crushing pressure was back in his chest, squeezing out all his breath. “No. I’m serious.”
Her shoulder nudged him sharply. “Did you and Blake make some sort of pact?”
“No,” he said immediately. “I only want to honor Kim. If she thought Blake was the best match for you, I’m going to do my part to help you reclaim that relationship. I didn’t…before. I was going through my own crap and trying to be both father and mother to Danny.”
His throat thickened. Most days, he didn’t think he was doing very well with the mother part. How could a man hope to assume that role too? But Danny seemed to be thriving, thank God, and he knew Kim was being their son’s angel in her own way.
He thanked God for that too.
“So, you think I should just up and take Blake back?” she said with steel in her voice.
Choosing his words carefully, he put his arm tentatively around her shoulder. “No, I think you need to give him a chance to remind you why you fell in love with him in the first place.”
“And talk about what happened,” she added, not leaning her head against his shoulder like she normally would.
“The talking part will happen, but first you need to let him back in. You said you’ve agreed to be friends again. God knows, he needs one after losing Adam and leaving football. Why not start there?”
“And you’ll go on a date if I do this?” she asked, and he could hear the challenge in her voice.
“I agree to be open to finding a woman I want to date. When I find her, I’ll ask her.” He knew he had to be clear about his intentions. Just going out with someone wasn’t what he wanted. Okay, he really didn’t want to find anyone, if he were being honest, but reading Kim’s letter again had helped confirm what he already knew somewhere inside. It was time to push his boundaries and try to be open to new experiences.
“Blake won’t be content to be only my friend,” she said. “He never was.”
“That part is up to you,” he told her, dropping his arm from her shoulder. “All we want is for you to be happy.”
“Then why won’t you guys leave me alone?”
“Because you’re not really happy. You’re letting life pass you by.”
“You’re not happy either.”
He felt the punch of that truth in his solar plexus. “True, but I’m happier than you.”
“You have Danny.”
Now he saw the whole baby drama with Blake in a new light. Perhaps there had been a seed of truth in it after all. “You think having Danny made Kim’s death hurt less for me?”
The quiet stole around them when she fell silent. He let it lengthen, unsure if she would answer him.
“I thought it might have helped,” she whispered. “At least you have a piece of her in him.”
He swiped at the tears in his eyes, thinking about how his heart stopped every time Danny smiled like his mother or made a gesture with his hands that reminded him of Kim. “We all have a piece of her in Danny, Nat.”
This time she remained silent, and he knew she wasn’t going to say anything else.
“Well, I should get back so I can give Danny a bath.” His watch told him it was nearing six-thirty. The babysitter would have fed him by now.
He rose and offered her a hand, which she took. He didn’t release it once they were both standing. “I love you, Nat.”
She bit her lip and pulled away. “I love you too. Just…please give me some space about this.”
She was already heading to her car as he folded up the blanket. “You’ve had too much space, Nat. Two whole years of it.”
Her response was to slam the car door. He took a moment to enjoy the quiet. Between the hospital and Danny, he didn’t have a lot of silence except in the darkness of the night. Silence during the day was spectacular, filled with the vibrant colors of blue, green, and brown. He didn’t feel as alone in this silence.
Keep helping her, Kim. We have a long way to go.
As he left, he patted the letter he’d tucked back into his pocket.
Her shoulder nudged him sharply. “Did you and Blake make some sort of pact?”
“No,” he said immediately. “I only want to honor Kim. If she thought Blake was the best match for you, I’m going to do my part to help you reclaim that relationship. I didn’t…before. I was going through my own crap and trying to be both father and mother to Danny.”
His throat thickened. Most days, he didn’t think he was doing very well with the mother part. How could a man hope to assume that role too? But Danny seemed to be thriving, thank God, and he knew Kim was being their son’s angel in her own way.
He thanked God for that too.
“So, you think I should just up and take Blake back?” she said with steel in her voice.
Choosing his words carefully, he put his arm tentatively around her shoulder. “No, I think you need to give him a chance to remind you why you fell in love with him in the first place.”
“And talk about what happened,” she added, not leaning her head against his shoulder like she normally would.
“The talking part will happen, but first you need to let him back in. You said you’ve agreed to be friends again. God knows, he needs one after losing Adam and leaving football. Why not start there?”
“And you’ll go on a date if I do this?” she asked, and he could hear the challenge in her voice.
“I agree to be open to finding a woman I want to date. When I find her, I’ll ask her.” He knew he had to be clear about his intentions. Just going out with someone wasn’t what he wanted. Okay, he really didn’t want to find anyone, if he were being honest, but reading Kim’s letter again had helped confirm what he already knew somewhere inside. It was time to push his boundaries and try to be open to new experiences.
“Blake won’t be content to be only my friend,” she said. “He never was.”
“That part is up to you,” he told her, dropping his arm from her shoulder. “All we want is for you to be happy.”
“Then why won’t you guys leave me alone?”
“Because you’re not really happy. You’re letting life pass you by.”
“You’re not happy either.”
He felt the punch of that truth in his solar plexus. “True, but I’m happier than you.”
“You have Danny.”
Now he saw the whole baby drama with Blake in a new light. Perhaps there had been a seed of truth in it after all. “You think having Danny made Kim’s death hurt less for me?”
The quiet stole around them when she fell silent. He let it lengthen, unsure if she would answer him.
“I thought it might have helped,” she whispered. “At least you have a piece of her in him.”
He swiped at the tears in his eyes, thinking about how his heart stopped every time Danny smiled like his mother or made a gesture with his hands that reminded him of Kim. “We all have a piece of her in Danny, Nat.”
This time she remained silent, and he knew she wasn’t going to say anything else.
“Well, I should get back so I can give Danny a bath.” His watch told him it was nearing six-thirty. The babysitter would have fed him by now.
He rose and offered her a hand, which she took. He didn’t release it once they were both standing. “I love you, Nat.”
She bit her lip and pulled away. “I love you too. Just…please give me some space about this.”
She was already heading to her car as he folded up the blanket. “You’ve had too much space, Nat. Two whole years of it.”
Her response was to slam the car door. He took a moment to enjoy the quiet. Between the hospital and Danny, he didn’t have a lot of silence except in the darkness of the night. Silence during the day was spectacular, filled with the vibrant colors of blue, green, and brown. He didn’t feel as alone in this silence.
Keep helping her, Kim. We have a long way to go.
As he left, he patted the letter he’d tucked back into his pocket.
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