it’s always the same thing. Yes, it’s like the funny
story we have heard too often, we still find it funny, but we don’t laugh any more.
[ Pause. ]Have you anything else to say to me?
NAGG: No.
NELL: Are you quite sure? [ Pause. ]Then I’ll leave you.
NAGG: Do you not want your biscuit? [ Pause. ]I’ll keep it for you. [ Pause. ]I thought you were going to leave me.
NELL: I am going to leave you.
NAGG: Could you give me a scratch before you go?
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]Where?
NAGG: In the back.
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]Rub yourself against the rim.
NAGG: It’s lower down. In the hollow.
NELL: What hollow?
NAGG: The hollow! [ Pause. ]Could you not? [ Pause. ] Yesterday you scratched me there.
NELL: [ Elegiac ]Ah yesterday!
NAGG: Could you not? [ Pause. ]Would you like me to scratch you? [ Pause. ]Are you crying again?
NELL: I was trying.
[ Pause. ]
HAMM: Perhaps it’s a little vein.
[ Pause. ]
NAGG: What was that he said?
NELL: Perhaps it’s a little vein.
NAGG: What does that mean? [ Pause. ]That means nothing. [ Pause. ]Will I tell you the story of the tailor?
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]What for?
NAGG: To cheer you up.
NELL: It’s not funny.
NAGG: It always made you laugh. [ Pause. ]The first time I thought you’d die.
NELL: It was on Lake Como. [ Pause. ]One April afternoon. [ Pause. ]Can you believe it?
NAGG: What?
NELL: That we once went out rowing on Lake Como. [ Pause. ] One April afternoon.
NAGG: We had got engaged the day before.
NELL: Engaged!
NAGG: You were in such fits that we capsized. By rights we should have been drowned.
NELL: It was because I felt happy.
NAGG: [ Indignant. ]It was not, it was not, it was my story and nothing else. Happy! Don’t you laugh
at it still? Every time I tell it. Happy!
NELL: It was deep, deep. And you could see down to the bottom. So white. So clean.
NAGG: Let me tell it again. [ Raconteur’s voice. ] An Englishman, needing a pair of striped trousers in a hurry for the New Year festivities,
goes to his tailor who takes his measurements. [ Tailor’s voice. ]‘That’s the lot, come back in four days, I’ll have it ready.’ Good. Four days later.
[ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘So sorry, come back in a week, I’ve made a mess of the seat.’ Good, that’s all
right, a neat seat can be very ticklish. A week later. [ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘Frightfully sorry, come back in ten days, I’ve made a hash of the crutch.’ Good,
can’t be helped, a snug crutch is always a teaser. Ten days later. [ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘Dreadfully sorry, come back in a fortnight, I’ve made a balls of the fly.’ Good,
at a pinch, a smart fly is a stiff proposition. [ Pause. Normal voice ]I never told it worse. [ Pause. Gloomy .]I tell this story worse and worse. [ Pause. Raconteur’s voice. ]Well, to make it short, the bluebells are blowing and he ballockses the buttonholes.
[ Customer’s voice. ]‘God damn you to hell, Sir, no, it’s indecent, there are limits! In six days, do
you hear me, six days, God madethe world. Yes Sir, no less Sir, the WORLD! And you are not bloody well capable of
making me a pair of trousers in three months!’ [ Tailor’s voice, scandalized. ]‘But my dear Sir, my dear Sir, look – [ disdainful gesture, disgustedly ] – at the world – [ pause ]– and look – [ loving gesture, proudly ] – at my TROUSERS!’
[ Pause. He looks at NELL who has remained impassive, her eyes unseeing, breaks into a high forced laugh, cuts it short, pokes his head towards NELL , launches his laugh again. ]
HAMM: Silence!
[ NAGG starts, cuts short his laugh. ]
NELL: You could see down to the bottom.
HAMM: [ Exasperated. ]Have you not finished? Will you never finish? [ With sudden fury. ]Will this never finish? [ NAGG disappears into his bin, closes the lid behind him. NELL does not move. Frenziedly. ] My kingdom for a nightman! [ He whistles. Enter CLOV .] Clear away this muck! Chuck it in the sea! [ CLOV goes to bins, halts.
story we have heard too often, we still find it funny, but we don’t laugh any more.
