li Tao despite his rebelliousness—wanted him because of it. She was supposed to belong to no one but the Emperor, but Li Tao didn’t care about imperial law. He brought out emotions she thought she’d never experience again. When she was close to him, Suyin longed for him to touch her. When he did touch her, desire overwhelmed her and she was lost. She’d fought against this feeling of powerlessness all her life.
And she loved it now.
Was Li Tao right about her? Had she lived with danger for so long, she craved it?
After tonight she would be free in more ways than one. Her dangerous fascination with Li Tao would end once she was no longer trapped in his house. Even Auntie and Cook’s kindness couldn’t make her forget that Li Tao
One night was all he wanted from her in the end. She should be relieved. When the lust and physical need were cold and done, he would have no reason to keep her. Madame had taught her that.
A strand of hair fell over her eyes and she pushed it back. No wonder they all stared at her so fearfully in her disarray. The sun was starting to sink in the sky. She didn’t have much time left before dark.
She let Auntie take her arm and lead her back up to her room as if she were a doll. The stairs seemed to stretch on endlessly. Her feet fell heavily on each step. The surge of emotion had left her drained.
They returned together to her quarters. Suyin sank into a chair in the sitting room and began working her hair loose from its knot. Auntie rushed to help her, pulling the pins to lower her hair with a gentle, careful hand. The tenderness of it made her throat tighten. Of all of them, she would miss Auntie the most once she was gone, but she couldn’t stay. She had to think of survival. That was her one true talent. Her ability to bend men to her will was only a myth.
‘My lady must know Master Li would never hurt her,’ Auntie said, squeezing her hand.
‘Auntie is too trusting.’
‘Tao will have to seek atonement in the next life, but he would never harm a defenceless woman.’
Suyin stifled a bitter laugh. ‘Defenceless?’
Auntie was blind when it came to Li Tao, but the old woman was mistaken about her as well. She had caused enough harm in her life without ever holding a weapon in her hand. Hadn’t she sent Ru Shan to his death? Li Tao’s eyes had been flat, reflecting nothing as he’d held his sword over the soldier. It was a killing look.
But he hadn’t acted yet.
Auntie disappeared momentarily and returned from the dressing room with a comb. Suyin took it from her hands. ‘Please go check on Ru Shan. Don’t let Governor Li know that I asked.’
Li Tao had accused her of turning his servants against him. She couldn’t bear the thought of what he would do to Auntie and the others if he suspected any more disloyalty.
The old woman nodded and hurried away. The hinges creaked as she closed the doors behind her. As soon as she was alone, Suyin doubled over in her chair, eyes closed, hand pressed against her midsection to steady her breath. A wave of fear, nervousness and excitement rushed through her all at once until her head swam.
This is what Emperor Li Ming had taught her to do in the palace. Everything shown in public had to be controlled. Once hidden away, she could feel everything.
She squeezed her eyes shut, but that only made the hard press of Li Tao’s mouth against hers come back to her tenfold. What had she agreed to?
This merging of anger and desire was more dangerous than any threat of violence. His discipline had broken in the parlour and she had been caught up in it, welcoming the danger and demanding more. But she had prevailed. He was going to release her. They’d both have what they wanted. She’d have her freedom, he’d have his precious control.
They had been dancing around each other for weeks. She needed the fear and the temptation to be done with. She wanted Li Tao despite his rebelliousness—wanted him because of it. She was supposed to belong to no one but the Emperor, but Li Tao didn’t care about imperial law. He brought out emotions she thought she’d never experience again. When she was close to him, Suyin longed for him to touch her. When he did touch her, desire overwhelmed her and she was lost. She’d fought against this feeling of powerlessness all her life.
And she loved it now.
Was Li Tao right about her? Had she lived with danger for so long, she craved it?
After tonight she would be free in more ways than one. Her dangerous fascination with Li Tao would end once she was no longer trapped in his house. Even Auntie and Cook’s kindness couldn’t make her forget that Li Tao
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