deal?” I look at Scottie. It sort of is a big deal. The negligee sags off her chest and between her legs. “Scottie, get back inside and change into a real swimsuit.”
“Why?”
“Now, Scottie.”
She gives me the finger, the proper way I taught her, and runs back inside.
“Real good job you’re doing,” Alex says.
“I think the bigger deal isn’t Scottie wearing your underwear, or my parenting skills, but finding you inebriated at boarding school, where you’re supposed to be getting your act together.”
“I was just drinking, Dad! I have gotten my act together. I’ve been doing really well, but you guys never even noticed that part. No one has said balls about how I’m doing better and how I was in that stupid play you guys didn’t bother to see. So what if I got drunk on the night you happened to drop in. So what!”
“Calm down,” I say. “Just get ahold of yourself and calm down.”
“Get a clue, Dad,” she says.
“About what?”
“You have no idea about anything. I want to go back to school.”
She lifts her head to the sky to submerge her long brown hair in the water. When she brings her chin back down, her hair is slick and shiny. She sits on the step in the pool and picks termites out of the water and lines them up on the edge. “What’s with the cream all over Scottie?” she asks.
I tell her the story: the urchin, the man-of-wars, Lani Moo.
“That’s insane,” she says.
“You need to help me with her.” I rest my arms on the warm brick patio and let my legs kick out behind me.
She moves off the step and ducks under the water, surfacing with a small diamond-shaped leaf stuck to the side of her hair. I pick it off and place it on the water.
“Maybe I’ll talk to her,” Alex says. She tilts her head to the sun and closes her eyes. “I guess. Whatever. Someone has to.”
“I’d like that. You can’t yell at her anymore, you know. You’re her idol, and you have no reason to yell, even if she’s in your underwear. And what are you doing with that kind of underwear, anyway?”
“Mom gave it to me,” she says. “I don’t even wear it.”
“That’s good,” I say. “Anyway. Be good to her.”
“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. No one was good to me, and I’ve turned out fine. Strong as an ox.” She lifts her arm out of the water and flexes her biceps.
This gesture warms me, then saddens me, because we can’t joke around. Life isn’t funny right now. It may never be. I need to tell her.
Alex turns around and props herself on the edge of the pool, floating her lower body. I think of her postcards. Why did Joanie ever let her model for those?
“Your mother isn’t well, Alex.”
“Obviously,” she says.
“Watch what you say. I don’t want you to say things you might regret, like last night. She isn’t going to wake up. The doctors are going to stop caring for her. Do you understand what I’m saying? We’re giving up.”
She stands still.
“Did you hear what I said? Come here.”
“What? What do you want?”
“Nothing. I was just comforting you.”
“Oh yeah. Yeah, right.”
“Why are you yelling?”
“I need to get out of here!” She brings her hands down onto the water and flinches as it splashes into her face. “Stop it!” she yells. Her face is red and wet.
“Stop what?” I say. “I haven’t even said anything.”
She covers her face with her hands.
“Alex.” I try to bring her toward me, but she pushes me away.
“I don’t get what’s happening,” she says.
“We’re saying goodbye. That’s what’s happening.”
“I can’t.” She takes two quick and loud inhalations, and then her shoulders shake.
“I know,” I say. “We’re going to help each other through this somehow. I don’t know what else to do.”
“What if she comes through?”
“I’m going to ask Dr. Johnston to talk to you. You’ll understand. Mom wanted it this way. She has a will, see, that says we have to do this.”
“This is so
“Why?”
“Now, Scottie.”
She gives me the finger, the proper way I taught her, and runs back inside.
“Real good job you’re doing,” Alex says.
“I think the bigger deal isn’t Scottie wearing your underwear, or my parenting skills, but finding you inebriated at boarding school, where you’re supposed to be getting your act together.”
“I was just drinking, Dad! I have gotten my act together. I’ve been doing really well, but you guys never even noticed that part. No one has said balls about how I’m doing better and how I was in that stupid play you guys didn’t bother to see. So what if I got drunk on the night you happened to drop in. So what!”
“Calm down,” I say. “Just get ahold of yourself and calm down.”
“Get a clue, Dad,” she says.
“About what?”
“You have no idea about anything. I want to go back to school.”
She lifts her head to the sky to submerge her long brown hair in the water. When she brings her chin back down, her hair is slick and shiny. She sits on the step in the pool and picks termites out of the water and lines them up on the edge. “What’s with the cream all over Scottie?” she asks.
I tell her the story: the urchin, the man-of-wars, Lani Moo.
“That’s insane,” she says.
“You need to help me with her.” I rest my arms on the warm brick patio and let my legs kick out behind me.
She moves off the step and ducks under the water, surfacing with a small diamond-shaped leaf stuck to the side of her hair. I pick it off and place it on the water.
“Maybe I’ll talk to her,” Alex says. She tilts her head to the sun and closes her eyes. “I guess. Whatever. Someone has to.”
“I’d like that. You can’t yell at her anymore, you know. You’re her idol, and you have no reason to yell, even if she’s in your underwear. And what are you doing with that kind of underwear, anyway?”
“Mom gave it to me,” she says. “I don’t even wear it.”
“That’s good,” I say. “Anyway. Be good to her.”
“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. No one was good to me, and I’ve turned out fine. Strong as an ox.” She lifts her arm out of the water and flexes her biceps.
This gesture warms me, then saddens me, because we can’t joke around. Life isn’t funny right now. It may never be. I need to tell her.
Alex turns around and props herself on the edge of the pool, floating her lower body. I think of her postcards. Why did Joanie ever let her model for those?
“Your mother isn’t well, Alex.”
“Obviously,” she says.
“Watch what you say. I don’t want you to say things you might regret, like last night. She isn’t going to wake up. The doctors are going to stop caring for her. Do you understand what I’m saying? We’re giving up.”
She stands still.
“Did you hear what I said? Come here.”
“What? What do you want?”
“Nothing. I was just comforting you.”
“Oh yeah. Yeah, right.”
“Why are you yelling?”
“I need to get out of here!” She brings her hands down onto the water and flinches as it splashes into her face. “Stop it!” she yells. Her face is red and wet.
“Stop what?” I say. “I haven’t even said anything.”
She covers her face with her hands.
“Alex.” I try to bring her toward me, but she pushes me away.
“I don’t get what’s happening,” she says.
“We’re saying goodbye. That’s what’s happening.”
“I can’t.” She takes two quick and loud inhalations, and then her shoulders shake.
“I know,” I say. “We’re going to help each other through this somehow. I don’t know what else to do.”
“What if she comes through?”
“I’m going to ask Dr. Johnston to talk to you. You’ll understand. Mom wanted it this way. She has a will, see, that says we have to do this.”
“This is so
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