in vague allusions to
“keeping us safe” and “fighting for our freedom”).
If you think soldiers and firemen are our real heroes than
ask why so many homeless people are veterans. Ask why firemen
don’t get multi-million dollar endorsement deals. Ask why you’ve
never seen a panel of guys sitting around a table talking about
24 I’m looking at you, Michael fucking Bay.
their favorite fireman or how amazing a certain cop’s takedown
of a particular criminal was.
But there are two factions of people in America these days.
There are those who have heroes and those who have to act as if
they do not. I will write about the latter first and segue into a
discussion of the former from there.
A lot of my friends, whom I consider to be among the
smarter living denizens of shitball #325, say that they have no
heroes. I view this as partly a response to the inanity of what is
considered heroic in modern America and partly a consequence
of the look-up-to-no-one trend started by Kurt Cobain in the early
90’s. Kurt was a reaction to the ridiculously flashy and fake
rockstars dominating the scene at the end of the 80’s—guys
gallivanting around in yellow spandex and purple codpieces,
wailing like banshees about rocking your body and touching your
body and tasting your body and doing a whole assortment of
other unseemly things to your body. With Kurt, the idea of the
rockstar as a God-like figure who was simply better and cooler
than you in every possible way went to its grave. The rockstar was
now just an everyday guy—perhaps with a bit more poetry in his
or her soul, but otherwise indistinguishable from the masses.
Playing a gig in jeans and a T-shirt was now not only okay, it was
expected. Dressing up in flamboyant costumes was now looked
upon as the behavior of a poser.
Since then, those rules have been relaxed to admit more
25 Sometimes referred to as Earth.
theatrical acts like Marilyn Manson and Slipknot into the darker
bowels of the mainstream—but as oft-derided acts taken seriously
only by their hardcore fans and laughed off by most others.
When we look for the ultimate fulfillment of our most
closely held values—we can only ever see them perfectly realized
within the world of fiction. In movies and films and even (for
some of us) books there exists a moral simplicity that is innately
gratifying.
In film, Batman was transformed from a campy crime-
fighter in tights in 1966 to a rich boy out for a good time bullying
criminals in 1989 to a brooding bad ass with an unbreakable will
in 2008. The trend here was towards a more human rendition of
the character. Adam West’s Batman was silly, Michael Keaton’s
was dull and spoiled, Christian Bale’s was complex and believable.
By now some of you are wondering what the hell I’m
rambling about, so I’ll spell it out: our heroes are becoming
people who don’t want to be our heroes. Is there any doubt that
Axl Rose loves nothing more than being loved and adored and
worshipped by whatever remains of his pathetic fan-base? Kurt
Cobain, on the other hand, felt deeply conflicted about the idea of
being a role model. He didn’t really feel up to the task of being
anyone’s hero. Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan crafted a
similar Batman—one who felt unworthy of being a hero and
unsure if he could handle the pressures of being perceived as such.
For this reason, the no-heroes crowd respectfully pretends
to not have heroes. Even if they adore the ever-loving shit out of
someone, they act as though they don’t to spare their heroes a
little bit of the pressure of being heroes. It’s awful considerate of
them really.
The pro-heroes crowd is not so considerate, but their
heroes don’t want them to be. The heroes of pro-heroes people
are typically self-absorbed athletes with more muscles than
brains. It is always fun to watch as these heroes are fed a steady
diet of love from the public for
“keeping us safe” and “fighting for our freedom”).
If you think soldiers and firemen are our real heroes than
ask why so many homeless people are veterans. Ask why firemen
don’t get multi-million dollar endorsement deals. Ask why you’ve
never seen a panel of guys sitting around a table talking about
24 I’m looking at you, Michael fucking Bay.
their favorite fireman or how amazing a certain cop’s takedown
of a particular criminal was.
But there are two factions of people in America these days.
There are those who have heroes and those who have to act as if
they do not. I will write about the latter first and segue into a
discussion of the former from there.
A lot of my friends, whom I consider to be among the
smarter living denizens of shitball #325, say that they have no
heroes. I view this as partly a response to the inanity of what is
considered heroic in modern America and partly a consequence
of the look-up-to-no-one trend started by Kurt Cobain in the early
90’s. Kurt was a reaction to the ridiculously flashy and fake
rockstars dominating the scene at the end of the 80’s—guys
gallivanting around in yellow spandex and purple codpieces,
wailing like banshees about rocking your body and touching your
body and tasting your body and doing a whole assortment of
other unseemly things to your body. With Kurt, the idea of the
rockstar as a God-like figure who was simply better and cooler
than you in every possible way went to its grave. The rockstar was
now just an everyday guy—perhaps with a bit more poetry in his
or her soul, but otherwise indistinguishable from the masses.
Playing a gig in jeans and a T-shirt was now not only okay, it was
expected. Dressing up in flamboyant costumes was now looked
upon as the behavior of a poser.
Since then, those rules have been relaxed to admit more
25 Sometimes referred to as Earth.
theatrical acts like Marilyn Manson and Slipknot into the darker
bowels of the mainstream—but as oft-derided acts taken seriously
only by their hardcore fans and laughed off by most others.
When we look for the ultimate fulfillment of our most
closely held values—we can only ever see them perfectly realized
within the world of fiction. In movies and films and even (for
some of us) books there exists a moral simplicity that is innately
gratifying.
In film, Batman was transformed from a campy crime-
fighter in tights in 1966 to a rich boy out for a good time bullying
criminals in 1989 to a brooding bad ass with an unbreakable will
in 2008. The trend here was towards a more human rendition of
the character. Adam West’s Batman was silly, Michael Keaton’s
was dull and spoiled, Christian Bale’s was complex and believable.
By now some of you are wondering what the hell I’m
rambling about, so I’ll spell it out: our heroes are becoming
people who don’t want to be our heroes. Is there any doubt that
Axl Rose loves nothing more than being loved and adored and
worshipped by whatever remains of his pathetic fan-base? Kurt
Cobain, on the other hand, felt deeply conflicted about the idea of
being a role model. He didn’t really feel up to the task of being
anyone’s hero. Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan crafted a
similar Batman—one who felt unworthy of being a hero and
unsure if he could handle the pressures of being perceived as such.
For this reason, the no-heroes crowd respectfully pretends
to not have heroes. Even if they adore the ever-loving shit out of
someone, they act as though they don’t to spare their heroes a
little bit of the pressure of being heroes. It’s awful considerate of
them really.
The pro-heroes crowd is not so considerate, but their
heroes don’t want them to be. The heroes of pro-heroes people
are typically self-absorbed athletes with more muscles than
brains. It is always fun to watch as these heroes are fed a steady
diet of love from the public for
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