beauty as though she were a sunset. But that he felt her beauty. That he wanted to touch it. Possess it.
It was such a strange, sharp ache. A longing that went deep. Something he was sure he must have felt before, but it seemed lost. In a different part of his life. Maybe in a different man. A different man than he’d become.
“What are you playing?”
She startled, her head popping up, her eyes wide. She pulled her headphones off.
“I thought you were asleep,” she said, hand on her chest.
“No. Sorry.”
“So you were just…skulking. In the shadows.”
“I’m lying on the couch, I’m hardly skulking.”
“Lurker.”
He laughed. Strange how she made him laugh. Normally he chose to laugh, just like he chose to smile. It wasn’t involuntary.It wasn’t spontaneous or heartfelt. But she actually pulled something from him. A reaction.
One he couldn’t control, which made him slightly concerned. Resentful, even. That this woman, who was so much a girl in many ways, had this power over him. And yet, something in him also wanted to tempt it. To take it to the edge and see what happened. It was tempting. So very tempting.
How long since anything had excited him? Since anything had made him feel heat beneath his skin.
He was tired of being cold.
And that was his very sad reality. That no matter how warm and opulent his surroundings, he never warmed up inside.
“Guilty,” he said. “I was just admiring your choice of attire.”
“You won’t even believe what Thad packed for me.”
“Your assistant?”
“Yes. He had, well, he had sexy times on his mind so he packed me some…uh…well, not my sweats. But the gift shop accommodated me.”
“I like the sweats,” he said.
Lace, silk, would not have been as compelling. Because right now, Julia was a woman as he had never seen one. Clean, bare in so many ways. Her armor reduced to nothing.
How easy it would be now, to say the right words. To go from the couch to her bed. A kiss that would turn into two kisses. Which would turn into more. He could touch her softness, feed on her heat.
A shudder went through his body. He
wanted
it. Wanted her. Wanted her body.
The realization of what he was planning, of what he was allowing himself to want, stopped him cold.
Someday, yes, he would take a lover. He had left it far toolong. But it wouldn’t be this woman. Not now. He would not under these circumstances.
He could see it in his head.
Your body in exchange for your company. I let Anfalas live without ever tasting interference from me. All I need in return is you. At my command. For my pleasure
.
He could do that. Stop all the digging he’d been doing in her company, stop looking for weaknesses to exploit. Offer her payment. And claim her body as his reward.
And he would have become the very thing he hated. Trading favors. Taking advantage.
No. He would not allow it. He would not give himself the pleasure. Would not put himself through the hell.
He had very little soul left. It cost to get where he was. And what remained was scarred beyond repair. But he would not surrender the rest.
His body throbbed with heat, tormented him with a taste of what could be.
No. Passion was the road to destruction. It was only through control that he would ever find satisfaction. That he would ever be able to find some sort of answer, some sort of peace, for the torment inside him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
J ULIA WOKE UP groggy and twitchy. Room sharing with Ferro was proving to be extremely problematic. First off, the man slept in his underwear. Which she hadn’t noticed when he’d gone to sleep on the couch, he’d laid down before she had, and had been covered with a blanket.
But then, he’d gotten up before her and the sound of him getting out of bed had woken her up, and she’d opened her eyes just in time to see him, his bare, muscular back and his butt, oh, dear heaven, his butt, in nothing but a pair of stretchy black briefs that hugged the contours of his
It was such a strange, sharp ache. A longing that went deep. Something he was sure he must have felt before, but it seemed lost. In a different part of his life. Maybe in a different man. A different man than he’d become.
“What are you playing?”
She startled, her head popping up, her eyes wide. She pulled her headphones off.
“I thought you were asleep,” she said, hand on her chest.
“No. Sorry.”
“So you were just…skulking. In the shadows.”
“I’m lying on the couch, I’m hardly skulking.”
“Lurker.”
He laughed. Strange how she made him laugh. Normally he chose to laugh, just like he chose to smile. It wasn’t involuntary.It wasn’t spontaneous or heartfelt. But she actually pulled something from him. A reaction.
One he couldn’t control, which made him slightly concerned. Resentful, even. That this woman, who was so much a girl in many ways, had this power over him. And yet, something in him also wanted to tempt it. To take it to the edge and see what happened. It was tempting. So very tempting.
How long since anything had excited him? Since anything had made him feel heat beneath his skin.
He was tired of being cold.
And that was his very sad reality. That no matter how warm and opulent his surroundings, he never warmed up inside.
“Guilty,” he said. “I was just admiring your choice of attire.”
“You won’t even believe what Thad packed for me.”
“Your assistant?”
“Yes. He had, well, he had sexy times on his mind so he packed me some…uh…well, not my sweats. But the gift shop accommodated me.”
“I like the sweats,” he said.
Lace, silk, would not have been as compelling. Because right now, Julia was a woman as he had never seen one. Clean, bare in so many ways. Her armor reduced to nothing.
How easy it would be now, to say the right words. To go from the couch to her bed. A kiss that would turn into two kisses. Which would turn into more. He could touch her softness, feed on her heat.
A shudder went through his body. He
wanted
it. Wanted her. Wanted her body.
The realization of what he was planning, of what he was allowing himself to want, stopped him cold.
Someday, yes, he would take a lover. He had left it far toolong. But it wouldn’t be this woman. Not now. He would not under these circumstances.
He could see it in his head.
Your body in exchange for your company. I let Anfalas live without ever tasting interference from me. All I need in return is you. At my command. For my pleasure
.
He could do that. Stop all the digging he’d been doing in her company, stop looking for weaknesses to exploit. Offer her payment. And claim her body as his reward.
And he would have become the very thing he hated. Trading favors. Taking advantage.
No. He would not allow it. He would not give himself the pleasure. Would not put himself through the hell.
He had very little soul left. It cost to get where he was. And what remained was scarred beyond repair. But he would not surrender the rest.
His body throbbed with heat, tormented him with a taste of what could be.
No. Passion was the road to destruction. It was only through control that he would ever find satisfaction. That he would ever be able to find some sort of answer, some sort of peace, for the torment inside him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
J ULIA WOKE UP groggy and twitchy. Room sharing with Ferro was proving to be extremely problematic. First off, the man slept in his underwear. Which she hadn’t noticed when he’d gone to sleep on the couch, he’d laid down before she had, and had been covered with a blanket.
But then, he’d gotten up before her and the sound of him getting out of bed had woken her up, and she’d opened her eyes just in time to see him, his bare, muscular back and his butt, oh, dear heaven, his butt, in nothing but a pair of stretchy black briefs that hugged the contours of his
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