week”, he told me and I knew that I turned pale; I felt it, just like my heart dropped to my feet.
“Did I... do something wrong?” I asked before I could stop myself, but White took it right anyway; he laughed: “Oh no, Deary, you did great. You were a really nice girl and that is why you get a break.”
Smiling shyly while feeling like someone has annihilated the ground beneath your feet isn’t easy.
It hurts, physically and much more: it cuts deeply, like you have to tear and rip your face and muscles into the right position. I couldn’t tell him that he was punishing me with this, tormenting me.
“He’s in for some tests as well, so you won’t see me for about a week”, he continued, sounding like that would mean something terrible for me.
Looking sad and downhearted on the other hand never came so easily. It was a kind of relief being able to show that. Should White believe that my Stockholm syndrome applied to him, and not Jay.
I won’t see him for a week, for a whole week. Does this have to do something with me being on my period this week? Or do they want to test him because he obviously cares about and for me?
I was in chaos, I felt like being tossed around by a tornado. I didn’t consciously notice that he told me to undress myself, but I did it; in front of him. GROSS. But at least I had turned my back on him and he... maybe he had already closed the door behind me. I can’t tell.
Jay wouldn’t tolerate me smelling like someone else, definitely, right? So White would never touch me... right?
I’m freaking out!
I’m going insane.
Building my life around these regular things and most of all having him, Jay, close, kept me together and now they took that away from me. I need to focus and write. Think. Focus. Stick to the plan.
I never truly realized how cool it is in the cage until today. Maybe I froze because I already started to miss him. I had no idea how to behave. So I stepped towards the bars and stared through them, not moving even as I watched them sliding to the side. I waited, and waited.
I felt like I was waiting for an eternity, until I heard a movement behind me. And I knew he was there, again, not wanting me to see his face. I stayed where I was, tensed up like I was, and my heart racing in despair. Tears already were burning in my eyes.
The way he moved his hands across my skin, pulling me towards him... he knew it, he knew that something was wrong. His reluctance faded instantly as I leaned towards him, telling him that it wasn’t his fault. Not really.
Well, partly, because he makes me miss him.
My eyes grazed briefly that horrid window and I felt like I knew that White was watching, so I bit my lip, like this was terrible for me. In fact, I wanted to turn around, and pull him close towards me, feel him in a way I wasn’t allowed to. For White this only was about giving Jay what he needed as a male creature. I know that for him it’s more than just that.
And then... he turned me around, towards him.
I feared my heart would want to strike because it beat that fast. Yes, his face was all warped again into this strange mixture of human and cougar.
These copper-green cat-like eyes... You know his lips aren’t split like feline ones and his nose isn’t as flat. Still, it could be disturbing to look at him. Even more now, seeing his face that close, but I knew that I wouldn’t get to see him for a week and all I saw were his eyes, these golden-green cat-like eyes asking, worrying, and wondering.
You cannot tell me that he’s just some dull creature, that he has no feelings, only instincts. No one can make me believe that. White: don’t ever try.
I managed to bring up one of my hands, shaking, but I touched his face, and he nuzzled his cheek into my palm. There was a hole where my heart should beat. I felt like crying. I do feel like crying still.
However, I sensed the clock ticking, like I could see White getting impatient. I even heard the speaker cracking,
“Did I... do something wrong?” I asked before I could stop myself, but White took it right anyway; he laughed: “Oh no, Deary, you did great. You were a really nice girl and that is why you get a break.”
Smiling shyly while feeling like someone has annihilated the ground beneath your feet isn’t easy.
It hurts, physically and much more: it cuts deeply, like you have to tear and rip your face and muscles into the right position. I couldn’t tell him that he was punishing me with this, tormenting me.
“He’s in for some tests as well, so you won’t see me for about a week”, he continued, sounding like that would mean something terrible for me.
Looking sad and downhearted on the other hand never came so easily. It was a kind of relief being able to show that. Should White believe that my Stockholm syndrome applied to him, and not Jay.
I won’t see him for a week, for a whole week. Does this have to do something with me being on my period this week? Or do they want to test him because he obviously cares about and for me?
I was in chaos, I felt like being tossed around by a tornado. I didn’t consciously notice that he told me to undress myself, but I did it; in front of him. GROSS. But at least I had turned my back on him and he... maybe he had already closed the door behind me. I can’t tell.
Jay wouldn’t tolerate me smelling like someone else, definitely, right? So White would never touch me... right?
I’m freaking out!
I’m going insane.
Building my life around these regular things and most of all having him, Jay, close, kept me together and now they took that away from me. I need to focus and write. Think. Focus. Stick to the plan.
I never truly realized how cool it is in the cage until today. Maybe I froze because I already started to miss him. I had no idea how to behave. So I stepped towards the bars and stared through them, not moving even as I watched them sliding to the side. I waited, and waited.
I felt like I was waiting for an eternity, until I heard a movement behind me. And I knew he was there, again, not wanting me to see his face. I stayed where I was, tensed up like I was, and my heart racing in despair. Tears already were burning in my eyes.
The way he moved his hands across my skin, pulling me towards him... he knew it, he knew that something was wrong. His reluctance faded instantly as I leaned towards him, telling him that it wasn’t his fault. Not really.
Well, partly, because he makes me miss him.
My eyes grazed briefly that horrid window and I felt like I knew that White was watching, so I bit my lip, like this was terrible for me. In fact, I wanted to turn around, and pull him close towards me, feel him in a way I wasn’t allowed to. For White this only was about giving Jay what he needed as a male creature. I know that for him it’s more than just that.
And then... he turned me around, towards him.
I feared my heart would want to strike because it beat that fast. Yes, his face was all warped again into this strange mixture of human and cougar.
These copper-green cat-like eyes... You know his lips aren’t split like feline ones and his nose isn’t as flat. Still, it could be disturbing to look at him. Even more now, seeing his face that close, but I knew that I wouldn’t get to see him for a week and all I saw were his eyes, these golden-green cat-like eyes asking, worrying, and wondering.
You cannot tell me that he’s just some dull creature, that he has no feelings, only instincts. No one can make me believe that. White: don’t ever try.
I managed to bring up one of my hands, shaking, but I touched his face, and he nuzzled his cheek into my palm. There was a hole where my heart should beat. I felt like crying. I do feel like crying still.
However, I sensed the clock ticking, like I could see White getting impatient. I even heard the speaker cracking,
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