talking quickly. She tried to spit out all the things she knew she believed—that itwas wonderful, that it was all going to be fine, that they could be honest with her. It was like she was reading verbatim from a brochure called “My Friends Are Gay! Now What?”
Talking fast helped. It was just like swallowing cough syrup. Don’t avoid it—just do it. Gulp it all. Mel was nodding away, agreeing with everything, but Avery seemed lost, her brow furrowed.
“So, should we keep shopping?” Nina said, as brightly as she could.
They made the rounds again, but it soon became obvious that no one was actually going to buy anything. They were just dragging themselves from store to store, sticking tightly together, as if trying to prevent anything bad from happening again. The only thing Nina could think about was that she was walking along with a couple. Mel and Avery were a
couple.
They gave up after a half hour, and Nina dropped them both at Mel’s house.
Nina raced up to her room the second she got home. She needed Steve. She tried calling, but no one picked up. She turned on her computer and opened up an e-mail.
Steve
,
Where to start?
I don’t even know where to begin.
Okay. Inhale, then exhale.
I’m going to say a lot really fast because I’m still kind of shaking.
Since I’ve been home, Mel and Avery have been a little weird. I know why now. We went out shopping today, and they asked to splitup. I found them in the dressing room of a store when they weren’t expecting me, and they were kissing. Like really, really deeply kissing. We sat down and talked and Mel said she had kind of known for a long time that she was attracted to girls but didn’t really know what to do about it. (I guess she figured it out.) Avery didn’t really say anything except that no one else knows and that they want to keep it a secret.
What were the chances that both of my best friends would be gay?
This was a good point. After all, didn’t that say something about her? And she was part of a
triangle.
Hello!
She was so gay.
No, she wasn’t. She had a boyfriend. She was writing to him now to get advice about her gay friends.
A boyfriend who lived three thousand miles away. How convenient! Unconsciously she had been setting herself up for this all along because she must have known that deep down, she was
a total and complete lesbian
, part of a lifelong lesbian trio.
Focus.
She had to put her head down against the edge of her desk and count backward from twenty and then again from twenty-five before she could continue typing.
I know there’s nothing to do, and I really am okay with it in the sense that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But I’m totally in shock and I need help and please can you call me or IM me or something as soon as you get this because school starts tomorrow and I am pretty sure that I will burst some kind of v. important-blood vessel in my head between now and then. I don’t mean to sound selfish, butI am starting my job tomorrow as president of the council and I have to give a speech in front of the entire school. I was fine with that until about two hours ago, and now
—
A speech she still had to polish. She still kept screwing up that one part.
I am a mess. Cannot Dr. Phil this one away. Need help. I’ll be here, trying to learn this speech and probably just pacing around.
God, I wish you were here. I miss you so much I seriously can’t stand it, and there is no way that I will actually survive until next September, or the summer, or whenever. I need to be there with you NOW, or you have to come here. We have to do something.
Anyway, please, please, please get in touch with me.
—
Nina
Nina sent the note.
She had no idea what to do now. Normally when she was stressed, she called Mel and Avery. She would have to fall back on her secondary activity—organizing. She got up and tore into her closet, pulling down everything, emptying boxes, dumping out containers of papers
Talking fast helped. It was just like swallowing cough syrup. Don’t avoid it—just do it. Gulp it all. Mel was nodding away, agreeing with everything, but Avery seemed lost, her brow furrowed.
“So, should we keep shopping?” Nina said, as brightly as she could.
They made the rounds again, but it soon became obvious that no one was actually going to buy anything. They were just dragging themselves from store to store, sticking tightly together, as if trying to prevent anything bad from happening again. The only thing Nina could think about was that she was walking along with a couple. Mel and Avery were a
couple.
They gave up after a half hour, and Nina dropped them both at Mel’s house.
Nina raced up to her room the second she got home. She needed Steve. She tried calling, but no one picked up. She turned on her computer and opened up an e-mail.
Steve
,
Where to start?
I don’t even know where to begin.
Okay. Inhale, then exhale.
I’m going to say a lot really fast because I’m still kind of shaking.
Since I’ve been home, Mel and Avery have been a little weird. I know why now. We went out shopping today, and they asked to splitup. I found them in the dressing room of a store when they weren’t expecting me, and they were kissing. Like really, really deeply kissing. We sat down and talked and Mel said she had kind of known for a long time that she was attracted to girls but didn’t really know what to do about it. (I guess she figured it out.) Avery didn’t really say anything except that no one else knows and that they want to keep it a secret.
What were the chances that both of my best friends would be gay?
This was a good point. After all, didn’t that say something about her? And she was part of a
triangle.
Hello!
She was so gay.
No, she wasn’t. She had a boyfriend. She was writing to him now to get advice about her gay friends.
A boyfriend who lived three thousand miles away. How convenient! Unconsciously she had been setting herself up for this all along because she must have known that deep down, she was
a total and complete lesbian
, part of a lifelong lesbian trio.
Focus.
She had to put her head down against the edge of her desk and count backward from twenty and then again from twenty-five before she could continue typing.
I know there’s nothing to do, and I really am okay with it in the sense that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But I’m totally in shock and I need help and please can you call me or IM me or something as soon as you get this because school starts tomorrow and I am pretty sure that I will burst some kind of v. important-blood vessel in my head between now and then. I don’t mean to sound selfish, butI am starting my job tomorrow as president of the council and I have to give a speech in front of the entire school. I was fine with that until about two hours ago, and now
—
A speech she still had to polish. She still kept screwing up that one part.
I am a mess. Cannot Dr. Phil this one away. Need help. I’ll be here, trying to learn this speech and probably just pacing around.
God, I wish you were here. I miss you so much I seriously can’t stand it, and there is no way that I will actually survive until next September, or the summer, or whenever. I need to be there with you NOW, or you have to come here. We have to do something.
Anyway, please, please, please get in touch with me.
—
Nina
Nina sent the note.
She had no idea what to do now. Normally when she was stressed, she called Mel and Avery. She would have to fall back on her secondary activity—organizing. She got up and tore into her closet, pulling down everything, emptying boxes, dumping out containers of papers
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