fish. I heard Madame enquiring after the health of his wife and daughters. Respectability held together with string."
"I must get away."
"You are wondering what they will do?"
"I suppose I am. The way they cling to me, at least she does, motherly love I suppose. It is not so simple. I had better think it over."
"Nothing is simple."
"You have not shaved or washed for four days and you will go about with that horrible coat and cap, it has become your second skin, Marius."
"I must really straighten myself up, some terrible lethargy has got hold of me, I seem to have no will, except to hide away when I am not cringing before somebody."
"You are perhaps a little crazy. For instance you think because you have sunk two ships somebody will just come along and give you complete liberty to sink another one. You may be proud, you may at times have taken leave of your senses, but you are not stupid, surely you are not stupid?"
"God! The terrible position I am in. I am afraid to tell myself what."
"The hell of it is they don't even know."
"The hell of it is they may have to."
Marius rolled over on his back. Through a slit in the curtain he caught a pencil line of sky, a swift vision of blue, the sea, it was always there. He saw it with a lazy, indifferent eye.
"Consider certain things. They are broken. They have sold up and left their home, which was once your home, you have broken the roots of something you never really understood. They are here, below there. They have followed where you went. Blood is blood anywhere on earth."
"I have been here nearly four months, each day like a ladder, climbing, somewhere there is a rung missing, there always is. I cannot even find a berth here. And now I will ship away as anything, I have made up my mind. There is one thing of which I can never be sure. Who saw? Who is dead and who is alive? The timbers are rotting but there is always more timber. There are yet ships upon the sea."
"You know perfectly well that if you could once see Follet things might look different. He is only formidable because not seen. He is an intelligent man, a man of character, but one has to get past his little henchman. If one knew where Follet lived. You would go. You would beg for a berth. You would begin at the very bottom. Work upwards."
"I am perhaps telling myself a fairy-tale."
"You are talking for the sake of talking, Marius has been talking to Marius for some weeks now, like a parrot."
"I cannot remain here any longer."
"I should think not. Get this into your thick head at once, that if once you were a commander, you are not so now, and never will be again. The only ship whose bridge you will stride is a fairy ship and she sails in a fairy sea. Though you hug your misery you also hug your infernal illusion."
"Christ! I must get up and go out."
He sat up, stretching his legs, he swung round and out of the bed.
He sat on its edge, his head between his hands.
There came to his ears a shout, a single word. "Nine."
It seemed to strike on the door like a hammer, it made Marius jump.
Then the front door banged. The house was silent again.
"Nine."
Which meant "it is nine o'clock and there is food on the table."
He stood up, shivered a little, then crossed to the door in his shirt. He opened it, and from the top of the stairs called, "all right."
But there was only the silence. He came into the room again, shut the door violently, went to the chair to get his clothes. There were no clothes.
"Am I still drunk, where the hell are my clothes?"
He searched frantically around the room, he tossed the bed-clothes this way and that, finally flung them in a great heap on the floor, he rushed to the only cupboard, this was empty.
"I must be drunk. I undressed here. Somebody has stolen my clothes."
He stood by the window, bewildered, what on earth had happened? Then he sat down on the disordered bed and stared round the room.
No mistake at all. This was his own room. It certainly was not Lucy's. He went
"I must get away."
"You are wondering what they will do?"
"I suppose I am. The way they cling to me, at least she does, motherly love I suppose. It is not so simple. I had better think it over."
"Nothing is simple."
"You have not shaved or washed for four days and you will go about with that horrible coat and cap, it has become your second skin, Marius."
"I must really straighten myself up, some terrible lethargy has got hold of me, I seem to have no will, except to hide away when I am not cringing before somebody."
"You are perhaps a little crazy. For instance you think because you have sunk two ships somebody will just come along and give you complete liberty to sink another one. You may be proud, you may at times have taken leave of your senses, but you are not stupid, surely you are not stupid?"
"God! The terrible position I am in. I am afraid to tell myself what."
"The hell of it is they don't even know."
"The hell of it is they may have to."
Marius rolled over on his back. Through a slit in the curtain he caught a pencil line of sky, a swift vision of blue, the sea, it was always there. He saw it with a lazy, indifferent eye.
"Consider certain things. They are broken. They have sold up and left their home, which was once your home, you have broken the roots of something you never really understood. They are here, below there. They have followed where you went. Blood is blood anywhere on earth."
"I have been here nearly four months, each day like a ladder, climbing, somewhere there is a rung missing, there always is. I cannot even find a berth here. And now I will ship away as anything, I have made up my mind. There is one thing of which I can never be sure. Who saw? Who is dead and who is alive? The timbers are rotting but there is always more timber. There are yet ships upon the sea."
"You know perfectly well that if you could once see Follet things might look different. He is only formidable because not seen. He is an intelligent man, a man of character, but one has to get past his little henchman. If one knew where Follet lived. You would go. You would beg for a berth. You would begin at the very bottom. Work upwards."
"I am perhaps telling myself a fairy-tale."
"You are talking for the sake of talking, Marius has been talking to Marius for some weeks now, like a parrot."
"I cannot remain here any longer."
"I should think not. Get this into your thick head at once, that if once you were a commander, you are not so now, and never will be again. The only ship whose bridge you will stride is a fairy ship and she sails in a fairy sea. Though you hug your misery you also hug your infernal illusion."
"Christ! I must get up and go out."
He sat up, stretching his legs, he swung round and out of the bed.
He sat on its edge, his head between his hands.
There came to his ears a shout, a single word. "Nine."
It seemed to strike on the door like a hammer, it made Marius jump.
Then the front door banged. The house was silent again.
"Nine."
Which meant "it is nine o'clock and there is food on the table."
He stood up, shivered a little, then crossed to the door in his shirt. He opened it, and from the top of the stairs called, "all right."
But there was only the silence. He came into the room again, shut the door violently, went to the chair to get his clothes. There were no clothes.
"Am I still drunk, where the hell are my clothes?"
He searched frantically around the room, he tossed the bed-clothes this way and that, finally flung them in a great heap on the floor, he rushed to the only cupboard, this was empty.
"I must be drunk. I undressed here. Somebody has stolen my clothes."
He stood by the window, bewildered, what on earth had happened? Then he sat down on the disordered bed and stared round the room.
No mistake at all. This was his own room. It certainly was not Lucy's. He went
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