again, changed. Still, I don’t care. I know this has to be some psycho thing. But you know what? Screw it. I placed my shackled hands on his forearms, stroking them and you cannot judge me for it. I don’t care.
Day 45
I slept through the night, like a stone. So... maybe tonight, I doubt that they will bring me to him. Have they ever? Two days in a row? And I really slept well, deep and dreamless. Not that I dream much. It’s always blurry and never really makes sense anyhow.
Maybe I’ll try it today.
However, White kept his promise. I just realized today. There were books and paintings, a lamp on a nightstand next to my bed and a double scotch tape on my table. So I can put up the pictures by myself. Apparently I don’t get any nails, but maybe I can keep the tape.
The books, I don’t know why he brought me ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘Wuthering Heights’, and... the Twilight series.
Guilty. Well, okay, one needs to be distracted.
However: I put up the pictures and I hid some of the tape in my container for female hygiene. Since... you never know, right?
Writing all of this down really helps me keep calm. It’s not that I don’t think about my family or the friends I have lost who might still think about me.
It’s not like I don’t keep wondering if anyone misses me on campus and what they did to cover the tracks. And I can’t stop pondering if he, my beast, Ten...
I really hate that number...
I mean, maybe he’ll get the chance to tell me his name, but until then, I have to call him something different. I don’t want to make him a number, or a subject.
So... the tenth letter in the alphabet is J. J is good, maybe I’ll find a name for it I like, maybe that’s even the letter his name starts with? Maybe Jay is even his name? I can’t stop thinking, wondering if he has or had a family as well. If he’s artificial or if he was human once and they have changed him.
Maybe John? Too obvious. Johnathan? Sure... Jason? Jeremy? It’s not the Vampire Diaries. Jensen... nah... Jean... that’s just French for John. There aren’t many names with J... at least not many I can think of. Maybe I should’ve come up with something different. I’ll keep it simple then: Jay. Thinking of that letter makes me grin like a love-crazed teenager. But I’m not in love, how could I be?
I tried not to freak out. I swear. I tried to do my best, to act reluctantly as Peter and White came to take me. I kept telling myself that they wouldn’t take me to him, to Jay... I don’t dare put down the name on paper. It’s stupid. It’s my diary, right? Still. I tried to make big eyes and look up to White pretending to be his little shy girl and I made him smile. I freaking made that man smile.
He’s tall and has ash-blond hair. I believe he’s turning gray as well. And he’s almost taller than Peter. His eyes are gray, flat gray, like he has no soul...
I should’ve called him that and not White, but I can’t change my mind now. Not that it’s really important.
We walked that usual way and I tried to be anxious, even though I was excited. Luckily, those two emotions expressed appear similar to others who don’t know anyone well enough to tell the difference. I didn’t dare believe that I would see Jay again.
White told Peter to wait outside of the first room.
I wrote down that there’s another room you enter before you get into the cage, didn’t I? That has actually stairs leading upwards to the monitoring room? Well, I wrote that now.
White told Peter to stay outside of it, and he followed that order with a dark expression, a brief glance towards me that made me worried. Still, he left and as the door behind him, and the one leading to the monitoring room, was shut as well, White and I were alone. It was not the first time, but still it made me anxious. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I tried to keep up this mask I had faked for him.
“Starting tomorrow you won’t have to see him for a
Day 45
I slept through the night, like a stone. So... maybe tonight, I doubt that they will bring me to him. Have they ever? Two days in a row? And I really slept well, deep and dreamless. Not that I dream much. It’s always blurry and never really makes sense anyhow.
Maybe I’ll try it today.
However, White kept his promise. I just realized today. There were books and paintings, a lamp on a nightstand next to my bed and a double scotch tape on my table. So I can put up the pictures by myself. Apparently I don’t get any nails, but maybe I can keep the tape.
The books, I don’t know why he brought me ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘Wuthering Heights’, and... the Twilight series.
Guilty. Well, okay, one needs to be distracted.
However: I put up the pictures and I hid some of the tape in my container for female hygiene. Since... you never know, right?
Writing all of this down really helps me keep calm. It’s not that I don’t think about my family or the friends I have lost who might still think about me.
It’s not like I don’t keep wondering if anyone misses me on campus and what they did to cover the tracks. And I can’t stop pondering if he, my beast, Ten...
I really hate that number...
I mean, maybe he’ll get the chance to tell me his name, but until then, I have to call him something different. I don’t want to make him a number, or a subject.
So... the tenth letter in the alphabet is J. J is good, maybe I’ll find a name for it I like, maybe that’s even the letter his name starts with? Maybe Jay is even his name? I can’t stop thinking, wondering if he has or had a family as well. If he’s artificial or if he was human once and they have changed him.
Maybe John? Too obvious. Johnathan? Sure... Jason? Jeremy? It’s not the Vampire Diaries. Jensen... nah... Jean... that’s just French for John. There aren’t many names with J... at least not many I can think of. Maybe I should’ve come up with something different. I’ll keep it simple then: Jay. Thinking of that letter makes me grin like a love-crazed teenager. But I’m not in love, how could I be?
I tried not to freak out. I swear. I tried to do my best, to act reluctantly as Peter and White came to take me. I kept telling myself that they wouldn’t take me to him, to Jay... I don’t dare put down the name on paper. It’s stupid. It’s my diary, right? Still. I tried to make big eyes and look up to White pretending to be his little shy girl and I made him smile. I freaking made that man smile.
He’s tall and has ash-blond hair. I believe he’s turning gray as well. And he’s almost taller than Peter. His eyes are gray, flat gray, like he has no soul...
I should’ve called him that and not White, but I can’t change my mind now. Not that it’s really important.
We walked that usual way and I tried to be anxious, even though I was excited. Luckily, those two emotions expressed appear similar to others who don’t know anyone well enough to tell the difference. I didn’t dare believe that I would see Jay again.
White told Peter to wait outside of the first room.
I wrote down that there’s another room you enter before you get into the cage, didn’t I? That has actually stairs leading upwards to the monitoring room? Well, I wrote that now.
White told Peter to stay outside of it, and he followed that order with a dark expression, a brief glance towards me that made me worried. Still, he left and as the door behind him, and the one leading to the monitoring room, was shut as well, White and I were alone. It was not the first time, but still it made me anxious. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I tried to keep up this mask I had faked for him.
“Starting tomorrow you won’t have to see him for a
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