tenderness towards her mother and wanted to say something which would make things easier. She was close to tears.
'No, he looks all right. I think he's afraid.'
'And the consultant? What's he like?'
'It's a she. I didn't meet her, but they say she's nice.'
At reception, they asked for the consultant, and when she could not be located Helen asked for the doctor whom she had met the previous day. They waited in silence. After a while, the consultant and the young doctor arrived together. The consultant was much smaller and younger than Helen had imagined. She was almost girlish. It took her mother a while to realise that this was the consultant. She brought them down a corridor to an office.
'Now, doctor,' Helen's mother said as soon as they sat down, 'could you give us your considered opinion on the case?'
'I'm afraid I'll have to be very blunt,' the consultant said.
'There's no point in mincing words with me,' Helen's mother said.
'Declan's very sick. His T-cell count, which is how we measure the progress of the disease, is almost down to nil. Most people have more than a thousand. He's open to any number of opportunistic infections. He had a small operation this morning to put a line back into his chest, and that went all right. He could go on for a while, but he could also go very quickly. It depends on each individual. I should say about him that he's very brave and very resilient but he won't survive too many more onslaughts.'
'Are there any drugs you can use?'
'There's one drug, called AZT, but I'm afraid it isn't a cure, and we are developing better medicine for each infection as it arises.'
'And what are the chances of a cure?'
'There's nothing in the pipeline, although you never know; but I think that most doctors would agree that Declan's immune system has been destroyed and it would be hard to envisage a way for that to be restored.'
'Could anything be done for him in America?'
'Our systems here are just as advanced.'
'Is he in pain?'
'No, he was actually sitting up in bed half an hour ago when I saw him. He has a group of friends who make sure that he is well looked after. I'll take you down to him and we can talk afterwards, if you want.'
As Helen opened the door, her mother turned to the consultant. 'Could I speak to you alone for a minute, please?'
Helen waited outside and then walked down the corridor and stood looking out of the "window. She knew what her mother was asking: the question she had refrained from asking Helen in the car. She had always wondered if her mother knew about Declan being gay, and was not sure now whether the consultant would tell her or not. But as she watched her mother walking out of the consultant's office and coming with her down the corridor, she knew that she had received a reply. Her mother's shoulders were hunched and she kept her eyes on the ground. It was years since Helen had seen her look defeated like this.
When they walked into Declan's room, he was sitting up in bed listening to music on a Walkman. Paul, who was sitting on a chair beside the bed, stood up immediately, nodded at Helen and left the room.
'I've brought you a visitor,' Helen said.
'I knew the last time I saw you that you weren't looking well,' their mother said, approaching the bed and smiling at Declan. 'But you look much better now.' She held his hand.
'I didn't think you'd be up so soon,' he said.
'This room is a bit dark, isn't it? Are they treating you properly at all?' her mother asked.
'Oh, it's fine, it's fine,' he said.
'We're only here to make everything nice for you, isn't that right, Helen?'
'Yes, Mammy,' Helen said.
'Could you find out when I was getting out?' Declan asked.
'We met the consultant, but she didn't say anything about it,' his mother said. 'But I'll go down now and ask her if you like.'
'No, wait for a while,' he said.
'Have you any pain?' his mother asked.
'I don't feel great today. I had a local anaesthetic in my chest this morning, and it always
'No, he looks all right. I think he's afraid.'
'And the consultant? What's he like?'
'It's a she. I didn't meet her, but they say she's nice.'
At reception, they asked for the consultant, and when she could not be located Helen asked for the doctor whom she had met the previous day. They waited in silence. After a while, the consultant and the young doctor arrived together. The consultant was much smaller and younger than Helen had imagined. She was almost girlish. It took her mother a while to realise that this was the consultant. She brought them down a corridor to an office.
'Now, doctor,' Helen's mother said as soon as they sat down, 'could you give us your considered opinion on the case?'
'I'm afraid I'll have to be very blunt,' the consultant said.
'There's no point in mincing words with me,' Helen's mother said.
'Declan's very sick. His T-cell count, which is how we measure the progress of the disease, is almost down to nil. Most people have more than a thousand. He's open to any number of opportunistic infections. He had a small operation this morning to put a line back into his chest, and that went all right. He could go on for a while, but he could also go very quickly. It depends on each individual. I should say about him that he's very brave and very resilient but he won't survive too many more onslaughts.'
'Are there any drugs you can use?'
'There's one drug, called AZT, but I'm afraid it isn't a cure, and we are developing better medicine for each infection as it arises.'
'And what are the chances of a cure?'
'There's nothing in the pipeline, although you never know; but I think that most doctors would agree that Declan's immune system has been destroyed and it would be hard to envisage a way for that to be restored.'
'Could anything be done for him in America?'
'Our systems here are just as advanced.'
'Is he in pain?'
'No, he was actually sitting up in bed half an hour ago when I saw him. He has a group of friends who make sure that he is well looked after. I'll take you down to him and we can talk afterwards, if you want.'
As Helen opened the door, her mother turned to the consultant. 'Could I speak to you alone for a minute, please?'
Helen waited outside and then walked down the corridor and stood looking out of the "window. She knew what her mother was asking: the question she had refrained from asking Helen in the car. She had always wondered if her mother knew about Declan being gay, and was not sure now whether the consultant would tell her or not. But as she watched her mother walking out of the consultant's office and coming with her down the corridor, she knew that she had received a reply. Her mother's shoulders were hunched and she kept her eyes on the ground. It was years since Helen had seen her look defeated like this.
When they walked into Declan's room, he was sitting up in bed listening to music on a Walkman. Paul, who was sitting on a chair beside the bed, stood up immediately, nodded at Helen and left the room.
'I've brought you a visitor,' Helen said.
'I knew the last time I saw you that you weren't looking well,' their mother said, approaching the bed and smiling at Declan. 'But you look much better now.' She held his hand.
'I didn't think you'd be up so soon,' he said.
'This room is a bit dark, isn't it? Are they treating you properly at all?' her mother asked.
'Oh, it's fine, it's fine,' he said.
'We're only here to make everything nice for you, isn't that right, Helen?'
'Yes, Mammy,' Helen said.
'Could you find out when I was getting out?' Declan asked.
'We met the consultant, but she didn't say anything about it,' his mother said. 'But I'll go down now and ask her if you like.'
'No, wait for a while,' he said.
'Have you any pain?' his mother asked.
'I don't feel great today. I had a local anaesthetic in my chest this morning, and it always
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