The Book Stops Here: A Mobile Library Mystery by Ian Sansom Page A

Neeson,' said Ted.
    'Really?' said Israel's mother. 'Oh, I like him. Did you ever see him in Schindler's List ?'
    'I don't think so,' said Ted.
    'No? We've probably got it on video somewhere if you'd like to see it. Although you'd be better seeing it in a cinema really. We have wonderful cinemas here. I prefer the theatre myself.'
    'Mother! You never go the theatre!'
    'I went to see Les Misérables with my book group. And Mary Poppins —that wasn't awfully good actually; not nearly as good as the film. Do you remember the film, Israel? We used to watch it when you were children. We had that on video too. I don't know where all the videos are now. Anyway, how many have we got then, Ted, Northern Irishmen. Five?'
    'Not far off,' said Ted.
    'Israel?' said his mother.
    'What?' said Israel, who was staring at his mobile phone, willing Gloria to ring.
    'Famous Northern Irishmen?'
    'Or women,' said Ted.
    'Yes, of course,' said Israel's mother, who'd returned to rifling through the old LPs. 'We don't want to forget the women.'
    'Certainly not,' said Ted. 'Mary Peters,' he added.
    'Ah!' said Israel's mother, standing up triumphantly with a copy of Moondance . 'Who did you say, Ted?'
    'Mary Peters.'
    'Ah, yes. That dates us a little bit, though, doesn't it?'
    'Who's Mary Peters?' said Israel.
    'She was in the Olympics, wasn't she?' said Israel's mother.
    'She was,' said Ted.
    Israel's mother was fiddling around with the turntable.
    'I can never get this right. Ted, would you mind?' she said.
    Ted went over and stood beside her, taking the record from her hands.
    'You just need to bring this over here, and put this here,' said Ted.
    'Ah!' said Israel's mother. 'Yes, of course, I'd forgotten. My husband used to do all the…'
    Israel's mother allowed Ted to reach right round her and lift the stylus.
    Israel coughed loudly, but no one seemed to hear him.
    'Do you like folk music, Ted?' he heard his mother saying, rather breathily, he thought.
    'No. I can't say I do, to be frank with ye, Mrs Armstrong.'
    'Do call me Eva,' said Israel's mother.
    'Sorry, Eva,' said Ted.
    'Good,' said Israel's mother. 'My late husband liked folk music. But I feel there's enough misery in the world already.'
    'Aye. I'm more of a Frankie Laine and Nat King Cole kind of a man meself.'
    'Oh, how lovely. I went to see the Drifters a while back, with some friends; they were fantastic.'
    'The original Drifters?'
    'I'm not sure,' said Israel's mother. 'It was in Croydon.'
    'Were they good?'
    'Oh, they were fabulous! They did—oooh, what did they do?—"Under the Boardwalk" and "Saturday Night at the Movies". And "You're More Than a Number in My Little Red Book".'
    At which point—to Israel's utter horror—his mother started actually singing, and—worse!—Ted joined in, and suddenly they were duetting: 'You're more than a number in my little red book, you're more than a one night stand.'
    'Anyway,' said Israel, coughing much louder. 'Anyway!'
    'Sorry?' said Israel's mother, turning away from Ted and towards him.
    'Hello?' said Israel, as the opening bars of 'And It Stoned Me' came from the speakers. 'I could sit here all night listening to you talk about music and discussing famous Northern Irishmen—'
    'And women,' said his mother, who'd sat back down at the table.
    'And women,' said Israel, 'all night long. But—'
    'Are you a Catholic, Mr Carson?' asked Israel's mother, staring up at Ted.
    'Mother!' said Israel.
    'What?'
    'Ted's a Protestant.'
    'Oh, is he? Do they have those in Ireland as well?'
    'In the north of Ireland, Mother. Northern Ireland.'
    'Ah, yes, of course. My late husband was a Catholic. He didn't take it very seriously though.'
    'No,' said Ted, sitting down. 'I'm only a Sunday worshipper myself.'
    'Oh? Isn't that what you're supposed to be?'
    'Not if you're a Presbyterian, no.'
    'Really?' said Israel's mother. 'I've never met a Presbyterian. Is it like Jehovah's Witnesses?'
    'Not exactly,' said Ted.
    'It's a Christian religion though, is