The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord Page A

while, processing this. “Okay. So how does ‘discerning
     and suppressing imposed emotions’ come into this? Because I was completely at the
     mercy of those injectors, let me tell you.”
    Dllenahkh explained further. “It is difficult, if not impossible, to stop the action
     of chemicals introduced directly into the body. It is, however, possible to shield
     from external attempts to alter brain and body chemistry. That is the aim of today’s
     session.”
    The three Sadiri around the medtable suddenly seemed to loom with menace. “You’re
     going to try to influence my thoughts and emotions?” I squeaked.
    “With your permission,” said Dllenahkh.
    I thought about it. I took a good few minutes while they remained there in silence,
     waiting on my word. I thought about what Ioan had and had not been able to do to me.
     I thought about Rafi, who, I strongly suspected, possessed a similar talent to his
     father’s, and wondered what might become of him in the future.
    “Knowledge is power,” I said at last. “Let’s do it.”
    First, because it was already there to work with, Dllenahkh tried to increase my sense
     of unease. It worked. I bolted upright, choking as if pulling myself out of quicksand,
     but then, with an indignant “Hah!” I exhaled my real tension, turning fear to simple
     discontent, and pushed back the false sensation with a feeling of triumph.
    “My stars, you’re strong.” I breathed rapidly, looking at him with wide eyes. “Less
     with the elephant feet, please.”
    He was examining the readouts on the monitor beside my head. “My apologies,” he said
     absently. “How do you feel? Please use the scales we discussed to describe your emotions.”
    “Genuinely? I was a bit up there on the frenzy scale and even a little up on the pleasure
     scale. You tried to project dysphoria, and it combined with the frenzy to produce
     fear. So I dumped the frenzy and tossed back the dysphoria. And now I feel quite up
     there on the pleasure scale, thank you very much.”
    “Remarkable,” said Dllenahkh.
    It was better than therapy in a way. While the Sadiri were getting their data and
     creating their new tests, I was finding out what my strengths were. For example, it
     seemed that I was even able to control my real emotions far better than you’d expect
     from the way I usually behave. I’d just rarely had need to do so, but the proof of
     it was how I had been able to not only switch off Ioan’s attempts to make me feel
     comfortable with him but also damp down my own inclination to feel that comfort. Telepathically,
     though, I had no talent whatsoever. I could be influenced into doing all manner of
     nonsensical, trivial things and rationalizing them afterward, like the time I randomly
     picked up an injector and aimed it at Nasiha, who, fortunately, was agile and aware
     enough to leap out of the way. If she hadn’t shot Dllenahkh a very nasty look for
     that trick, I would have sworn it was all my idea.
    Which brings me to another point. I never saw Sadiri the way others do, as being in
     complete control of their facial expressions. It became clear to me that although
     I would never have the level of telepathy to fully sense them as they did one another,
     I did have a level of empathy to detect the emotions that they did not express, though
     I interpreted it as a physical expression. I once had a raging argument with Lian
     over the simple premise “Joral smiles at you all the time.” Lian swore I was crazy;
     I swore Lian was oversensitive about being the object of a Sadiri crush. Now I understand
     that Lian honestly couldn’t see that faint hint of a smile that I’d persuaded myself
     was there to account for my certainty that Joral derived pleasure from Lian’s company.
    Another good thing about the testing was that by the time we were ready to leave,
     I had acquired some respect for Nasiha and Tarik. They were wrapped up in each other—well,
     fair enough. Theirs was