[ Pause. ]Have you anything else to say to me?
NAGG: No.
NELL: Are you quite sure? [ Pause. ]Then I’ll leave you.
NAGG: Do you not want your biscuit? [ Pause. ]I’ll keep it for you. [ Pause. ]I thought you were going to leave me.
NELL: I am going to leave you.
NAGG: Could you give me a scratch before you go?
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]Where?
NAGG: In the back.
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]Rub yourself against the rim.
NAGG: It’s lower down. In the hollow.
NELL: What hollow?
NAGG: The hollow! [ Pause. ]Could you not? [ Pause. ] Yesterday you scratched me there.
NELL: [ Elegiac ]Ah yesterday!
NAGG: Could you not? [ Pause. ]Would you like me to scratch you? [ Pause. ]Are you crying again?
NELL: I was trying.
[ Pause. ]
HAMM: Perhaps it’s a little vein.
[ Pause. ]
NAGG: What was that he said?
NELL: Perhaps it’s a little vein.
NAGG: What does that mean? [ Pause. ]That means nothing. [ Pause. ]Will I tell you the story of the tailor?
NELL: No. [ Pause. ]What for?
NAGG: To cheer you up.
NELL: It’s not funny.
NAGG: It always made you laugh. [ Pause. ]The first time I thought you’d die.
NELL: It was on Lake Como. [ Pause. ]One April afternoon. [ Pause. ]Can you believe it?
NAGG: What?
NELL: That we once went out rowing on Lake Como. [ Pause. ] One April afternoon.
NAGG: We had got engaged the day before.
NELL: Engaged!
NAGG: You were in such fits that we capsized. By rights we should have been drowned.
NELL: It was because I felt happy.
NAGG: [ Indignant. ]It was not, it was not, it was my story and nothing else. Happy! Don’t you laugh
at it still? Every time I tell it. Happy!
NELL: It was deep, deep. And you could see down to the bottom. So white. So clean.
NAGG: Let me tell it again. [ Raconteur’s voice. ] An Englishman, needing a pair of striped trousers in a hurry for the New Year festivities,
goes to his tailor who takes his measurements. [ Tailor’s voice. ]‘That’s the lot, come back in four days, I’ll have it ready.’ Good. Four days later.
[ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘So sorry, come back in a week, I’ve made a mess of the seat.’ Good, that’s all
right, a neat seat can be very ticklish. A week later. [ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘Frightfully sorry, come back in ten days, I’ve made a hash of the crutch.’ Good,
can’t be helped, a snug crutch is always a teaser. Ten days later. [ Tailor’s voice. ] ‘Dreadfully sorry, come back in a fortnight, I’ve made a balls of the fly.’ Good,
at a pinch, a smart fly is a stiff proposition. [ Pause. Normal voice ]I never told it worse. [ Pause. Gloomy .]I tell this story worse and worse. [ Pause. Raconteur’s voice. ]Well, to make it short, the bluebells are blowing and he ballockses the buttonholes.
[ Customer’s voice. ]‘God damn you to hell, Sir, no, it’s indecent, there are limits! In six days, do
you hear me, six days, God madethe world. Yes Sir, no less Sir, the WORLD! And you are not bloody well capable of
making me a pair of trousers in three months!’ [ Tailor’s voice, scandalized. ]‘But my dear Sir, my dear Sir, look – [ disdainful gesture, disgustedly ] – at the world – [ pause ]– and look – [ loving gesture, proudly ] – at my TROUSERS!’
[ Pause. He looks at NELL who has remained impassive, her eyes unseeing, breaks into a high forced laugh, cuts it short, pokes his head towards NELL , launches his laugh again. ]
HAMM: Silence!
[ NAGG starts, cuts short his laugh. ]
NELL: You could see down to the bottom.
HAMM: [ Exasperated. ]Have you not finished? Will you never finish? [ With sudden fury. ]Will this never finish? [ NAGG disappears into his bin, closes the lid behind him. NELL does not move. Frenziedly. ] My kingdom for a nightman! [ He whistles. Enter CLOV .] Clear away this muck! Chuck it in the sea! [ CLOV goes to bins, halts.
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