physically, but deeper into myself and let the demon have at it for a while. I hear the smacking of my tongue meeting blood as I drink from another, and I smell the disappointment of the two who were not chosen casually fade into the woods. I am in a place of isolation, lost, but present. It’s safe here and I’m numb… I’m so thankful for it. So, I fade into the darkness.
* * *
The fringe of awareness seeps into my mind and I am groggy, but alert. These hybrid cars are strangely quiet, creating a sense that we are parked, but the windows tell another story. Shadows pass as we move into the cement cave’s entrance. The gated arm lifts with obedience and we enter a parking garage as Percy snatches the ticket that sticks out like a tongue from the mouth of the machine. She says, “It’s about time. Are you all right?”
I shake my head to relieve the hazy fog of sleep and retort, “I think so. Where are we?”
“We are where it began.”
I peer out the side window and see that we’ve reached the 5 th floor and pass by rows of empty slots on the way to the top. I recognize the garage, one of many, but it’s mine. This is where Hanz and Franz had their little fun with me. The sting of defeat gives me thoughts of a rematch, maybe one day. “Why are we here?”
“It’s a connection to who you were and are. You need to reconcile the two before you lose control.” She knows. She must know about my demon.
“I want you to explain what you think you know of me?”
She unlocks the doors, unfastens her seatbelt (why would she wear a seatbelt?), and steps into the shaken snow globe. Once again, I follow her lead. “You allowed another part of yourself to surface without the burden of conscience. That can be very dangerous to one who holds so much power.”
I relent to honesty. “I’ve had this… pressure, this demon, since the dawn of my memory. It has always wanted out. I knew innately that if he were to gain control, then I would lose who I am in the scuffle. So, I imprison him deep in the back of my mind, at great expense, I might add,” I say, expecting congratulations.
“Adriel, there is no demon, certainly a pressure, but no ‘other’ you. You are not schizophrenic and your being is not dichotomic. You are like one of us, a predator that has had to live with prey for so long that you have judged your needs with human moral standards.”
“I am human, Percy. Perhaps not genetically, but I am human nonetheless. I can’t just turn it on or turn it off on a whim!” I sense her probing. “Why did you make me experience that tonight? What value was that?”
“Tell me about your feelings when the moment came?”
I didn’t want to remember, but steeled myself. “I felt what she felt, and perhaps it was even magnified to some extent. If I’m being honest, I wanted to release her from her guilt. She wanted to die. She wanted it so bad that I wanted it for her, and I knew it was useless to attempt to talk her out of it. Her decision was contemplated and examined. I felt her resolve. It was final, and it was my resolve as well.”
“In some ways we are more human than humans. Our emotions are hypersensitive and cross over their boundaries. We feel desire with a heat they will never understand, we experience empathy so powerfully that we can nearly read minds, and we can feel anger enough to slaughter hundreds in blind rage. You fear losing control AND you deny what you are. If you continue to entertain this denial and push it away, it will push back harder. You cannot win this battle; you cannot fight what you were born to be.”
“I need a scotch.”
“You’ve spent a lifetime numbing the sharp edges of your emotions!” Her bite retracts and her voice softens. “What you did tonight was a service. Our lives are in a symbiotic relationship with our human cousins. We are not ruthless serial killers, but a natural part of their world. We may take random people to feed on, we may choose
* * *
The fringe of awareness seeps into my mind and I am groggy, but alert. These hybrid cars are strangely quiet, creating a sense that we are parked, but the windows tell another story. Shadows pass as we move into the cement cave’s entrance. The gated arm lifts with obedience and we enter a parking garage as Percy snatches the ticket that sticks out like a tongue from the mouth of the machine. She says, “It’s about time. Are you all right?”
I shake my head to relieve the hazy fog of sleep and retort, “I think so. Where are we?”
“We are where it began.”
I peer out the side window and see that we’ve reached the 5 th floor and pass by rows of empty slots on the way to the top. I recognize the garage, one of many, but it’s mine. This is where Hanz and Franz had their little fun with me. The sting of defeat gives me thoughts of a rematch, maybe one day. “Why are we here?”
“It’s a connection to who you were and are. You need to reconcile the two before you lose control.” She knows. She must know about my demon.
“I want you to explain what you think you know of me?”
She unlocks the doors, unfastens her seatbelt (why would she wear a seatbelt?), and steps into the shaken snow globe. Once again, I follow her lead. “You allowed another part of yourself to surface without the burden of conscience. That can be very dangerous to one who holds so much power.”
I relent to honesty. “I’ve had this… pressure, this demon, since the dawn of my memory. It has always wanted out. I knew innately that if he were to gain control, then I would lose who I am in the scuffle. So, I imprison him deep in the back of my mind, at great expense, I might add,” I say, expecting congratulations.
“Adriel, there is no demon, certainly a pressure, but no ‘other’ you. You are not schizophrenic and your being is not dichotomic. You are like one of us, a predator that has had to live with prey for so long that you have judged your needs with human moral standards.”
“I am human, Percy. Perhaps not genetically, but I am human nonetheless. I can’t just turn it on or turn it off on a whim!” I sense her probing. “Why did you make me experience that tonight? What value was that?”
“Tell me about your feelings when the moment came?”
I didn’t want to remember, but steeled myself. “I felt what she felt, and perhaps it was even magnified to some extent. If I’m being honest, I wanted to release her from her guilt. She wanted to die. She wanted it so bad that I wanted it for her, and I knew it was useless to attempt to talk her out of it. Her decision was contemplated and examined. I felt her resolve. It was final, and it was my resolve as well.”
“In some ways we are more human than humans. Our emotions are hypersensitive and cross over their boundaries. We feel desire with a heat they will never understand, we experience empathy so powerfully that we can nearly read minds, and we can feel anger enough to slaughter hundreds in blind rage. You fear losing control AND you deny what you are. If you continue to entertain this denial and push it away, it will push back harder. You cannot win this battle; you cannot fight what you were born to be.”
“I need a scotch.”
“You’ve spent a lifetime numbing the sharp edges of your emotions!” Her bite retracts and her voice softens. “What you did tonight was a service. Our lives are in a symbiotic relationship with our human cousins. We are not ruthless serial killers, but a natural part of their world. We may take random people to feed on, we may choose
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