were trying to tell them it was Jeanieâs dad and they didnât get it?â
âNo, Zo,â I explain. âI repeated myself two hundred and fifty-five times. There was no mistaking what I said.â
âYouâre killing me with suspense,â Zoey says, distracted. I can tell sheâs probably giving herself a pedi by how disinterested she sounds. âDrumroll . . . what were you saying?â
I take another deep breath and swallow. âI was saying, âIf you hunt for monsters, youâll find them.âââ
A loud clatter on the other end of the call. Plastic against tile. Zoey curses and then fumbles with the phone. She shouts, âYouâve got to be fucking kidding me, right? What the hell, Stella? If this is a joke, youâre a real twisted psycho-slut and you just made me smear nail polish all over my new jeans.â
âThis isnât the kind of thing Iâd joke about. Two hundred and fifty-five times , Zo. Shane counted.â
âOMIGOD . . . I mean, what does that mean? Why was six-year-old you talking about monsters?â She sounds so concerned that for a moment I let myself believe sheâll only be supportive and that it wonât matter that I kept it from her. âWait a tamponâs bloody second.How long have you known? I mean, you donât remember anything from that day, so how do you know what you said?â
I close my eyes. âI asked Shane to let me see the case file last September. I donât know why or what I was looking for. My dad was never going to tell me . . . .â
A long pause. âSo youâve known for nine months and you didnât tell me ?â her voice is quiet, laced with venom.
âI didnât tell anyone,â I rush to explain.
âAnyone? What the hell, Stella? Iâm your best friend. Iâm not just anyone. Weâre supposed to tell each other everything, and instead youâre keeping something this juicy from me for nine effing months? I told you when I went down on Patrick Hoser. Stinky effing Patrick Hoser! I tell you my most mortifying secrets.â
But all I hear is Zoey calling my deepest, darkest secret âjuicy.â Of course she would see this detail as tantalizing. Of course sheâd be livid with me. How could I have been such a fool as to think she wouldnât be? âIt just kind of freaked me out, and I didnât know what I thought about it. It blindsided me. How could I tell you? You would have made up your mind about what it meant instantly. You would have told me how to feel about it. Maybe I just wanted to figure things out on my own for once?â Tears pour down my face. Is that really why I didnât tell her? It rings partially true, but not completely.
âPlease, Zo, donât be mad. Iâm telling you now and I need your help. Iâm desperate for your help.â I hiccup out the last word.
I imagine Zoey sitting rigid on her bathroom floor, seething at the betrayal. âYeah, whatevs. My momâs calling me for dinner, so Iâve got to go.âBefore I can beg her to stay on the line, sheâs gone. Only silence left.
I stare moon-eyed at my phone. Zoey has never hung up on me before. Shouted, berated, cussed, screamed, pulled my hair, and even thrown food at me, sure. But never once has she just fallen silent and refused to fight. Is it really so unforgivable that I kept something that scary to myself? Canât she fathom that I might have been frightened to tell her? That I might have been worried what sheâd think?
âShit,â I hiss, glaring at the ratty and worn stuffed bunny that rests on my pillow. Now whoâs going to help me remember Jeanie? Obviously Daniel could, but do I want to be alone with him? I doubt heâd be willing anyway. Heâs so freaking certain that I know more than Iâm letting on. I mentally run through the list of those close
Mary Renault
Robert Frezza
Tom Butler-Bowdon
TIMOTHY NEILSON
Catherine Hapka
Lisa T. Bergren
Michael Innes
Cheryl Wolverton
Karen Wood
Maryann Jordan