The Book of New Family Traditions by Meg Cox

a form of instant gratification that we are not wrong in thinking could be detrimental to maturity and discipline. And they are becoming accustomed to a form of multitasking that makes it harder for them to focus deeply.
    Although he’s not allowed to do this while completing homework, my teenage son rarely has just one screen going when he’s on his own. He likes to watch a TV show on the computer’s screen while playing a video game in his lap on a handheld gaming device. When he’s sitting on the sofa watching TV with us, he’s often still playing a game with his hands. We were always adamant that Max couldn’t have either a television set or a computer in his bedroom. Ironically, now that he has an iPhone, he’s taking a mini-TV and computer everywhere he goes.
    More and more, the multiplying and captivating screens in our lives are keeping people disengaged from one another, even when they are in the same room. It bothers me when I see a young couple eating dinner in a nice restaurant while staring into their laps instead of each other’s eyes.
    If anything, that disconnection gets worse on the home front. We love our families, but we also argue with them, ignore them, and often take them for granted. Kids who have a screen in their hands are usually paying more attention to that than their siblings and parents. The addiction starts earlier and earlier: Toddlers are handed smart phones with videos playing to distract them from meltdowns. Teenagers, well, you do the math. The average teenager, studies show, sends more than 100 text messages a day.

    What’s a Parent to Do?
    First off, don’t panic. There are pluses as well as minuses for families when it comes to this technology explosion. Just ask Anne Collier, a tech expert who chaired an Obama task force on online safety and serves on Facebook’s safety advisory board. The mother of two teenage boys, Collier founded the website NetFamilyNews.org to provide “kid tech news for parents.”
    “The Internet is neutral: it’s how we use it that counts,” says Anne Collier. “You know your family’s values and rules and those need to extend into technology and cyberspace.”
    Exactly. Parents need to have a strong sense of what they value and translate that into a clear and consistent policy about tech devices. Sometimes, I believe, it’s important to declare screen-free times and places, such as the family dinner table and during homework hours. On the other hand, it’s worthwhile exploring the very positive ways in which tech tools can be woven into existing family traditions, and even help start new ones.
Two Trusted Websites for Keeping Your Family Safe While Connected
To get specific details about how to control your kids’ use of all types of screen technology, you will find lots of resources at www.NetSmartz.org/Parents (run by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) and www.PTA.org/mediasafety .
    As stated earlier, it’s much easier to start out with very strict limits on tech use with small children, and then relent only gradually.

    Picking and Choosing Which Screens and When
    Theresa Routh Chapman and her husband are both teachers and made the joint decision not to allow their sons, at seven and four, to own any video game devices. They also strictly limit the amount of time their sons can watch television, sticking to family fare like Nature on PBS, which the whole family watches together.
    The family isn’t opposed to technology per se: The boys join in for video chats to grandparents and send e-mails to cousins, aunts, and uncles. The ban on video gaming is getting tougher now that the older boy is in school, but the parents have clearly explained their priorities. “We would rather have him playing outdoors, or with his brother, or creating, reading or imagining,” says Theresa.
    Setting Weekday and Weekend Time Limits
    Julie Buehler, a mother of two in Yardley, Pennsylvania, has a baby and a nine-year-old, and the older