The Dark Side of Disney by Leonard Kinsey

Snoogins!” Not sure why I think the clientele there would act like that, but since the owners wouldn’t fucking get back to me for an interview, I’ve decided to make gross generalizations based on my out-of-control imagination.
     
     
    The Last Resort: (no, not the long-awaited Art of Animation Resort):
     
    Ugh, it’s come to this. After days of staring at Snow White, Cinderella, and/or Captain Jack, you are very, very, very horny. You’ve had no luck with disboards.com, Atlantic Dance Hall has been a predictable bust, and the language barrier with the Norway cast members was insurmountable. So you’ve decided to hire an escort.
    For what it’s worth, the escorts in the Orlando area are more attractive than average, and also charge much less than average, around $100 per hour as of this writing. This might be the only time on your WDW vacation where you’re actually getting a bargain! And for a little extra, you might even be able to get them to dress up in that Prince Charming or Cinderella getup (or that Robin Hood furry costume if that’s your thing) that you packed for just this very occasion.
    It goes without saying, but you should do your research here. You don’t want to be on the wrong end of this sort of business deal. Having the cops bust in on you at The Grand Floridian would be oh so gauche, and the height of bad manners. So it’s highly recommended that you visit http://www.theeroticreview.com for reviews and pictures of the local escorts. Note that many of them only do incalls, so you’ll need a taxi or rental car. Some do outcalls, but they cost more, although I would argue that it’s worth the cost since you’ve already paid for the comforts of a WDW resort. And seriously, doing it in a crappy apartment or Super-8 would totally kill the magic.
     
     

DRUGS
     
    Where to Score?:
     
    Marijuana, Ecstasy, psychedelics and WDW are a wonderful combination. The blacklight neon frenzy of Buzz Lightyear (I mean, c’mon, the fucking ride has the word “Buzz” in it!), the tranquil sights, sounds, and smells of Soarin’, and the base humor of “Muppet Vision: 3D” all have the potential to be more fun when high on the right drug. And the message of peace, love, and harmony in “It’s a Small World” is much more profound while stoned, assuming the music doesn’t send you into a paranoid attack.
    Used to be you could hold a stash of whatever in the crotch of your pants or elsewhere on your body when getting on a plane, but with the advent of the new full-body scanners that penetrate clothing, that’s no longer possible. Anyone who gets on a plane holding illegal drugs is asking for a Federal felony offense for interstate drug trafficking, and that would be a lousy way to start a vacation.
    So if you can’t take it with you, you have to buy it there, and thus the question becomes: how does one score drugs at WDW?
     
    Cast Members:
     
    Aside from booze, which can be found in abundance anywhere in WDW aside from The Magic Kingdom, it appears that drugs are severely frowned upon onsite for anyone whose name isn’t “Dopey”. The website for the College Program states:
     
    Disney has a zero-tolerance policy for drug use on Disney property, and this includes The Commons and Vista Way. Get caught using, selling, or possessing and you are terminated and sent home, and possibly arrested. Commons security will inspect apartments randomly and has the right to terminate anyone who is caught with drugs in their apartment - and even their roommates! The Company does not have a testing policy, but naturally reserves the right to do so.
     
    Reading between the lines, what this means is that there is no initial drug testing done in order to be admitted to the CP, but if you’re caught with it while you’re there, you’re immediately fired. I’ve confirmed this with several former CP alums, who also told me that it’s fairly common for CP CMs to solve rivalries by reporting their enemies to the