The Cereal Murders by Diane Mott Davidson
Authors: Diane Mott Davidson
Tags: Fiction, General, Suspense, Romance, Mystery & Detective, Women Sleuths, Cooking, Large Type Books, Colorado, Caterers and Catering, Cookery, Bear; Goldy (Fictitious Character), Women in the Food Industry
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the listeners, but I missed the joke. Miss Ferrell demanded of Macguire, "Did you write to Indiana? I asked you to have it ready by today, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah," he said under his breath. "I would like you to share it with us, please."
"Oh, shit."
"Macguire, let's go."
Macguire grumbled and slapped through an untidy folder until he found some papers.
"Up here, please," commanded Miss Ferrell. "Now, everyone, quiet, please. As I've said numerous times, honesty and creativity are what we value in these essays. Parents" - she nodded meaningfully at the tense adults in the back of the room -"would do well to remember that."
Macguire groaned again. Then he unfolded his long body from his desk and slouched to the front of the class, where he towered over the diminutive Miss Ferrell. The holes in his tight jeans showed muscled flesh. His oversize shirttails hung from beneath his sweatshirt. He gave a self-deprecating grin and blushed beneath his acne. It was painful.
Miss Ferrell warned, "If there is any disturbance during Macguire's presentation, the offender will be excused."
Macguire gave a beseeching look to the class. Then, reluctantly, he lifted several crumpled pages and started reading.
"'I want to go to Indiana University because their basketball team needs me. I have always been a fan. I mean, you'd never catch me yelling at the TV during the NCAA finals, "Hoosier mother? Hoosier father?"
Someone snickered. Macguire cleared his throat and continued.
" 'I'm using my essay to apologize for the way I acted when I came for my campus visit. And also to set the record straight.
" 'It started off because some of my basketball team- mates from last year's senior class are at I.U., and they all pledged SAE. And also, I didn't get along with my campus host. I mean, in the real world we wouldn't have been friends, so why pretend? I'm just trying to explain how everything went so wrong, for which I am sincerely sorry.
" 'After my campus host and I parted company - I did not ditch him, as he claimed - I went over to SAE to see the guys. They were having a keg party and invited me to join in. I didn't want to be rude and I did sort of feel bad about the campus-host situation. So I thought, well, this time I would be polite.' "
The laughter grew louder. Macguire looked up. To Miss Ferrell, he said in a low voice, "I know you jus said one page for the essay, but this is a long story. I had to add extra sheets."
"Just read," ordered Miss Ferrell. She gave the giggling mass of students a furious look. They fell silent.
" 'So anyway,' " Macguire resumed with a twitch of his lanky body, " 'there we were, and I was being polite and a good guest. Yes, I know I am underage, but as I said, I was trying to be polite. Now, after I was polite for all those hours, of course I couldn't find my way back to the dorm, because you've built all those buildings out of Indiana limestone, and to be perfectly honest, they all look alike. While I was lost I was real sorry I had dumped my campus host.
" 'I did finally find the dorm, and I am truly sorry for the guy on the first floor whose window I had to knock on so he could let me in. He was mad at me, but it wasn't that cold out, I mean I'd just been lost out there for over an hour, and I wasn't cold. So why should he have minded so much to come outside in his underwear? And why would you lock up the dorms on a Friday night, anyway? You must know people are going to stay out late partying.' "
I looked around. All the senior parents looked somewhat shellshocked. Macguire plunged on. " 'I don't want to be, like, too graphic, but my college counselor is always telling us to write an honest essay. So to be perfectly honest, after I passed out for a couple of hours I woke up and had to puke. It was an overwhelming urge brought on by all that time I was being a good guest
"Yeah, yeah," he said under his breath. "I would like you to share it with us, please."
"Oh, shit."
"Macguire, let's go."
Macguire grumbled and slapped through an untidy folder until he found some papers.
"Up here, please," commanded Miss Ferrell. "Now, everyone, quiet, please. As I've said numerous times, honesty and creativity are what we value in these essays. Parents" - she nodded meaningfully at the tense adults in the back of the room -"would do well to remember that."
Macguire groaned again. Then he unfolded his long body from his desk and slouched to the front of the class, where he towered over the diminutive Miss Ferrell. The holes in his tight jeans showed muscled flesh. His oversize shirttails hung from beneath his sweatshirt. He gave a self-deprecating grin and blushed beneath his acne. It was painful.
Miss Ferrell warned, "If there is any disturbance during Macguire's presentation, the offender will be excused."
Macguire gave a beseeching look to the class. Then, reluctantly, he lifted several crumpled pages and started reading.
"'I want to go to Indiana University because their basketball team needs me. I have always been a fan. I mean, you'd never catch me yelling at the TV during the NCAA finals, "Hoosier mother? Hoosier father?"
Someone snickered. Macguire cleared his throat and continued.
" 'I'm using my essay to apologize for the way I acted when I came for my campus visit. And also to set the record straight.
" 'It started off because some of my basketball team- mates from last year's senior class are at I.U., and they all pledged SAE. And also, I didn't get along with my campus host. I mean, in the real world we wouldn't have been friends, so why pretend? I'm just trying to explain how everything went so wrong, for which I am sincerely sorry.
" 'After my campus host and I parted company - I did not ditch him, as he claimed - I went over to SAE to see the guys. They were having a keg party and invited me to join in. I didn't want to be rude and I did sort of feel bad about the campus-host situation. So I thought, well, this time I would be polite.' "
The laughter grew louder. Macguire looked up. To Miss Ferrell, he said in a low voice, "I know you jus said one page for the essay, but this is a long story. I had to add extra sheets."
"Just read," ordered Miss Ferrell. She gave the giggling mass of students a furious look. They fell silent.
" 'So anyway,' " Macguire resumed with a twitch of his lanky body, " 'there we were, and I was being polite and a good guest. Yes, I know I am underage, but as I said, I was trying to be polite. Now, after I was polite for all those hours, of course I couldn't find my way back to the dorm, because you've built all those buildings out of Indiana limestone, and to be perfectly honest, they all look alike. While I was lost I was real sorry I had dumped my campus host.
" 'I did finally find the dorm, and I am truly sorry for the guy on the first floor whose window I had to knock on so he could let me in. He was mad at me, but it wasn't that cold out, I mean I'd just been lost out there for over an hour, and I wasn't cold. So why should he have minded so much to come outside in his underwear? And why would you lock up the dorms on a Friday night, anyway? You must know people are going to stay out late partying.' "
I looked around. All the senior parents looked somewhat shellshocked. Macguire plunged on. " 'I don't want to be, like, too graphic, but my college counselor is always telling us to write an honest essay. So to be perfectly honest, after I passed out for a couple of hours I woke up and had to puke. It was an overwhelming urge brought on by all that time I was being a good guest
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