You want me to—quote—rub up against whoever—unquote? Are you crazy?”
I took a while to ponder that. “Crazy? Oh, definitely. But stupid because I want my blind friend to come out and socialize? No way. Come on, man. It’ll be a blast.”
“Jake, I don’t think—”
I cut him off. “I’ll introduce you to a couple of mates who’ll take care of you if I’m busy. Luke’s a good guy, and so’s Davo. And Sav and Tony. And Gary. I’ll introduce you to Gary as long as you don’t go into the toilets with him. That man is a total slut, and if you look at him sideways he thinks that means you want to fuck him over the toilet bowl, and he’ll virtually drop his pants right there and then. So don’t go in the loos with Gary or he’ll give you more than you’d bargained for.”
The man across the table looked at me with shock before he choked on his own spit. I nodded in agreement. “Yes. I know. I can introduce you to a couple of women too, if you want. Just stay away from that Marie. I’ve had a couple of guys tell me they have contracted pubic lice from her. You can cover your dick with a rubber but that ain’t gonna stop you from getting creepy crawlies off her. So if she asks you, then say yes to a blowjob if you want one, but for goodness sake don’t take her to the loos or to her car or anything!”
Patrick’s jaw was hanging open, but I was on a roll.
“And don’t even look at a girl if she tells you her name is Nicole. She has a big, mean fella at home who will hunt you down, then murder you three different ways before he’s done. She claims she doesn’t have a man, but this guy seems to have a different idea. So if you’re chatting with a nice girl and she says her name is Nicole, then quickly tell her you’re gay and run, man, run.”
“Ahh….”
“And Pepper….”
“Pepper?” Patrick looked terrified of what I might say, his eyes open wide behind the darkened plastic of his sunnies. And he was right to be scared.
I hesitated on what to say. “Well, I don’t know you that well, so Pepper might be right up your alley. Tell me, are you into handcuffs, gags, leather, and all that shit?” Poor Patrick was choking on his own saliva again. “I know, man. It’s not my scene either, so keep away from Pepper.”
He seemed to be having some difficulty swallowing. Maybe I had imparted a little bit too much information. “Ah, Jake, I’m not sure….”
I knew what he was going to say, so I cut him off quick. “So is Friday good for you? A Friday would be better than a Saturday. Saturdays are really busy, and sometimes you can’t even move. The dinner crowd moves on after eight, so coming about nine would be perfect. Yeah?”
“I can’t—”
“Sure you can. Look, come down and have a couple of beers on me, and then if you’re having problems you can disappear again. At least try it, Patrick.”
“I don’t know—”
“Come on. Are you a man, or do I have to start calling you Patti-cake?”
Wow! Was that the sound of a pin dropping?
“What did you just call me?” Patrick’s voice was full of venom as he narrowed his eyes in my direction. I gaily ignored the threat and began to gather the plates together. I ran the tap, filling the sink with hot water and soap to wash the dishes that had accumulated, deliberately ignoring the dishwasher.
“I didn’t call you anything. But I did say I would call you Patti-cake if you’re chickenshit and don’t come to the the Tav on Friday.” I grabbed the dishes and plunged them in the hot water.
Big mistake on my behalf. I didn’t hear the man move and I wasn’t expecting an attack, so when the firm, stinging slap landed on my arse I was surprised as all fuck.
“Hey!” I dropped the plate in the sink and whirled in astonishment, but Patrick had already moved out of the kitchen and was headed for the study.
He called back over his shoulder, “Make sure you clean that water off the floor too. I wouldn’t want to slip
I took a while to ponder that. “Crazy? Oh, definitely. But stupid because I want my blind friend to come out and socialize? No way. Come on, man. It’ll be a blast.”
“Jake, I don’t think—”
I cut him off. “I’ll introduce you to a couple of mates who’ll take care of you if I’m busy. Luke’s a good guy, and so’s Davo. And Sav and Tony. And Gary. I’ll introduce you to Gary as long as you don’t go into the toilets with him. That man is a total slut, and if you look at him sideways he thinks that means you want to fuck him over the toilet bowl, and he’ll virtually drop his pants right there and then. So don’t go in the loos with Gary or he’ll give you more than you’d bargained for.”
The man across the table looked at me with shock before he choked on his own spit. I nodded in agreement. “Yes. I know. I can introduce you to a couple of women too, if you want. Just stay away from that Marie. I’ve had a couple of guys tell me they have contracted pubic lice from her. You can cover your dick with a rubber but that ain’t gonna stop you from getting creepy crawlies off her. So if she asks you, then say yes to a blowjob if you want one, but for goodness sake don’t take her to the loos or to her car or anything!”
Patrick’s jaw was hanging open, but I was on a roll.
“And don’t even look at a girl if she tells you her name is Nicole. She has a big, mean fella at home who will hunt you down, then murder you three different ways before he’s done. She claims she doesn’t have a man, but this guy seems to have a different idea. So if you’re chatting with a nice girl and she says her name is Nicole, then quickly tell her you’re gay and run, man, run.”
“Ahh….”
“And Pepper….”
“Pepper?” Patrick looked terrified of what I might say, his eyes open wide behind the darkened plastic of his sunnies. And he was right to be scared.
I hesitated on what to say. “Well, I don’t know you that well, so Pepper might be right up your alley. Tell me, are you into handcuffs, gags, leather, and all that shit?” Poor Patrick was choking on his own saliva again. “I know, man. It’s not my scene either, so keep away from Pepper.”
He seemed to be having some difficulty swallowing. Maybe I had imparted a little bit too much information. “Ah, Jake, I’m not sure….”
I knew what he was going to say, so I cut him off quick. “So is Friday good for you? A Friday would be better than a Saturday. Saturdays are really busy, and sometimes you can’t even move. The dinner crowd moves on after eight, so coming about nine would be perfect. Yeah?”
“I can’t—”
“Sure you can. Look, come down and have a couple of beers on me, and then if you’re having problems you can disappear again. At least try it, Patrick.”
“I don’t know—”
“Come on. Are you a man, or do I have to start calling you Patti-cake?”
Wow! Was that the sound of a pin dropping?
“What did you just call me?” Patrick’s voice was full of venom as he narrowed his eyes in my direction. I gaily ignored the threat and began to gather the plates together. I ran the tap, filling the sink with hot water and soap to wash the dishes that had accumulated, deliberately ignoring the dishwasher.
“I didn’t call you anything. But I did say I would call you Patti-cake if you’re chickenshit and don’t come to the the Tav on Friday.” I grabbed the dishes and plunged them in the hot water.
Big mistake on my behalf. I didn’t hear the man move and I wasn’t expecting an attack, so when the firm, stinging slap landed on my arse I was surprised as all fuck.
“Hey!” I dropped the plate in the sink and whirled in astonishment, but Patrick had already moved out of the kitchen and was headed for the study.
He called back over his shoulder, “Make sure you clean that water off the floor too. I wouldn’t want to slip
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